Losing sight of my priorities. How do you keep focus while dating?

I am doing a poor job of managing my personal life and my relationship. I am dating a girl that I very much like, but I can't take my mind off of her. Every minute I can outside of work I spend with her if we don't have anything else interfering. What is some advice to take a step back and stay focused on other things in life?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Get control of your HIGH interest level. Never let your interest level in a girl be higher than hers...what I mean is...don't show it on the outside(your behavior,and actions). Spending so much time with this girl is doing nothing but making it seem like you have no life...or not other options (other girls) to her. You're rushing into rejection. Yes...like you said..you must step back. Only see her once a week.(if its possible). Date other girls. Don't text her EVER. Only call her to set up dates. I highly recommend Doc Loves book...The System. It has helped me Big Time! From what I've heard so far...this book was written for you!

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    • Thank you for the feedback. You say date other girls which is fine except she is my girlfriend and I'm not ready to relinquish that. But I need to do everything in my power to space out from her. I've adjusted so poorly to dating that it is scaring me. If this thing were to end tomorrow I would be wrecked

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    • Remember this... The person who cares the least...has the most power.

    • I've grown to realize your last quote "The person who cares the least...has the most power." And it is not that she doesn't' care about it, we really have a good relationship going so far. But it is no doubt a problem of mine with how much of my attention I am giving her, and how much I am not returning for myself. Again, thanks for all of your advice. I really can't ask for much more from GAG then what you guys have given me today.

What Girls Said 13

  • I wou;d advise you to not spend so much time together because from seeing girl friends doing that it didn't end so well as they always argued and got sick of each other because they didn't have enough space to themselvs. I would suggest talking to her and tell her that you really like her but you need more time to yourself during the week, it's not that you don;t want to because you do (and believe me you should say that because if you don't assure a girl you do and your saying you want more space during the week she will get the wrong idea that you don't love her no more), but you like her that much seeing her so much every week she's making you think so much about her lol (and saying that will let her know she's driving you crazy in a good way haha). You need to arrange to see each other only 2 or 3 times a week though but that's it so then you both can get your space to do other things but your not interfearing with each others lives away from each other too much lol, if your too tired after work or something then tell her and try to make more plans with friends so that you can have some fun with them.

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  • There is a quote by Ninon de Lenclos, "Love never dies of starvation but often of indigestion." So once in a while go out with your guy friends on a guys night out or join a gym to work out and have some you time. Otherwise you both run the risk of boring each other too much. Also when you show your girl that you have a life that doesn't revolve around her she'll be even more attracted because it shows that you have selfesteem and other priorities.

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  • I'd be cautious going into your reltionship like this. Like the guy said below, interest level is a big thing. However, I don't believe you should ever express any less than what you're feeling. That'd be quite manipulative move. What's awesome is you know your priorities are out of whack and you want to fix it. The more you begin to neglect those priorities, the more your life will seemingly evolve around your interest in her. Because that's basically what you're making it do. Shift your focus a little, and just wean yourself off of this infatuation. Be independent before you can be codependent. If you don't make this transition now, you'll lose her. I know people who wait for a commitment before they turrn off the fantasy and get back to their live's priorities. That only ever reads as disinterest, or neglect to your lover. That's when "he suddenly just changed, he's not the same person I fell in love with" comes into play. Then bitterness, loss of communication... Talk to her and set yourself straight. If she's a great girl she'll understand.

    Basically, you keep focus be realizing what you do now can be destructive and can set an early expiration date on the relationship.

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    • Thanks for your response. Can you follow up with some tips for regaining my focus and not fracturing our relationship?

  • Invite her to do them with you. I mean, I spend hours on my graphic tablet at home drawing while my boyfriend does his own thing in each other's presence. If you play sports invite her to watch, if you wanna go to the bar make it a double date with other couple friends. You can still be yourself, excel and do what you want, just don't make it sound like a chore for just for you, it's probably a chore for her, too.

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  • Im going through the same now, im so into a guy I've been on 5 dates with , he doesn't live in my town so staying in touch is hard, also cause he has so much to do, he is involved in a lot of things, and i love that! Im afraid of losing my priorities cause i want to have his attention all the time, im good at not being needy and contacting him all the time.
    I just get very scared of losing myself in all of this.

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  • Try to stay in the moment. It's normal to be preoccupied with someone you're dating. Practice being in the moment and your current surroundings.

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  • i wish the guy i was dating would do this for me. but we're only dating...

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  • That's the thing about love many people around you need to understand you're in love and can't help it. Here's what you do try and list why you like to do the things you love, their must be a reason why

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  • Marry her and u will know that she will be there forever

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  • Don't date until you get your priorities straight !

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  • Limit the time with her and concentrate !

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  • I had this problem trying to manage grades and friends/boyfriends. The best thing to do is to stop spending so much time together. Tell her you really need to focus on work so you're going to need to spend less time with her. And if you don't feel comfortable you could first try saying that you're working late to get stuff done.

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What Guys Said 3

  • For , do not lose your individualism. Make a conscious effort to retain all interests, hobbies and relationships you had prior to meeting her. Make plans to spend time with your friends. Continue having guys night out, etc. For it's highly important that couples, in some way or another, have a life outside of their relationship maintain their individual sense of self.

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  • What else do you need to focus on? I have a hard time understanding your question, since it seems like a good thing to me. If she is your girlfriend, I would only think this is natural for some people in a healthy relationship.

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    • My issue is I'm becoming more needy of her instead of keeping it simple. If she has to cancel plans for a meeting or anything important for that matter it kills my mood when in the past I used to be able to continue about my way and tackle things I need to do

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    • Thank you very much for your feedback. It is much appreciated

    • Your welcome. Just don't allow too much space. You two wouldn't even be dating if you did that.

  • dont lose yourself man, you had a life before ( i hope) being recently broke up actually is a breath of fresh air. couldnt handle her neediness and she was sort of a loser as well, much better off. she needed me more than i needed her

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