Ladies, how are guys messing up early in a relationship?

In what ways do guys turn you off early in a relationship/dating...causing your interest level to drop from where it was when you first saw, and met them?

  • Too many compliments
    19% (21)27% (13)21% (34)Vote
  • Being physical too soon/ touching...kissing too soon.
    59% (65)33% (16)51% (81)Vote
  • Telling you how they feel...too early
    22% (25)40% (19)28% (44)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • A. I like compliments, but conversations are a give and take. I wouldn't want him gazing into my eyes calling me beautiful. I want a genuine compliment every once in a while and I want to finish getting to know him.

    ((2.))! Being physical too soon is another turn off. If I were still dating I would want to go on at least 20-30 dates before we had sex or anything like that. Kissing comes when it feels natural, but I want to be sure that their's a genuine connection before I let the physical attraction slip my panties off. Also making out would be a minimum too. I don't want him to think I'm being a tease..

    C. I don't believe in love at first sight, or even love in a week or month.. I believe it takes quite a bit of exposure at least 30 dates and or 4 months to decide whether or not to spill your heart. Admitting that you really enjoy spending time together is perfectly fine.. Just don't get sappy.

    Overall too much too soon is a killer for me. It comes off as either lust, or desperation...

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What Girls Said 28

  • A). Constant compliments can be a bit much but it's all good as long as I feel that my date actually means them when he says them.

    B). When I'm dating a guy, I can pretty much work out what he wants out of our date, if we're coming to the end of our date and it's still early days and he invites me back to his then he's history. I'm not easy, I'd like you to respect me and actually be in a relationship with me before getting in to my pants thank you very much.

    C). It's exciting dating but people do get caught up in the moment, girls are guilty of this too but I'd say that all serious feelings should be a sign that the dating situation should be turned in to a relationship situation where it's okay in a few months to feel 'in love' or whatever.

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  • A. I'm OK with compliments, as long as they're appropriate / relevant,

    and not lousy flowery declarations of love to get into my pants. Thanks! ;-)

    B. I guess that if we're kissing then it's a mutual / reciprocal thing.

    I obviously like you and want to kiss you too,

    otherwise it wouldn't have happened.

    C. This might sound blunt, but I am only being sincere.

    Expressing interest straight away in a very clear and explicit way

    might come across as kind of desperate.

    As in: I really want a girlfriend, you're single, and you're pretty,

    so I like you so much that I just wanna be with you.

    We need to get to know each other first.

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  • When a guy lays it out like you are "seeing" each other then from then on acting like a ghost but still tries to have a conversation with you. (just being shifty/hot-n-cold) that's my personal least favorite thing that some guys do

    trying to be physical way too soon

    telling you waaaay too much information too soon

    telling things about them that some people may not like *ex) you enjoy smoking pot and buying 12 cheeseburgers to satisfy your hunger..

    And this is my second elast favorite thing..I understand that you do different things in the beginning than in the end but when guys fizzle way too soon it irks me. They should try like they are still wanting to get us like after they have...at least for a little while

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    • LOL...good stuff! Then you probably have the guys who can't take a hint...keep hanging around and won't leave!

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    • LOL! Sorry...for some... chivalry isn't cool anymore.

    • It's awesome don't get me wrong..a guy acting with too much chivalry is something I've never had a problem with :D

  • Acting like you're engaged after a month of dating is a huge turnoff, so I put that on the poll. BUT, it is awful when a guy tries to pressure you into going far physically when you've only dated a few weeks, and have told him "not now," yet he acts like you said a flat-out "no."

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  • Too many compliments makes me think that you think I'm a shallow girl only interested in looks, and that proves that you do not know me at all. I'm extremely secure in my body. I don't need compliments. Once in a while is great. Don't do it every ten minutes (yes, guys do this to me). It also makes me think that you are only interested in my body.

    All of the ones you said can be problems, though. The compliments one is just my personal biggest problem in the past.

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    • A lot of guys think the more compliments they give ...the higher her interest level will rise.

    • Well, they're wrong. I start to avoid them and hang out with guys who have more fun-loving personalities and don't need to make everything serious by complimenting me every time I open my mouth. Guys who don't seem to be trying too hard to impress me.

  • One time I'd been on two dates with a guy over a span of two weeks and he confessed his love to me... There's no way it could've been actual love

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  • Touching and kissing too soon, then men will only want sex...that's all they have in their heads.

    If he vanishes fast that's the only thing he wanted. It makes me feel sad, I'm much more than that, not a sexual object. I never go to bed with a guy fast anyway, unless he's my boyfriend, and I really have to be sure... so I should be proud of that.

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    • How long does it normally take you to see that a guy is more interested in sex, than you as a person?

    • Well...the last guy I dated didn't want to go out, he only wanted to be at his place and I didn't like it, that's not what I was looking for, I just wanted a real date, someone who could be more interested in me as a person or the things I do and he never revealed very much of him so it made me think he wasn't interested in a relationship with me. Sad but true. :(

    • How long?...I noticed with this guy on the 4th date, then we had a 5th and 6th date it was in one month.

  • I voted A.

    Too many compliments would just tell me you're just trying to suck up and they're not genuine.

    Also, talking about meeting friends and family. Scary! I want to establish a comfort level(s) in social situations.

    Also, don't show me the skeletons in your closets right away or expect me too. We can discuss about the past down the road.

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  • We've been going out for under a week... And you say you love me? Boo you. lol

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  • They're all real turnoffs. However, even if I liked a guy, if he wanted to get physical too quickly, I would feel really used (even if it wasn't the case) and I would dump the guy without a second thought. The others I can deal with if it seems genuine and depending on the situation but the other one not as much.

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  • I voted B. I usually wait until I actually know the guy before we kiss and everything and if he's rushing into it it's a sign we're not on the same page. The fact that you added "too" to all of them signals excess, and nothing in excess is good. However, he can't tell me how he feels too early. If he's able to open up like that, I'd admire it and if anything, would make me like him more.

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    • Thanks for your answer. With the exception of A...B&C options relect bad timing...not excess. I used to because 90% of guys move too fast (faster than most women) and fall in love faster than girls do. Many girls feel that if a guy bears his soul too early...its a bad sign..and causes them to lose some interest in the guy. Guess it all boils down to how much you like the guy from the start...which will determine how much you will overlook. Thanks again.

    • Well if I'm there I'm obviously interested, and I know we won't be in the same place emotionally from the start, one of us will be ahead with their feelings, but that shouldn't be discouraging. And yes, you're right.

  • A combination of both; touching too soon,telling me how they feel..it just sucks.

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  • Definitely being too physical too soon. That's the number one thing that's driven me away. Being too serious about it early on too.

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    • Basically if I've not the one initiating the touching, I probably am not ready for it or don't want it

    • "Basically if I've not the one initiating the touching, I probably am not ready for it or don't want it." Yes! I've told guys this time after time! The answer I hear from them is .."oh she's shy". My response to them is "BS! Okay...if you are really into a guy...do you find yourself giving him a quick subtle touch here and there...on the first date?

    • yes I will make it known to him that I want physical contact. He should never have to guess

  • Playing mind games, flirting like a whore with other females, not initiating contact or enough contact.

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    • What kind of mind games are you thinking of? How much contact is enough for you...in other words...the bare minimum? I don't consider texting as "real contact"...so with me...its either the phone...talking...or even better..in person.

    • Like playing the "show no interest game" where you tell her how much you like her, then once she tells you she likes you too, suddenly showing no interest to see how she reacts. Another form of mind game guys like to play is waiting to call after asking for her number.

      On contact. Waiting more than a day to return a call is ridiculous, unless your really busy. When you wait too long to return calls or texts,it doesn't make it look like you have a life or your mysterious, it makes you look rude.

  • Expecting too much physical contact 5ecs after you meet

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    • Don't you think if more women would start acting like ladies, it would cause more guys to act like gentlemen? I would suggest that Hollywood brain washes guys to be physical too early...instead of being classy, and hanging back.

    • i agree, I wish girls would act with a little more self-respect and class, it would make life for girls like me a lot easier because then we wouldn't have to keep rejecting guys physical advances so soon in a relationship.

    • I agree 100%

  • Talking about exes, saying the same things over and over, not remembering things I have said when they ask, too touchy feely, no common interests, different sense of humor, being too pushy, making me make all the plans or text them first all the time, flaking in dates without telling me why, etc.

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    • Wow...I'm guessing a guy who keeps his mouth shut...is a good listener...keeps his hands to himself...is honest..respectful,and trustworthy would really get your attention huh?

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    • There's not really a good enough excuse, unless it's something like someone died. And I like guys that take initiative, but aren't obnoxious about it.

    • I agree,no excuse is good enough. I've never broken a date...ever! I would crawl over broken glass to get to the date!

  • Talking/joking about sex so much, it starts to seem like that is all you want.

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  • i always love getting physical quick as long as its not sex I don't like to rush into that! but too many compliments annoys me I don't mind it every now and then but every time they see me makes me wanna tell them to shut up!

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  • My thing is a guy who is too shy. I like to go slow, but not extremely slow and call me cliche, but I like for the guy to make the first move because if a guy doesn't want to kiss a girl he won't where as a girl usually wants a kiss before decided.

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  • Pressure

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  • Being to rude.

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  • I don't think any of those are that bad but if I had to choose I would say that too many complimentswould get old first.

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  • A B C all 3. and being clingy

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  • FWIW, too many compliments is hard to do. We have an issue with FAKE compliments, IMO. If you are originally ambivalent about a girl's haircut then later say "oh it looks so sexy" when you're trying to get her in bed, well, that's not cool.

    Or if you give us a passive-aggressive compliment, like, "I usually dig [insert hair color], but I -guess- I can make an exception for you, since you're pretty hot I guess."

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    • I have never gotten a passive aggressive compliment like that.

    • Consider yourself lucky, my dear. I'm fairly well endowed and my one ex suggested I get a padded bra as a "joke."

  • I actually said A... Compliments are awesome but some guys will go overboard with the really generic ones... When we've only been dating for a few weeks, generic compliments can seem super insincere.

    Telling me how they feel is great. I love honesty. Even if they feel stronger about me than I do about them, it doesn't feel that smothering to me, I just appreciate the sincerity.

    Being physical too soon is okay because I am VERY fine with saying no if I don't want to :P As long as they listen, it's no big deal.

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  • it depends on the guy I'm thinking of -_-

    I know A is something I hate.. I want to be begging on the inside to hear one (thats just me)

    B gives me the feeling this guy mightn't be as serious with me

    C happens a lot and to me it messes up everything.. there was this once when I didn't even get time to like him or have interest in him

    In general.. A B and C have something in common.. 'nice guy' traits..

    I can't really explain why I will never like a nice guy (more than a friend of course) but ill give it a try..

    I googled for help but I couldn't explain

    read this article on why nice guys finish last and hopefully you'll understand

    link

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    • Good answers. Would you like a guy who treats you very well...he SHOWS you that he likes you...but keeps you wondering exactly what he's thinking about you? Maybe a guy whos a little mysterious, kind of a challenge, but not in a game playing way?

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    • Now don't get challenge guys and macho guys confused. Challenge guys are normally (not always) good guys. Macho guys act like challenge guys...but end up being jerks.

    • Lool

      I like how you put it I wish I could give you a +1 for that

  • Wanting to have sex too soon. I was with a guy before and that's all he wanted from me.

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    • have you met many guys who didn't bring up sex? If so, What qualities about them (other than looks) caught your attention?

    • No just that one. The other guys I never feel in love with. But the guy I'm with now, he didn't really catch my attention (at least I don't think or remember). He asked me out. This is the first guy I ever fell in love with. His smile, his sense of humor and he takes care of me.

  • Nobody, male nor female, should invest emotionally in the relationship until at least a month in or so. Trying to make sure you "capture" someone during this period really says more about your own insecurity and your desire for their superficial traits than it does about the pair of you being a good couple together. Be cool the first month in. I don't mean PLAY cool, I mean really evaluate it honestly and don't be blinded because so many of the "little" things (looks, humor, similar taste in music, etc) match up. Wait it out to see if your values and life goals are on the same path.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I figured this is what ladies would say about these. I have most of these down meaning I know not to do these because it's too much and just out of context. Most girls (the vast majority) would be turned off if a guy said they love her when they haven't known each other for too long. Not enough. Thank you Question Asker for posting this question up and for the ladies that commented and gave their honest opinion. It gave me a look into the female's perspective. Thank you for the insight.

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  • Guys do it but girls do it too (sometimes)

    A month ago, I found a trace leading to an ex of mine. We were both 19 when we met at a party at college and started making out about right away. (her initiative, I wouldn't have dared to go that fast. And no, she wasn't a slut, just a healthy young girl)

    I discovered she had a small handicap which she hid from other persons.

    During the days after that, back then, she told me very few things about herself, I didn't tell that much either, nor did I push her to talk. She wanted to stay a virgin till she knew 'the good one' (obviously not me at that moment) I respected that thus I didn't even try or propose.

    Thus we made out when we met until we drifted apart, and it wasn't even necessary to split, we'd never been really a couple. She just drifted back to her friends, I went back to mine, met other girls, didn't forget her but had no pain: I didn't appreciate what I didn't know... (I know for sure that it was not her little handicap which separated us, not on my behalf at least)

    I just had a good souvenir when thinking about her... until we met again a month ago: she's been a (childless) widow since years now and the two times we met she was so talkative that I really hadn't to say much to keep the conversation going ;-) a torrents of words from a more than adult (65) widow showing clearly she's much more intelligent than I ever thought back then.

    IDK if we would have stayed together but we would certainly have had a much longer and more meaningful relationship if I'd known more about her, back then. When I left her last week, I hugged her, and we gave just a friend's kiss on the cheeks. Of course (?) neither of us did mention her little hidden handicap (I didn't dare)

    This is one case, two persons, I had short (and one longer) relationships with other girls before I met my wife.

    Difficult to establish a universal rule based on one story, ( BTW, I'm more a hedonist than a moralist)

    Just a real life story...

    I intend to meet her again, my wife is OK with it.

    (if my wife will still be OK with it when her call comes)

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