I dropped a book, a goodbye letter, and a drawing of a rose. Am I being too desperate?

I did this two weeks ago for a girl after I saw I was getting friend zoned and I told her by text that ye I would be fine with it. The truth is I wasn't... so I dropped this letter off as a goodbye, "I don't think I can be just friends with you because I like you too much", at her house and left the book as I was telling her about it in one of our dates and the drawing of the rose cause I thought it would be a sweet goodbye gift. It got her attention, she expecially loved the drawing, and apparently I am a good drawer, so I asked her out Wednesday, she accepted the date. I am planning to meet her on Tuesday. I am just worried I am forcing her and that she really doesn't like me.

I have been on a coffee date with her already about 3 weeks ago but it was very short because the coffee shop closed so I walked her home. The second date was a house party I invited her to, I think it didn't go that well. I think I might have pushed her away because I socialized a lot and I was constantly talking to people and including teasing and joking with other girls. The thing is it was a house party and I knew a lot of people and I didn't want to ignore people there and also she brought her friend and they seemed to be having fun dancing with each other. She didn't really dance with me but maybe I should have tried harder to dance with her.

Anyway it was a fun night but not a romantic one if you get me. I just couldn't do it that easily when I am surronded by friends and her friend. A couple days later I asked her out a couple times more and she kept leaving me hanging and stuff like this, so I read this as she is not really into me because she is not reciprocating, so I told her you seem to just want to be friends so I am fine with that, and she replied right away saying ye lets just be friends (like she was really thinking this all along). Anyway a couple days after that is when I dropped of the gift as a last goodbye.

Anyway I am being messed up, I feel I want her too much, and that is why I decided to push the date a week later and why I don't want to text her to much. If feel I am swinging for the fence with her, she intimidates me like no other girl has before and I have dated 6ft tall polish blondes. She just seems so much more put together, smart, and absolutely stunning. This makes me nervous cause I feel I am under so much pressure to put my best foot forward it actually makes me perform more poorly and act more nervous.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't force someone into doing something. It's the person's choice, not yours. I know it's a harsh way to start but I'm just clearing up what you said about having to pressure her into going out with you. I can be honest on that one because I made the mistake of thinking the same thing. This guy liked me & my friend noticed & told him to ask me out. At the time, I felt like he was just being pressured into it, but I realized that if he didn't want to, he wouldn't have done it. Same thing I'm saying for this girl. Maybe the only reason why she wasn't reciprocating was because you left her all alone at that party. Sure, you knew a lot of people there, but she didn't. The only person she knew was her friend & you. I can honestly say it kind of looks like you're chasing her though. But that's fine because most girls don't like to be the one's who do anything & let the guy do all the work. I'm not saying she's that type of girl but who knows? Maybe she is. Anyway, there's no reason to be scared about what you're doing. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. There are other people.

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    • Ye really she is not forced to go out with me.

What Girls Said 3

  • Actually, you sound like a very sweet guy! Anyways I don't want you to freak out but I'm gonna say my opinion.

    1. I think she's gonna be flattered because you gave her a beautiful rose, a nice drawing and you told her feelings to her in a letter - I think that's amazing.hopefully she'll give you another chance if not, than just thank her and move on and try to meet another amazing girl but if she gives you another chance I really don't think you should invite her to a party where your gonna be forced to socialize with other people because she may not want to compete for your attention and she may make the assumption you really don't value her time and that she has to compete with other girls or other people.

    It turned me off when this guy I used to like (but I Barely know him anyways) would joke around with other girls it was kind of a hint to me that he didn't really like me.. plus the more I got to know him... I really didn't like his personality and we didn't hit it off - no chemistry we weren't alike so maybe you and this girl are different. maybe she's looking for somebody who just sits down with her and focuses just on her I think that's how dating should be.. so next time don't invite one of your friends and dno't go to a party.. it may make her jealous or she may not think your that into her if you do that again... dating is personal and between 2 people not involving a bunch of people sorry I'm just trying to lol make a point not trying to make you feel like you failed anyways on your next date if you have one... take her some place nice like a sit down restaurant and than a movie I think that's a better idea with just the two of you

    Anyways... tell her your story to for the party thing and how you feel... and maybe ask to hang out at school or whatever.. but just incase she doesn't like you back... try to be her friend for awhile she may come around and if she never comes around and she finds someone new let it go... and find someone else new

    good luck and dnot worry you'll find someone but if you really like this girl.. just say sorry for the party thing, be nice to her and be her friend she may come around... and never go to a party as a date lol its too much competition for who gets whose attention

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  • yes...at some point you need to back off and see what happens. Girls don't like to feel like they have you wrapped around thier finger. We like a little chase too.

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    • Thats the same thing one of my mates who is a don juan told me. He said you did well to get the date, but now use it as an oppourtunity to qualify her and see if she truly deserves me.

    • good way of putting it...maybe she isn't good enough for you!

  • The house party may have ruined things, if it really was bad, you're not the only guy out there that invites a girl to a party and then doesn't really talk to her when she is there haha. I have had this happen to me so many times that by now I do not take it personally and I understand, but before it used to just seem like the guy was rude, toying with me, leading me on, not really serious about me, and it made me really insecure and upset, so I would just stop talking to them. I thought, "there must be a reason why he won't talk to me and why he is talking to other girls, he obviously does not like me and he clearly likes those other girls better, I'm done." But, unfortunately I have done the same to this one guy I liked. I invited him to a party and ignored him the whole time, while still talking to a bunch of other guys. I got so awkward and nervous in the moment and did not want to seem desperate or like I was trying too hard, I kind of wanted to see if he would come up to me, which he tried to do a couple of times. After this I figured, maybe this is exactly how guys feel when they do this to me? One kid I asked told me he was just really shy and this is why he did it.

    So basically, she might actually like you, just felt like you were being a cocky dbag at the party, when you seemed like you were too cool to talk to her. Apologize and explain why you were acting that way! If she was not upset at all about the party, she will still be happy to hear that you care enough about her and took the initiative to explain yourself. I don't know about other girls, but I love when guys are really straightforward and are great at communication. I also like it when a guy I like goes after me in a very strong, bold way, it shows he cares. I tend to be very cautious and untrusting of guys because of my past experiences with them (most guys just want to have sex, honestly, and they will do ANYTHING to try to reach this goal. They can tell you the sweetest things, act like they care so much and that you are so special to them, be the sweetest guy, and when you don't put out, they're gone without a trace). I suspect a lot of other girls feel the same way, so try to prove to her that she means more to you than just sex. This does take time though, you have to build and earn trust.

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    • Thanks for the advice. I will try to apologize and hopefully we can see where things go. I am not gonna try to push her for sex. Obviously I like sex a lot and I feel it grows the relationship, but if she is not ready I wouldn't mind. The attraction is more than physical.

What Guys Said 9

  • Ya you messed that one up, see she may agree to a date, but she has stated that she only wants to be friends, getting over that is about as easy as building a snow man in hell.

    Your other problem is she might have only agreed to a date because she feels sorry for you, and didn't know what to do. Don't be surprised that when you call her to confirm your date, she comes up with an excuse or doesn't even answer the phone, and says something like sorry I forgot that I had to do this or that, which are all loads of crap, just a way of getting out of your date.

    My advice forget her and find another chick other wise your going to be chasing her in circles and before you know it, she has a bf.

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  • She already knows how you feel about her.

    It is you who have put yourself in a position of discomfort around her and consequently facing a choice of either being "her friend" or a bitter "her nobody"

    Personally I would go with friendship - at least this gives you the access and opportunity to impress her with things that you are good at. Don't get all hung up on getting her back as a date. Do cool things FOR YOURSELF (NOT for her - I can't emphasize this enough) that are more interesting and productive and enlightened than what she normally gets to do, which go with your areas of strength and talent, and on SOME of them invite her along as a friend.

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  • Work the angle you want. If you're afraid of pushing her too much, you might back-off and prove you are just friend-zone material.

    Be nice to her, be yourself, but be assertive, show her what you want to avoid getting put in that box again.

    It doesn't mean grab her and grope her, just do your best to show her you're serious.

    Remember though, serious doesn't mean desperate.

    Relax, take a deep breath, and tell yourself it's gonna be alright.

    If forced to make a choice, go for it.

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  • I'd let her go. Obviously she thinks it's cool in a way that you showed her you like her but that doesn't really change things. I think you've already been friend zoned.

    You already showed her all your cards by acting a bit immature in taking it kind of hard by your note, drawing, and book. I wouldn't try anymore. She knows, that's all you can do. If you want to be friends, then go for it but don't wait up. I'd forget her altogether honestly.

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  • yea.

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  • Yeh you. sound a bit desperate. Playing the "we can't be friends because I like you" card is a bit low... She could have agreed just to not lose you as a friend... And not saying it face to face makes it worse. Just being honest.

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  • You have to be more congruent with her it's more important the charmisa, girls want to see that your you at all times even if your nervous you can basically bring how you feel into the conversation aslong as its your true self.

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  • You can't force her to like you. If you are friend zoned and you played your hands and if you are still in that zone then leave it be. Make moves on another woman some other time...

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  • I needed an insulin shot after the first paragraph.

    Saccharine sweet, and certainly sounding a little desperate.

    I wonder, if she's that stunning, was she put off by your lack of interest at the party?

    Is she used to having guys fawn over her, and didn't like your rejection of her one bit?

    Is that why she jumped on friends only? Because she felt that you were not into her?

    Give yourself more credit. Don't idolise her as much. She should be lucky to have you, not the other way around.

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