What is the best way to put a girl in her place?

The girl I am seeing now seems to believe she can control me and say mean things to me and I will tolerate it. This is the message I have so far:

"I am not afraid of you leaving me. I can be happy without you, and I was happy before you. I love you but I want you to use less terse language with me and be more happy. There are plenty of things I don't like about you too, but I don't focus on them like a laser everyday and try to change them. I just accept it for what it is. Do not think you can intimidate or control me for even a second, and don't assume I will apologize for things you have said or done wrong, it will not happen."

Updates:
She says things like "fine, we won't meet today then" or "I won't message you if you don't do this". Or "fine, you don't need to meet my mom" since I wouldn't pay for her mom's dinner.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't need to "put her in her place," you need to simply leave her. I'm all for independence and assertiveness but what you described in your update is manipulation. Stooping to her level wouldn't do any good. She might change *someday*, but she's probably not going to realize that what she does is wrong until it ends relationships. Hence leaving her.

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What Girls Said 5

  • You can't change a person. That's the number one mistake in a relationship. You need to leave her. This is who she is, and obviously you can't live with that.

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    • No but you can get revenge and completely crush their self-esteem and sense of self, which some people deserve.

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    • It's all true. There is no correction and the abuse keeps coming back in diferent forms ...

    • You're both animals then. You deserve each other.

  • If someone controls you, leave. Simple as that. They will not change, nor can you control/change them.

    She sounds mean, but I'm also concerned by your "put her in her place" comment, because a lot of guys say that when a girl asks for control of her own life ("I want to see friends whenever I want"), and the guy "puts her in her place" as the controllee.

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  • What specifically does she do to control you?

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    • She's a bitch, I think you should dump her. The message you have is good, but you should probably tone down the emotional level to get what you want to be more likely to happen. First, though, we have to figure out: is your goal to get her to be more respectful in the way she treats you or is it to break up with her?

  • Dump her.

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  • Either tell her you don't like the way she treats you or leave her.

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What Guys Said 4

  • You do tolerate it though, because you presumably keep on coming back to her. and she knows this, and is thoroughly in control. She's in control because you're hooked and you don't want to give her up. If you were sensible, you'd know you should be expecting better in the first place and let her go, knowing you can do better.

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  • start with" knock that sh*t off sweetie. It is not gonna work with this guy" do not go into the detail you described above. if she has the bitch on she is only gonna get that you are gonna man up. no need to tell her detail. she is not listening. no need to explain consequences. you take control of the conversation and make her ask. If she amps up the bitch. do not argue. just say later. and walk away.

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  • your message is good, but change the first line. instead of saying, "i am not afraid of you leaving me." say, "I am not afraid to leave you." you're a man, you don't need her approval

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  • You can't make the leopard change her spots ... I'd dump her because I have a low threshold for that abuse too.

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