How to make other people care about YOU?

so I've noticed a trend with my own personal relationships. I start out really strong when I first get to know a person, very outgoing, tend to give NO *****, and generally myself and say what I want clearly. and people generally enjoy me and I enjoy them. but as time goes on, I find that I make the relationship more about the other person, than about me, and do things to please the other person or just use them as someone to tell my problems to. it leaves me feeling exhausted, unconfident and resentful. by that time I think of ending the relationship because I don't know how to get myself back. but *i* the real me, was there in the beginning! and when this happens, most people lose respect for me because I've turned into a "passive" "low self esteem" "indecisive" "shallow" and "desperate" "doormat" person when I know deep down I am not.

i am asking this because, I've finally learned this from my relationship with my boyfriend. I was so angry at him and blaming him for things (some were rightfully so), but most were because I LET him treat me like a doormat! and I truly think he cared for me enough to tell me "hey babe, just let go, do what you want. be free. and you're... kind of passive. what happened? I'm not going anywhere, so stop being so insecure and trying to do things so I won't leave" it hit me like a nail. for months I'd been trying to appease him and such, and I was miserable, and no he didn't take advantage of me to a detrimental extent, but I know he lost a lot of respect for me. so I've tried talking more about myself instead of paying attention to HIM (or in a more general sense the other person), and he's just like "that's cool". I guess I haven't gotten to the point where I can extensively talk about myself confortably cos I still feel like I'll bore the person.

anyway, how do I get my relationships to be more like it was in the beginning, where I gave no f you c k s and just doing me? and how not to lose myself in relationships and retain my own? how do YOU do it?


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What Guys Said 1

  • You just try to remind yourself of it.

    And try to make an effort to do things for yourself sometimes, things you wanted to do. Don't ask for opinions, if you always wanted to swim with sharks go do it.

    When you respect yourself, other people will respect you for being "you", when you fake it and give way people tend to think that you can just be walked over and are you really worth it at that point?

    You have to put yourself first, though not necessarily being selfish. When you are happy you will be happier in the relationship. When you can take care of yourself, your boyfriend also won't feel so obligated to do it for you and he will appreciate your presence more, knowing that it's not like he's "working" cause you can handle yourself.

    When you lean on people too much, they begin to feel the strain of it. If you have problems at work, don't talk his ear off every night cause he'll likely resent it and the problem won't get fixed.Rather handle the issue on your own and you'll likely actually come up with a solution to the problem, rather than having just vented.

    There is a book titled "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover, though it's geared towards men as the examples, the situations in the book sound identical to yours. Remember a relationship always involves two people working together, but that doesn't mean they have to do everything together.

    Hope this helps.

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