Seriously crying right now, I just need some advice. am I justified in not going?

I’m female, 22 in university, and I have social anxiety so it’s difficult to meet people and make friends. I’m in a small writing class and there’s a guy “Nick,” who I’ve noticed has been stealing glances/staring every now and then since the class started. A few weeks ago the class had to openly critique each others' short stories. When it was my turn, he raised his hand and complimented my work, saying that it was his favorite. Shortly thereafter I was talking to girl in our class (Sarah) and she told me that Nick said I “seemed really interesting, and he wanted to get to know me but I’m so quiet.”

For the past 4 weeks she's invited me to lunch with her group, which includes Nick. I've been twice, the first time I went he was there. He asked me things like what year I was in, my major, why I sit so far away from them in class, etc. I was nervous/caught off guard so my answers were short, and I stuttered badly with the last question. -_- Last week he wasn't at lunch, but Sarah, her boyfriend and her other friend Jess were. We bonded and we exchanged numbers. Before I went home, Jess asked if I was going to join them on Sunday at Nick’s house to study for the exam. I said I’d feel awkward since we don’t really talk, but they were like “oh, no, it’s fine.” And then Sarah was like “he likes you.” :o I’m really not getting that vibe, lol. Maybe at first he wanted to be friends, but I don't know anymore. I think I just came off too shy, weird, and possibly stupid to him, since he’s made no effort to talk to me after that first time.

Sarah msged us all on Facebook two days ago and started an online study group. Sarah and I contributed the most to the group. Nick msged us later to thank us for all the info and said he’d repay everyone with food at his house tomorrow. I don’t have his address, and I’m not comfortable asking since I still don’t feel like he officially invited me. I'm not sure if I should even bother going. It's his house, he never invited me and we've talked only once. But I don't know how this will impact my new friends. :( What would you do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I went through such dilemas in life when I was in my early I was shy, selfconcious and tried everythng tht cud hlp me stay alone but now that I look back I laugh at my silly little mistakes and how much life I missed

    U see everyone is the same we all make mistakes in life and at times we do things that we feel stupid but everyone has a different way of dealing with such things

    Now m not a wise guy with words bt ill share an experience that changed my life

    So basically when I was 17 a cuzn of mine introduced me to a girl she was 6 years older then me and on our first meet I made a fool of myself she asked me for my name and I got so freaked out tht I cudnt even tell her my name and everyone laughed at me I left instantly and that night I hated cussed myself and wished god to take my life for I really liked that girl wanted to be frnds with her for ages bt when I finally had the chance I nlew it big time bt the next few days I stayed at home

    Then after 2months I met that girl at a wedding she at first didn't said a word I had to pull everything inside of me and so I went and said hye ... I was expecting her to make fun of me but unstead she told me that she didn't avoided me because she thought I i didn't liked her so we became frnds and within a week v vr dating v ated for 3years our chemistry was examplory and I conquered awly demons I would have married her as well bt she died unfortunately bt nw I can proudly say that a moment of courage made my life beautiful

    So take the risk play big and go

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What Guys Said 3

  • Hye girlie relaaax you are thinking way too harddd
    so what if you didn't talked or shuttered its nt a big deal everyone does tht once every little while and to b honest such things make guys curious and increase thr interest in a girl as to why wudnt they answer such plain questions up frnt

    N secondly a psych is a waste of time you dnt need it awl you need is a little confident and fr tht the simplest of tricks work i.e stand in frnt of a mirror look yrslf in the eyes and talk to yrslf it can be amything frm compliments to self help lines like you are way better then hrr or stuff

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  • He invited all of you so think about what you're going to answer if they'll ask: "hey why didn't you come?" You'll say "I didn't dare to ask where he lived"?

    If there's nothing between you there's nothing between you. If there is, good for you.

    There there.. Just ask politly if you can come and he won't refuse you I'm sure. Even if he's not interested, he knows you helped him with the study group so you'll definitely be invited.

    And social anxiety, I don't know what it is, but I guess you're looking up to much to the whole "friends" thingy. Just relax, there's nothing to worry about.

    Afterall, I can only give you these wise words of Franklin D. Roosevelt: "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself"

    Don't be afraid.. Live :)

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  • Talk to the clinic physician at your school then. That would be free. And find someone to listen to you about your anxiety. maybe the girl who invited you out with Nick would be a good person to start with.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Firstly: you're over analyzing far too much. This will always - almost - be the death of you. When you have social anxiety or anything related you always tend to assess every possible outcome of something you've ALREADY done/said to someone. It becomes obsessive and you worry about it more and more. I too have this problem. I have to LITERALLY tell my brain to stop. I also have to tell myself that what's done is done but that doesn't mean I can't do some damage control later. Your situation is not as horrible as you believe and can still be salvaged.

    Secondly: You stated that you had wanted to ask him questions. Before you see him, why not try to map out what questions you want to ask so you won't be stuck? Asking questions and effective listening are GREAT ways to initiate conversation. People love to talk to others who are going to listen to them and seeing as you're constantly thinking I'm sure you'd be a great listener. This is a lot easier than people think it is. He would actually be the one doing the work, and you would appear more interesting as you're interested in what he's saying. Small (harmless) compliments are good ways to start conversation. (Such as complimenting clothing/hair etc.)

    Thirdly: If you are presented with a question that knocks you off guard. DO NOT allow yourself to just let it slide with silence. Answer it even if you stutter a bit. Since you have social anxiety you have to constantly work to push yourself out of your comfort zone to get better.

    Lastly: You can try things to calm your nervousness such as deeper breathing and relaxation techniques. Before you go into your class/lunch try taking some deep breaths and clearing your head. Also. Do not only say what you think people want to hear. Try in earnest to say what you want to say, as trying to do the later adds more pressure to your situation. Stick to what you know as opposed to what you think you should know.

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  • I see nothing wrong with your convo. Id say it is mostly in your head than real. Infact I bet most your anxiety and so called issues are mostly in your head. What I am trying to say hear is that you are being VERY hard on yourself. Do you expect to go through life making no mistakes? If you do, I have news for you by the time your are 40 you'll be on any number of medications. Allow yourself to be less than perfect. That's what make people interesting. You seem like an intelligent person. Hence the dilemma. Learn to meditate to calm your mind down. Do yoga and learn to breath deep . You will see an improvement in a short time . Most of all tell
    Your self you are special just the way you are.
    Best

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  • You need to learn to relax. Work on your self esteem as well. This is probably a big factor in your social anxiety. But the best thing to do is to calm yourself down and don't let things get to you. Easier said than done, I know but its the best thing for you to work through this. Brush it off and get back up. Don't sweat the small stuff. If someone doesn't like you then its not the end of the world.

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  • Dont feel bad. I went through the same at your age. (not anout boys, just life) . University should have people where you can talk to. My advisor helped a lot . Then I met some good friends. Just be yourself, talk to people. Find new interests. It should build up your confidence.

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  • To answer your question, we all make mistakes. (you don't want to know what I did recently). Just learn from it and be better next time. Take care.

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  • You're over thinking this sweetie. Just go to his house!

    p.s everyone stutters when they're nervous :P

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  • just relax and be yourself, don't stress! life is about meeting ppl, if not now then later on it will get harder your gonna get a job and will have to deal with people and then ull make a career in life and your going to have to talk to people and have authority and be assertive...just practice with people step by step one friend at a time, just don't over think it and go with the flow, think aloud share your thoughts and just breathe. you'll be fine I promise!

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