I've never had anything serious with a girl and I really like this girl, and I feel like he screwed everything up for me.

There's this girl. She told me last Thursday night that she had a big crush on me and wanted me to ask her out, and I said I liked her too and we should go out. Since then, we had been texting almost nonstop.

Well Friday morning, she had to friend zone her best guy friend. He didn't take it too well and started messaging her a ton on Facebook. She basically kept telling him to leave her alone. He was acting really weird at work Saturday and Sunday. I told someone Monday to go check on him, and he said the guy was gonna come play basketball. Tuesday we learn he got into a car crash on Monday trying to kill himself.

I went with this girl to the hospital to see him. We couldn't see him, and I calmed the girl down and convinced her it wasn't her fault. We made out a little after she dropped me off at my car. That night we hung out with some other friends. She seemed fine and happy again. We ended up making out again when no one was around.

So yesterday we went to happy hour with a couple others. We made the plans Tuesday, but I got the sense she didn't want me there. She texted me something like "It's all girls. I understand if you don't wanna come." We I got there, we went outside and she told me she feels guilty for seeing me while the guy is in the hospital. She stayed a little longer, but left because she said she wasn't feeling good. I texted her saying I'm cool with everything and she should take her time and just let me know if/when she's ready.

So now I'm holding a lot of resentment toward this guy. I've never had anything serious with a girl and I really like this girl, and I feel like he screwed everything up for me. Am I a complete @sshole for thinking that? And do you think me and the girl can fight through this?

Updates:
Me and the girl are keeping our relationship a secret from people at work. So the guy didn't know about us. He may have been suspicious, but he didn't know for sure. There's only one of my guy friends and one of her girl friends who we've actually told. Her friend told me that the girl really likes me and that she'll talk to her for me to get her over that guy.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I hate how girls do this. They get all guilty about everything and it bogs down the relationship. Your right it isn't her fault he got in a car accident. You guys just need to do what makes you happy regardless if he likes it or not. Don't go rubbing it in his face, but you are not required to hide your relationship for his sake. Keep things low key and give her space until things cool down a bit. It's hard to say whether or not she'll eventually snap out of it. Hopefully she won't break up with you because she thinks a relationship with you will cause to much drama with this other guy in the picture.

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What Girls Said 3

  • No your not an a**hole essentially he was trying to screw things up to get her to himself, he was the one acting like an ass by not leaving her alone then flying off the hook lashing out like that trying to kill himself :\ no wonder she friendzoned him, he obviously has problems to deal with. Nobody wants to go out with someone whos just mentally unstable and constantly lashes out when they don't get their own way.

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  • I don't think your an a**** for having some type of resentment for this guy, but in my opinion if both of you have feelings for each other let it be, you can't hide how you feel because of this guy acting like that, you can respect him when his around, but that's it.

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  • you're not a complete a**hole, at least you made her happy again for some moments, that's a good thing, she doesn't need to worry too much about the other guy but of course have some hope that he will be fine :) and it's normal that she feels guilty, give her some time and I think it'll be fine, good luck. ;)

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What Guys Said 3

  • No, I don't think your a complete ass for feeling what you are feeling. The reality is that he tried to kill himself...so he's the selfish ass. Give her a little time. She's dealing with some guilt issues. I would let her know when you talk to her that he may use this stupid stunt of his to try to get her to be with him. Ask her if that is what she really wants. Also, as you stated earlier, just let her know that you will wait to see if/when she is ready to see you. I think that is about all you can do atm. Trying to push her right now probably would make her resent you. So, all you can do is step back and let her get herself sorted out.

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  • At the end of the day you've done nothing wrong man. If she was with that other guy then I'd think that would be very sly but she wasn't. It's not your fault that she liked you and not him. It's also not her fault, it's his fault. I don't feel harsh for saying it, I hope he gets well and understand there is more to life, some people have it much worse out there. It's just one girl. I'm not saying it isn't hurtful for him cause it is, but you just have to get over it, it happens to everyone in some way or another. I can understand you being annoyed at him, I would too (with some pity too) but try not to show it. I'd say you handled it well with the girl, I hope she comes back to you.

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  • She'll come around in time, and he definitely has some serious problems he's gotta work on - surviving this will help him, and at least he has a friend who cares about him, even if it comes out negatively on you. Honestly, I don't blame you for being pissed at him, but you should try and work through that, don't hold onto that. He didn't do it to spite you, he did it because he was obviously in a very bad place. Hell, in a few years time he might apologize to you - or he might not, because he won't know how it impacted. But hopefully you won't be holding on to it then, right?

    But no, you're not an a**hole. It doesn't sound like you know the guy that well, so clearly you aren't going to feel too bad for him, and it IS meddling in your affairs, any situation, as unpreventable as it might be, that meddles so is going to make you angry. But, in this case, it's just better to be humble than to be aggressive, which I think you're doing anyway. You're alright, man, it's alright.

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