Question about red flags?

This was something that happened years ago just before I started dating this guy. He had finally gathered to gut to ask me out, but I was caught so off guard that I didn't say yes. I also didn't say no. I had JUST gotten through a break-up, so I wasn't even thinking about getting into a new relationship yet, but I still liked this guy. It was just sudden and I told him I needed some time.

The next thing that happened should have tipped me off that this guy might not be a safe choice, but I ignored it. When a friend of his asked him how he felt that a girl shot him down, he said 'pissed'.

Do men seriously get pissed off when a girl says 'it's too soon for me, can I please just have a bit of time to think some things through?' Do men seriously just assume it's an automatic 'no', and move on to the next chick?

I ended up dating this guy and he turned out to be a complete nutcase, so I assume it's just him. But why would a guy be 'pissed' when he gets a possible chance for a date?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Mostof us, yes, assume "I need time' is just a two faced way of saying, 'No.', and it often IS that, you know. Maybe not in your case, but he's not alone in his reaction.

    Still, he should have considered your felings and not complained about you to third parties right away like that!

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    • Thanks for the answer!

      How would you suggest I could say 'not right now' without making a guy think 'no'? I shouldn't have to jump into a new relationship with someone just because he's going to assume I mean 'no' when I really don't.

    • There's no 'perfect' way to handle things sometimes..maybe set a specific time, such as, "I will call you in two weeks."

What Guys Said 2

  • Yes, we mostly assume that when we get rejected. Anything besides a yes, is considered a no.

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    • So does that justify getting pissed off? I've never heard of a guy getting 'pissed' when a girl does say no. It just sounds so immature and whiny. I can understand being sad or heartbroken even, but not pissed. And I would think if a person says, "I'm not ready right now, I need some time." then that would mean you HAVE a chance, so you should rejoice! lol wouldn't you be like "Oh great, it's not a yes, but it's not a no either. Even if it's just 1%, it's still a chance I won't pass up!"

    • No reason to get pissed. Just part of the game.

  • Theres only 2 awnsets girls give. A yes and a no. How they say no changes depending on how nice they are.

    most girls who say maybe later Or I need time usually arnt intrested and its a,no.

    Just very polite.

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    • Ah damn. Leave it to other girls to ruin simple sentences for me. Wish I could be in a world where one thing doesn't always mean another, I hate that sh*t.

    • Sorry. But youve got to know there are really mean guys and girls who will also say ”maybe later” or ”i just need more time” just to lead the girl or guy on to.

      lets say a girl in a simular case

      She will lead the guy on and date other guys hoping the next guy is better and dump the first. Basicly putting the guys on the backburner to look for somone better.

      And yes some jerk guys do this to..,

      So its better for us to take it as a no and move on. And we say were pissed but really were sad

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