Would You Date Incest Survivor?

Hi everyone. I'm a 28 year old guy who was sexually abused by 2 of my older brothers when I was about 6-9 years old. I'm in therapy and a support group.

I've never dated very much, and I want to start dating more. But I was wondering what you might think of dating someone with my background.

I'm not worried about anyone judging me, because I know the abuse wasn't my fault. But sometimes I worry that my baggage might be too much for some people to want to deal with in a relationship.

I don't have a lot of physical experience with girls, and I would need to move the relationship kind of slow.

Thanks a lot for any answers or feedback.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I wouldn't mind. I've never been abused or anything, but I've never been physical with a guy outside of dancing at homecoming and prom when I was in high school, and two people in a relationship should be able to depend on each other and mend each other's wounds. Any girl who "doesn't want to deal with your baggage" is not right for you. I know a lot of girls who would date someone regardless of weather or not they were sexually abused.

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What Girls Said 5

  • yeah none of that would matter once I loved the person we would take it slow if they wanted to

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  • This wouldn't bother me at all, sure I'd be shocked and maybe wouldn't know how to react but this wouldn't change my view of him. As long as he wasn't into incest or enjoyed it (which oblivously you didn't) then I'd be totally fine with it. I'd feel great that he trusted to me with something like that and taking the relationship slow physically wouldn't bother me ethier. I'd want him to feel comfortable and relaxed, wanting to have sex, not because he felt like he had to.

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  • I'm glad to hear that you're working towards being healed. That's such a trumatic event, and most would let it get the best of them.

    When you find the right person, their situation doesn't seem so overwhelming. You'll find a girl that is able to work past your tragic family history, and love you. Just keep working on your emotional health, and everything else will fall in place. Put yourself in situations where you meet people, book clubs, a nice bar, or even a bowling league. Just meet as many new individuals (friends are great for networking with as well) as you can. Everything will fall in place when it's time.

    Wishing you ALL the best! :)

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  • You need someone to love you ,like really love you ,that won't care about your baggage :)

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  • Honestly, I would be cautious. Most child molesters were molested as children. That doesn't mean you are a child molester or everybody that is molested will become a child molester, but it is something that I would be cautious about. If things did work out and I felt like you were a decent guy, and say we had kids together, I would never ever let them be alone with your brothers or your family.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I have the exact same problem for the exact same reason, and I am also a male. I was also abused by many boys and girls and men and women growing up besides just in the home. Nobody ever believed it or did anything about it. I don't trust women-I've tried and they always screw me over, and no matter who you tell that you are a survivor of abuse, EVERYONE ALWAYS says since you were abused, you are automatically going to be an abuser, which is BULLSHIT! Anyway, I have had enough of crazy, lying, cheating, using women. If you ever want a friendship or more with a man who understands EXACTLY how you feel, contact me and we can talk. spyyder976 at yahoo.

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