Retaining my V-card?

Hi all. Its been a very, very long time since I last posted on here. In fact, last time I posted was way back when in 2008. So much has changed, for me and I bet for most of you since then! Anyhow. Down to the meat of this "question". I'm 21, still have my v card by choice. My first three relationships ended with my girlfriends cheating on me, and I'm sure it has to do with the fact I repeatedly refused to get down and dirty with em. My most recent one... well. I told her from the get go I had my V card and wouldn't do it with her until I truly thought it was special. She was a catholic, and thought it was wonderful that I still had my v card. I was and am an atheist, however. We dated for about 8 months or so.. and unlike the others... we fell in love. I loved her so much. And at the time I thought she felt the same way. There were moments when it just felt good to breath besides her. Such memories are bittersweet yet fond for me. Recollections of a love tinged with regret. It can sometimes be deeply painful, soul-crushing experiences to think about her. This is because one day I told her I was ready to lose my v card with her. That I was ready. But then she told me I would have to convert... and if I didnt, she would have to end our relationship. Never did she complain about me being an atheist. This was the first time she told me about her intentions. It was a complete and utter shock. It destroyed me for a while. And so I debated about it in my head... but I couldn't do it. even for her. it was too much to ask. So we broke up, and its broken my heart. The kicker is that she is now talking to her ex, whom she lost her v card to and also broke up with over the issue of religion. My point is, it seems that holding out isn't working for me anymore. I have no drive to wait and wait and wait and then find I'm sitting around at 30 still a where I am now. It seems to ruin my relationships, or become a point of no return. A tool to be used by others to convert me, for example. I've been crushed by being cheated on, broken up with, and basically emotionally defeated. I don't know what to do. Should I stick to my guns and what I believe in, even if it makes me miserable? or should I just lose it to the multiple women that would love to do something with me? I'm not worried about being able to date or hook up; I'm confident in my looks and personality. It just seems doing it is so important to so many people, and ruins so much for me.

Updates:
Double post. Oops!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm a virgin by choice as well, and not waiting for marriage or anything, I just want to fall in love, and none of my past relationships have made me feel that way.

    I think that you should stand for what you believe in, that's what I do. I know that it will probably keep making me meet more difficulties since I'm getting older, and guys are usually more demanding, but for some reason that's a part of who I am and I would feel like I've lost a bit of my integrity.

    I just truly believe that if a guy wants to be with me, and loves me for who I am, he will understand (all my boyfriend have understood it) and that he will be able to wait without it being a problem. I know sex seems so important in a relationship but I don't want to rush things cause once again that's not who I am, and I know too many guys that only wanted me for my looks.

    Reading your question you seem to be concern that being a virgin might be used against you, but honnestly I do think that sex can be used against you, and might make you feel like you're being used.

    Also the fact that : 1) you said "women that would love to do sth with me" would tend to make me say that no you shouldn't do it because it should make you happy, and be something you would love to do 2) if that's making you miserable then you might have already lost faith in the fact that keeping your v-card is supposed to make you feel proud of keeping up with your values, and thus dign and decent, so if that's the case I don't see no point in staying a virgin.

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What Girls Said 4

  • It sounds like you have been through a lot but I still think you 'should try to make to special and stick with what you have been doing. I think sex is something special that should be shared with those who truly matter to you. I have not had sex with anyone else expect my first because at the end of the day I know that I want to share it with someone that really matters to me. So ill keep waiting. I understand the feeling of just wanting to do it and get it over with. I feel that way a lot but still know that if I let it happen I would really regret it. My self-respect will go down if I did.

    I don't think you should stray away from your original plan. My friend recently decided that she doesn't care at all. She would do it with anyone, anywhere, and at anytime and she too is a virgin. I was totally shocked that none of that matters to her anymore. She would let it happen with a complete stranger basically. I mean if it happens to her or you, what is there to look forward to?

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  • Honestly I think you should just do what you believe in and what feels right. I'm probably romanticising the whole thing, but I believe that someone's first time should be special and you shouldn't rush it just for the sake of "getting it done." I don't think that it's something you'd really forget and it should be a memory with someone special. My younger brother lost his v-card to his first girlfriend. After they broke up, he told me he wished he had waited like he originally wanted to. If it feels right to you to stop waiting now, then go ahead, but if it's something you're not sure about, why not wait for someone you feel strongly about?

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  • I didn't read all it was too long but if you're waiting for marriage I'm sure you'll find someone since its more common for a woman to do so..I'm 17 and I don't think ima wait for marriage but I'll at least stay a virgin til I'm 18 and out of high school...you should do what feels right get the girl tested just in case

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  • stick to your guns. there is a woman for you. whom you will love. who won't ask you to convert. wait for her.

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What Guys Said 4

  • If anybody told me to convert to anything based on X reason, I'd laugh and run to a friends house to have fun and be around people who actually love me for who I am.

    Never lose yourself, it'll become your curse.

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  • The standard MIME type is text/vcard used in conjunction with the address book on Outlook Express. vcards are lame. You don't need them.

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    • i used my particular vocabulary so I could in fact post this question... both other than that I don't understand your answer.

    • vcard is a filetype, it contains contact information and you can export/import it in programs like Outlook and old phones used to be able to send them over bluetooth to share contacts, but its an old technology.

      Just so you know if you ever see someone else making this lame joke.

  • I honestly think you should have lost it ages ago. Right now, your virginity holds this huge perceived value in your mind, and it's skewing every value-based relationship choice you're making right now. And I think that's what is causing you to make bad relationship choices.

    Like dumping girls who wanted sex, and going with non-virgin catholics who use sex as a club to beat you into converting.

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  • eventually you will find someone if you look long enough. like 7 billion people out there, gotta be one for you. you gotta think about what's gonna be more miserable, waiting until that time however long it is and finally finding that person or finally f***in a girl you prob don't care about and then you end up regretting that choice which you cannot take back

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