Hi all. Its been a very, very long time since I last posted on here. In fact, last time I posted was way back when in 2008. So much has changed, for me and I bet for most of you since then! Anyhow. Down to the meat of this "question". I'm 21, still have my v card by choice. My first three relationships ended with my girlfriends cheating on me, and I'm sure it has to do with the fact I repeatedly refused to get down and dirty with em. My most recent one... well. I told her from the get go I had my V card and wouldn't do it with her until I truly thought it was special. She was a catholic, and thought it was wonderful that I still had my v card. I was and am an atheist, however. We dated for about 8 months or so.. and unlike the others... we fell in love. I loved her so much. And at the time I thought she felt the same way. There were moments when it just felt good to breath besides her. Such memories are bittersweet yet fond for me. Recollections of a love tinged with regret. It can sometimes be deeply painful, soul-crushing experiences to think about her. This is because one day I told her I was ready to lose my v card with her. That I was ready. But then she told me I would have to convert... and if I didnt, she would have to end our relationship. Never did she complain about me being an atheist. This was the first time she told me about her intentions. It was a complete and utter shock. It destroyed me for a while. And so I debated about it in my head... but I couldn't do it. even for her. it was too much to ask. So we broke up, and its broken my heart. The kicker is that she is now talking to her ex, whom she lost her v card to and also broke up with over the issue of religion. My point is, it seems that holding out isn't working for me anymore. I have no drive to wait and wait and wait and then find I'm sitting around at 30 still a where I am now. It seems to ruin my relationships, or become a point of no return. A tool to be used by others to convert me, for example. I've been crushed by being cheated on, broken up with, and basically emotionally defeated. I don't know what to do. Should I stick to my guns and what I believe in, even if it makes me miserable? or should I just lose it to the multiple women that would love to do something with me? I'm not worried about being able to date or hook up; I'm confident in my looks and personality. It just seems doing it is so important to so many people, and ruins so much for me.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm a virgin by choice as well, and not waiting for marriage or anything, I just want to fall in love, and none of my past relationships have made me feel that way.
I think that you should stand for what you believe in, that's what I do. I know that it will probably keep making me meet more difficulties since I'm getting older, and guys are usually more demanding, but for some reason that's a part of who I am and I would feel like I've lost a bit of my integrity.
I just truly believe that if a guy wants to be with me, and loves me for who I am, he will understand (all my boyfriend have understood it) and that he will be able to wait without it being a problem. I know sex seems so important in a relationship but I don't want to rush things cause once again that's not who I am, and I know too many guys that only wanted me for my looks.
Reading your question you seem to be concern that being a virgin might be used against you, but honnestly I do think that sex can be used against you, and might make you feel like you're being used.
Also the fact that : 1) you said "women that would love to do sth with me" would tend to make me say that no you shouldn't do it because it should make you happy, and be something you would love to do 2) if that's making you miserable then you might have already lost faith in the fact that keeping your v-card is supposed to make you feel proud of keeping up with your values, and thus dign and decent, so if that's the case I don't see no point in staying a virgin.0