Good first message to an online dater?

I've been browsing online dating sites but can't ever seem to figure out a good first message. I see in several girls profiles that it needs to be more than a ''hey what's up" message and a lot put something like "if all your going to do is comment on my looks then don't bother''. So what are good ways to get intention and (hopefully) spark an interest?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Read her profile. The whole thing. Was there something interesting? Did something raise a question or made you think about an experience? It's just like talking to peoe in real life, you new a topic of conversation. And girls usually leave plenty of "hints" for that in their profile. Don't go for the first most obvious though. Also, there usually is a "why/when you should message me". Most people ignore that part. Don't ignore that part. Skip the obvious "Hi. I read your profile..." or commenting on her pictures, unless you have something interesting to say about them. And yes, it's mostly about saying something interesting. So share something interesting. And always stay polite. And don't try the shotgun approach. That never works. Even if she doesn't answer or turn you down. Online dating takes patience, manners and the ability to say something nice and interesting to someone you have never met.

    Lastly: boring profile, boring person. Work on yours. That you filled out all the fields with whatever came to mind is only a bare minimum. Give people something to connect with.

    Hope that helps.

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    • PS: spelling. You are writing to a girl you want to get to know. Not texting your friends.

What Girls Said 1

  • I've tried the online dating with little real success, actually none. I can tell you that a girl will get upwards of 10, "hey," or "hey what's up," messages within hours of posting a profile. I think the best is a few sentences, where you haven't spent much time, but at least clearly looked beyond the picture.

    Ex...

    Hi, my name is John. I liked your profile and (add personal detail you can connect with).

    So if she has a dog and you're an animal lover.

    If you both work in the same industry.

    If you both like to cook.

    If you both like to travel.

    Then end the message with something like, "If you'd be interested in talking sometime let me know."

    Just keep in mind it is the internet and you're likely to send a percentage that won't get a reply.

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What Guys Said 1

  • your wasting your time

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