Be honest ladies, what do you think?

The long and the short of it is, I am a nice guy. Raised by my mother I consider myself a gentlemen. I treat women with respect, I am honest, thoughtful and caring. I pay attention when you speak, remember your friends name and most importantly your birthday. Though I am not a push over like so many nice guys. I take the lead on many things, where we are going to eat, what we are going to do, but only because I know and understand your likes and dislikes. I know women like a man that takes charge, so I do, and so far have never dissapointed a women to my knowledge. So why am I still single? My last girlfriend, I knew her for over a year, good friend of mine, and one night we just clicked, and dated for 4 months. 3 days before deployment (I am in the army currently deployed) she breaks up with me, giving me no reason. Could have been because I was leaving country for a year, but it seems these things happen often to me. I date a girl for around 3-5 months, then they just leave me, offering no explanation for there actions. At first I thought it was the way I treated them, but that wouldn't be the case for more than one girl. Then I thought it was the girls I was dating, but I don't like bitchy needy clingy girls looking for a free ride, I like my women smart and educated who have a plan in life. So now I think its my looks. I'm 5ft 9 in, 185lbs, athletic build, brown hair, blue eyes. And my profile pic is a head shot, please, can anyone explain to me my problem? Feel free to ask anything you may want to learn more about me. Its really depressing to be deployed, and have no one back home wanting you...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is hard to explain, but sometimes, even when a guy is very nice and attractive, the relationship is either boring or going no where or you guys just don't have chemistry.

    I know I've broken up with a guy (I feel awful about this, I'm not like a jerk or anything...) just because I wasn't "feeling it" in a relationship. Like, I just didn't feel excited or in love at all, it was just...him. He was very sweet and fairly attractive, I just didn't have major chemistry with him. (He's with another girl now who's head over heels in love with him, and I think that's what he deserves, not me who just is whatever about him, you know?)

    Also, I'm not saying this is the case, but you can't describe your personality well. Other people have to. Almost all the guys I know say similar things to yours. ("I'm a nice guy, but I'm not a pushover, I'll be sweet to you and I'm thoughtful" etc.etc.) I'm sure you're a great guy, but I don't know you personally so I can't be the judge of that. This I just don't know about.

    I'm sorry this is hard to explain, but things like this just happen. I'm sorry about past relationships, but I hope you can find a good girl for you!(:

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    • I understand what you mean when guys all say the same things online, that we all are sweet, and not a push over, and if you did know me, you would know I spoke truthfuly. But I do appreciate your comment, it makes sense, but it jsut doesn't seem possible to be the reason for every girl I have dated. I know I have made mistakes, and am far from perfect, but I try. And that's all I can do. Thankyou for taking the time to respond.

    • True, other people need to gauge your personality.

What Girls Said 14

  • "At first I thought it was the way I treated them, but that wouldn't be the case for more than one girl."

    Allow me to emphasis how utterly incorrect that conclusion is. If there's a serious flaw in how you treat women that you may or may realize? It's gonna piss off more than one.

    If you date girls who are independent, have a plan, and don't intend on following you around, but you insist on 'taking the lead' in most things? It's gonna get old.

    There are different forms of respect. I personally could not care less if you remember the names of my friends or if the only reason you remember my birthday is because of Facebook. Half the time when I talk I'm just marking time and you don't really need to pay all that close attention. It's shooting the sh*t and being a smartass.

    It matters far more to me if a man respects my decisions, takes my advice seriously, whether he decides to follow it or not, (and realizes that there's a decent chance I won't follow his, either, and it's not because I wasn't listening), and doesn't treat me like I need to be handled with kid gloves. Being the 'princess' goes from charming to condescending really fast.

    Personally, the reason I don't date military boys is because, when push comes to shove, if the relationship is to work out in the long run, I have to give up more than he does in the relationship. I have to move across the country, I have to sit and wait, and I have to restrict the option available to my career. Nice guy you may be, but if a girl has goals, your taste in women may just not have a taste for your job.

    I can promise, the problem isn't in your looks.

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    • I agree, though I don't treat women with "kid gloves" And when it comes to taking control, its not making your decisions, it sonly on the simple things, where we are going to eat and things like that. I prefer a women who has a plan in life, and is striving towards her goals, and do my best to accomodate them from my end and support them in any way possible. I know I sound like I'm blowing smoke, but I'm not going to ask a question I want an honest answer to, if I am being dishonest about myself

  • It's most likely because you are deployed. My boyfriend is in the military too, and he often goes away on training missions, sometimes I only see him once a month. But we make it work.

    However, it's really hard to date a guy who is in the military and not every girl is up to that challenge. It's hard to not see your boyfriend often. I know a lot of girls like to see their guys everyday. Me and my boyfriend just don't have time for that :P We are very busy with families and work, so that is what keeps us from missing each other. I am okay with not seeing my boyfriend often because I was busy with school, work or family and if I am bored, I find a friend or a pop in a movie. Plus we have a good foundation for our relationship and we can both trust each other. And I realize that this is his job, and he has to do this.

    Not every girl can handle that though and that is probably what your problem is. Not being able to see someone for a year would be incredibly hard. And I can understand why they might decide it's not for them. But I also hear your side. I would be depressed too not to have someone to come home to after being gone for so long.

    I would talk to some of your friends and find out how they manage their relationships. Find out what they do to keep in touch, find out how they found out their partners would be okay with them leaving for such a long period of time. Just find out as much as you can. I think that will help a lot, they might have some great tips and you might be able to use those to help your own relationships.

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  • Your last girlfriend probably didn't want to deal with the distance and year of separation. She clearly wasn't the one.

    As for the others, they probably didn't think there was a point in continuing the relationship. Maybe they just thought that you they weren't meant to be with you.

    To me, you sound completely fine. Well, besides the taking control thing. Not EVERY woman likes the man to take charge. I'm fine with a guy taking charge as long as he's not aggressive about it or too traditional. Like, think the guy drives, orders for the girl, and pays the bills, or the woman cooks, cleans, takes care of the children. But that's just me, one girl out of billions of girls.

    But if you're actually completely honest, like not tell a single white lie honest, I could look past the taking charge thing. ;P

    Don't worry about yourself. You just need to be patient, mister! :]

    To me, it seems like the best things in life happen when you least expect it, so don't look for the right girl. I'm positive it'll just happen somehow.

    Good luck! [:

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  • Hmm..well there are a lot of great people that are single. And it's not your looks why would someone date you for 5 months and then wake up one day and say damn! I'm dating an ugly muthf%$ lol. Doesn't happen. I don't really know why maybe you could ask your exes or maybe it has something with a girl not wanting to get attached to someone that is in the military that can be here one minute and gone the next. Maybe it is more of a stability issue. Perhaps you should look to date girls who are also in the military, or women that have family in the military they might understand the lifestyle better. Other than that I can't think of anything. But it's hard to know what might be wrong when you only hear one side.

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  • It's probably because you are deployed :( a lot of women have problems with that because we like to be able to hold the person we love. We have physical needs that aren't met with you away--it's like long distance times fifty, and not a lot of women are OK with moving every time their significant other gets reassigned. The whole carrying a gun thing might be involved too as many women don't get the serve the country bit. And I know you probably don't do it but many women believe every single soldier cheats. I'm sorry it just seems you have to find the right girl or find a new job really :(((

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  • Well walking the walk and talking the talk are two different things. Okay, for argument's sake let's say all this is true about you, and I know this sounds snotty, but I don't mean it that way, it's just, you know, how many guys say they are one way and turn out to be a different way.

    There's always an exception, don't get me wrong, and I'll be the first to admit that I mostly believe everything you've written, but there's that part of me that doesn't believe anything anyone says.

    Okay, I'm rambling.

    I'd say it's because yeah, you're a great guy from your description, and so the girls thinking one of two things:

    A. I'm not good enough for this man.

    B. This is too good to be true, I'd better break it off before it get's bad.

    You're cute, that's not the problem, you're a good guy, that's not the problem.

    If there's no explanation for the breakup then it's most likely A.

    Well and here's where you're wrong, that nobody wants you.

    You're fighting for my freedom, thank you. I mean it, thank you.

    I want you home, you're protecting me and why wouldn't I want a man who is protecting me and fighting for me back home safe and sound and happy?

    I do want that. A lot of people here want that. Never forget what you're fighting for and that though we may not know you all that well, we care about you.

    Thank you for the sacrifices you're making.

    You'll find a woman, one that will stay with you. Those past girls owed you an explanation, I'm sorry you didn't get one, but if that's the way you behave then it just makes you one hundred times more attractive.

    So at the risk of sounding cliche and utterly annoying, I'm going to say hang in there, don't change, and you'll get what you deserve. You've got to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

    And don't let the past stop you. Remember, "Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway." ~John Wayne. Keep trying.

    I don't know if any of this helped, but here's to hoping. :)

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    • Very true, and thankyou for your kind comments about my service, it means alot. And I understand that you are skeptical about how I describe myself, but as I told another commentor. I would not ask a question and expect honest answers, if I am being dishonest about myself. So please beleive me when I say I am who I am, and am very confused as to why I jsut can't find anyone lol

    • Well your welcome, and I suppose you have a point. And also, if you take a good look around, you'll find that a lot of good people have a hard time finding anyone. Unfortunately that's just how life tends to work out.

  • Honestly, it sounds like you may be a guy girls want to marry and settle down with, but not date just to have fun. I believe if you dated a girl ready for a commitment close to that of marriage (maybe not right away, but at least working toward it) you would have better luck. You may have been dating girls who were just looking for a good time, but nothing too serious. When it got too serious (i.e. distance or long term), they would take off. Try to be upfront that you are looking for more than just a fling in your youth (which is what it sounds like to me forgive me if I got the wrong impression from you).

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    • I think you are on to something. I have partied, and dated, and hooked up and been the typical guy and though I know I am still young (24) I want to settle down, and I think it may just be the girls I am dating, who are usually 21-24. Not ready to settle down, and they just want to have fun, still sucks though lol but thankyou for your input

  • Why do guys live under the impression that treating a girl nice is all it takes? That's just a small part of your personality, and it's something all guys should have anyway. Being nice is good, but it's not special or rare as people make it seem.

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    • you are right, but this is something which is being said openly and being exposed only recently. The mainstream messagen the last 40 years has been "you are a guy, you cannot touch a girl not even with a rose, she does not like sex, recognize that if you like girls 'that way' it is wrong, you have to romance and dine and blahblahblah". Why do you think there is an epidemic of nice guys? Cause boys are raised that way. And guess who asked for boys to be raised that way?

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    • I agree, things really need to change. We need to stop seeing our bodies and our desires as shameful. But on the other hand, I don't think it's wrong that guys are taught how to treat a girl.I wish we'd get the same when we're young too, it's only fair. Chivalry is a great thing to have, boy or girl, but it means nothing if you only do it with the one you're interested in. Bettering yourself as a person is always great, and the right girls WILL notice.

    • I think the reason why all this confusion is happening is because we're trying to pull society in 2 different directions: a conservative (sex is shameful, men always pay on dates, no sex before marriage) and a liberal one (equality, pretty much). I think it'll be a while before we set things straight, but I just hope this generation will teach their children better.

  • Not sure but I gotta say... I like this, "I take the lead on many things, where we are going to eat, what we are going to do, but only because I know and understand your likes and dislikes." :D! wooo! :D

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  • Maybe because of your work. Girls didn't want a long distance relationship. Well that's mu opinion.

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  • It's not your looks and it's the women and I think that it's good that you try to find girls with s plan and an education but I think that if you widen you search for girls with different personality's because usually a person dates one kind of person and then only dates that specific type of person so what I'm trying to say is since you are noticing a pattern in how long you date a girl mabey you'll find a pattern in the girls personality.

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  • well in this case I'd say she might have broken up with you because you said you were going away for a whole year. and her life can't just stop for a year until you come back... tho I'm not sure about this.

    you're a gentleman and that's great but don't take this as an offence. are you maybe a little boring? it's hard to guess because you seem like an awesome guy but are you romantic and funny and a little protective maybe? girls love a guy who has all these 3 features. but don't try too hard. too much of anything is never a good thing. also give them space sometimes. don't be too clingy or overprotective or in a way too nice. meaning be a gentleman and romantic and whatever you do but sometimes joke around and tease them (without offending of course) and maybe even play-fight.

    girls want to be excited by the thought of the guy they're going out with. so give them that. it's not as hard as you think. try writing down good things about you and then write down what you think a girl wants... analyze yourself and try working on the things that might be the cause of unsuccessful relationships. :)

    i hope I helped and goodluck!

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    • Well I'm a fun one no doubt, I like to go out, dance, shoot pool, and show a girl a good time. I'm not over protective, and have only 2 rules in a relationship. 1. Be honest, and 2. No one on one with serious ex's. I'm not the type of guy to tell you who you can and can't hang out with, as long as I can trust you, then I don't mind when you go see your guy friends. I'm simple, and laid back, I don't take control in a protective way, and am open to doing anything the girl wants to do

    • well then... I'm thinking the girls you've dated have problems :P

      ...just don't get too big headed or self-absorbed.

  • You do sound like a nice guy. I would say that you haven't met the right girl for you. The waiting could be annoying..i know. But I like to believe that it will all be worth it at the end.

    In the mean time, go out with girls. Explore and get to know the different types of girls. Don't be focused on just one until you know that she'll be the one.

    Keep treating women nicely though! Good luck!

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  • so you are serious guy ?

    you are a good guy from what you said . I don't know why you are single . I'm wondering too ^^

    i would like you if I I were with you .

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    • I appreciate it, and only wished more girls I knew felt the same way as you did lol

    • you will have the girl who knows how to treasure you. the girls left you don't deserve a good boy like you .

      good luck!

What Guys Said 11

  • My guess is they get bored but it's not something I can tell without more details. No offense but you sound like a lot of nice guys. I know this is going to sound corny but try being more like yourself instead of what you think girls want and eventually you will find a girl that will love the way you are and you won't have to worry about all that other stuff. In the meantime, you can always work on improving yourself and becoming better relationship material.

    It's definitely not your looks since they date you in the first place and women care more about how you make them feel emotionally than how you look anyways.

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    • Thats the problem, this is myself, if you want personal information, here is a little story. I have 3 brothers, no sisters. I grew up watching my father verbally and physicaly abuse my mother. I told myself I would never treat women that way. And have lived my life treating every woman I meet with respect, and honesty. I have never cheated, I do my best to be as honest as possible, and be as good a person as I can be.

    • Well there's a big difference between being abusive and teasing a girl/keeping her on her toes so she doesn't get bored of you. You can be a nice guy and gentleman and still mess with girls. That's pretty much how I am. I'm from the South and only had my mom growing up so I have been taught to have manners and treat women properly. But if, for example, she says how she thinks her hair looks messy, I'll be like "yeah I didn't want to say anything but..." and then the whole night I can

    • tease her about it and say how everyone is staring at her hair. But I still hold the doors and stuff like that. Try being more like that and see if you have better luck with your relationships.

  • I read this and apart from the army thing, I feel I am in the same position. Perhaps trying to be what we think girls wants us to be isn't the answer and maybe that could be the reason why they are leaving. Perhaps their are dual standards in place where a woman can leave a guy no problem, but if it is the other way around, then it becomes a chauvanisitic male bashing session.

    You're still quite young and have a lot of life ahead of you. Like me and many others, you want to find that one person to love and for them to love you. Focus on you and being a great you, but not up to the standards you think woman set, only to those that you abide by and within the law. Above all, be happy because if you're not, life becomes empty.

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  • Well it could be your personality, if you really want to know ask your ex girlfriend or the other girl you dated.

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  • Maybe it is the being away so much with your job - my aunt divorced her husband because he refused to give up his career in the army so he could spend more time with her and the children. If you've only been dating a couple of months, a year apart is a long time.

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  • I think it's your personality, something isn't clicking. I really can't say though because I don't know you.

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  • No it's not your looks, they just got bored off you, plain and simple. Also if you say you are in the army and you leave often, then they don't want to be the girl who's boyfriend is miles and miles away and that she won't see him in 6 months. Although to be honest, the first is the first scenario.

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  • My honest answer is perhaps you need to lower your standards a bit to find a girl that doesn't want to lose you. You are probably dating girls who have lots of options and if you do the slightest thing to bother them, they have no problem leaving you to see if someone else is better.

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  • maybe its because you are being too nice. yes taking a lead on certain things is good but you gotta do more than that. be agressive in a good way, show some testosterone. like don't talk in sweet voice and don't try to be their gay freind. be their boyfreind. so I guess man up but you are in the army so I don't know how much more manlier can a man get lol

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  • I'm the same way nice, respectful caring and yet I'm still single. Women say they want nice guys but in reality they want the jerks plain and simple.

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  • Thank you for your service, I don't know how it feels to be away from home but your one brave sob.

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  • I think you answered your question. You were being deployed. Plenty of people are not fans of distance.

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