I have always been the approached and have become complacent in dating?

So I've always been the approachee or the one to be asked out first. Becauase of this, it's made me complacent with dating. I keep waiting to find out if a girl already likes me or to approach me. Worse even, when I do notice a girl that I start to like on my own, for whatever reason, I lose interest very quickly.

I know what traits and qualities I want in a girl and I know that I'm what she would most likely want. So how do I change the way I've gone about dating? Thank you in advance.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It could be this. The way you look when you dress or hold a conversation attract a type that you really don't hold interest in. It is then up to you to go out and search for what you may like. It doesn't seem like you have a problem with getting women. So you should be fine. Also when you do, don't limit yourself. You find relations in the most unlikely way sometimes. It seems like you already know you have to work on your habits. You be the approacher for a change and you might find its not so easy and it maybe just that you like a challenge.

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    • Right, but that's where I'm basically clueless. Because I've always been the approachee, I don't really know how to do it myself. I'm pretty shy, but that's not as much of an obstacle for me as it was a year or two ago.

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    • This may seem a silly question, but what are these "unlikely ways"?

    • Well that a woman takes you up on your offer whether it just be for sex or dating and she falls for you and you fall for her because you both compliment each other and are genuinely interested in each other or you just want to see how she is a person and in turn you may figure you like her and she may tell you that she is interested in you right before you are ready to tell her. in the process you may realize what has been holding you back and or what was it that you didn't see in the other girls

What Girls Said 1

  • Well, if you lose interest... that's a you thing... no one can help you with that. But, I’m guessing you have friends? What makes you like being around them? Keeps you going back to hang out with them? Look for a girls that A. You’re attracted too, and B. shares qualities your friends have... and even you. You’ll be surprised... most people in serious relationships that go somewhere are actually dating someone really similar to themselves.

    I find both men and women initially go after something they want, rather then someone they’d actually wanna hang with. I’ve even fallen victim to that. Dated people I have nothing in common with besides attraction. It doesn’t work out... you naturally lose interest cause there is simply nothing to do or talk about.

    As for the approachee thing... As a woman I get very frustrated with men I have to approach. I feel in these times females are taking on more stereotypical male things. Approaching, buying dinner and dates... we are even driving people home. I found the more I took on that I attributed to men doing.. the less I was attracted to that particular male.

    If you want someone go get them, even if you fail... that one win will give you the motivation to do it again. And a male taking control off the back is like a female aphrodisiac. Stop waiting for people to approach you. You take the reins ... maybe it will turn you on and keep you interested.

    And find your best friend in a girl.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I have the exact same problem. Not the losing interest part, but in the past I've always been the one to be approached by girls, and that's how most of my relationships have started. I need to break out of that mindset and try approaching the girls I'm interested in.

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