Chasing the guy you're dating is a turn off?

So...chasing the guy can be a turn off I guess, for not letting him do "the work", but what if I stop chasing him and maybe he calls again? or you would never try any contact with her again?

I think is OK to chase, not like a psycho, so he can see I'm interested too, but maybe is not a good idea?

What do you guys think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't think it's a turn off at all. The problem is that if he isn't interested he's not going to become interested by you chasing him. Or at least it's not likely he will.

    In my opinion there is no need for all these games. If the girl makes her intentions clear it will clear out weeks if not months or years of frustration on the guy's part of wondering if the girl likes him or whether he has a chance.

    Since most guys are used to having to show their intentions towards girls, when girls do the chasing themselves they are usually really successful. Guys think "wow she's into me this is really easy"

    The only problem comes that some guys will respond to that sort of "power" of having the girl interested in them by realizing they don't need to do anything at all. This backfires a lot because it can get misinterpreted as there being no interest. So if a girl does the chasing, she should either be somewhat subtle about it (while still being clear) or she should go all out and initiate most of everything. If she initiates in the beginning and he decides he has you already, you're going to have to continue the chase. At that point if you are looking for him to initiate or call or whatever you're just destined to lose.

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    • Problem is we all think different too...but I was stupid this time, I always let them do the work, don't know what happened to me with this guy anyway, the physical attraction was really strong from both sides but I know that's never enough.

What Guys Said 8

  • I've never been a fan of this chasing bullsh*t, but it's something that happens with the much younger generation. I ain't saying you're old or anything but someone our age group shouldn't have to be chasing nor should have anyone chasing us. If you are chasing a guy and he is hard work, give up on him! He's obviously not grown up and doesn't realize life is short. I like simplicity: meet a girl and dates and so on... Again I hate this chasing crap, I wouldn't settle for it at this age now.

    Seriously, find someone else if he is hard work. If that is your picture, I'm pretty sure you won't find it difficult to get male attention, especially more mature men.

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    • Yes...chasing is boring, if you really like someone there can't be turn offs for stupid small things and to me liking someone is accepting EVERYTHING in the other person, even if you just met them, that's for kids, next time I will date a mature man, not a 32 year old kid...THANK YOU!

  • Not at all. I don't want the tradtional role, so I love it when I'm chased, and caught. But of course I don't want a stalker, just a flirt. You know what I mean, right?

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  • If you are really interested in a guy...can you really help NOT chasing him if he's not chasing you? I wouldn't be turned off if she chased me...this is called incoming. Incoming tells me that she has HIGH interest level. Now..it is possible for her to over do it.

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    • Well it all turned into something weird, he only wanted to meet at his place...I thought texting sometime was going to be just OK, I never told him to see each other, he was the one saying come today to my house, even if we never had sex!

  • I'd be pretty turned off if a woman was chasing me. People nowadays expect it to be Man chasing the woman, I'm a fan of both.

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    • I meant turned ON! :(

    • Awww, wish all guys could think like you! so you can see there's interest from her too.

    • I wish all women thought like you :3 But yeah, a woman chasing me would be fantastic, like she's a Tiger and I'm a a deer, she's going to get the prey :)

  • At some point there has to be some give and get.

    Are you in a sexual realtionship or is this still courting flirting stuff ?

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    • Not sexual, only "lovey dovey" for one month, I just stopped talking to him, It's been 2 weeks now and he didn't contact me again, I'm sure I turned him off, or maybe he only wanted to play with me!

    • I would have to agree. He's not coming, don't hold your breath longer than 2 weeks =(

  • not a turn off at all, how are we supposed to know you like us back?

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  • Women shouldn't think they're time is too important for a man, because most women reject men, if he approach her "expectedly", women only want a man's attention by giving him signals to approach, just so she can feel invincible.

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  • Give it a little time (not much), and ask him out again. He may feel intimidated around a confident and attractive older woman, so you’ll need to demonstrate that you’re seriously interested in him, and not just flirting.

    Many young men assume that older women are already married. Others assume that older women don’t take younger men very seriously – except as sex objects. Given his self-deprecating remarks, he may think you’re too “worldly” and experienced to be really interested in some “na├»ve young thing” like him.

    Even if he’s “busy” again, at least you’ll have made your intentions clear. If he fancies you, he’ll probably come round to asking you out shortly thereafter.

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    • Nah...not calling him again, never!, I've tried and I quit!, he was 2 years less than me but maybe I'm not mature enough, sometimes I tease too much and some guys don't like it, don't know if it was my good sense of humor or I didn't want to have sex...wasn't ready to be with him, in the end he didn't do anything to deserve it anyway...I was smart at least! haha

    • maybe he is not for you. call yourself lucky. problem is you don't want too hand yourself on plate to him. if you try too much with guys.

What Girls Said 1

  • Chasing is a turn-off and ends in heartache for the girl, when the guy considers her too needy, too easy, to accessible in general. Like the difference between what you have in the fridge and the thing that's not there but you crave enough to get out of the apartment and search for...

    Be the champaign, not the flat soda.

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    • Yes, you're right...so I'd scare him away!, thanks!

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    • But you know, I didn't even chase him in the end, just sent some texts, and he was the one asking me to come over his house to spend time together, weird because the last time was great, he was very interested asking personal things, about my family, he was making a lot of eye contact, then told me he had to make a trip with a friend for 5 days, told me to come 2 consecutive days because he wasn't going to see me for a while, and then he never called again after that! I find this very immature!

    • Just move on. Better to know the guy's flaws while the association is still young. ;-)

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