Dating a girl after a break up and says feels no spark

Hi all,

So I have been dating a girl after a bad break up with her ex who then told me she needed time to vent and space to focus on fam and school then learned she went back to him, 2 mths go by and she's done with him again this time she says for sure. So we continue where we started, I send her flowers on her birthday get her a plush, and text maybe every 4 days back to each other as she's busy with school and promo modeling. Now I have yet to kiss her as I don't want to rush in too fast as a rebound but instead take it slow and wait for right time to kiss her. All in all been seeing her for 2 mths in total maybe one once a week. Now I tell her on the phone if she sees us being more as I told her I put enough effort and would appreciate some effort back like she use to text me often and call. She says she likes me and thinks I'm great but says she doesn't feel "The Spark" I have wine and dine her and treat her amazing, never curse, complete gentlemen. And I tell her I want more then just friends as I developed very strong feelings for her and tell her I don't know if I can be friends as it would kill me to see her in a relationship with another future guy. What do I do, do I keep it as friends and somehow TRY to win her heart as I heard the spark can take a while after a girl who still loves her ex no matter how he treated her as that may be the cause. Please help me out as I'v become very attached to her and truly want to win her to be my future girlfriend. Any tips as to also if we hang out as friends like kiss hand etc would be helpful! :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Being friends with someone you have feelings for ALWAYS hurts. No matter how small or big those feelings are. If she's not impressed by your effort now, she won't be in the (near) future, so my advice is to stop making so much effort. If she's not feeling the spark now, she might later, but that's just 50-50.

    Don't push her, like when you go out, don't try to hold her hand or hug her or kiss her. That just makes things weird. She knows how you feel, try to act like a friend around her, just talk, have fun, but no physical contact, or not too much.

    When someone (doesn't matter boy or girl) isn't over their ex yet, it's a waste of time to begin a relationship. I'm not saying it's always like that but I've learned my lesson. When I meet a guy that's not over his ex girlfriend yet, it's not relationshipmaterial (yet). I'm not dealing with a broken heart I didn't break. If that happens, I'll try to be just friends, no matter how I feel about him.

    Give her time to get over him. If he was an a**hole, it might make it easier, but she still could have felt a lot of love. Try to be there for her as a friend, don't make "jokes" about a future relationship, don't give her the impression you're waiting for her, don't wait for her.

    Just see how things go. I know that's a sh*itty sentence but sometimes it's the best someone could do.

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    • Its great advice, it hurt when she said she felt no spark and I have read online that it just takes time till the person gets it but time will only tell, as well when will I know she's over her ex? at the same time I don't want her to be over ex not me knowing and then another guy comes and sweeps her off her feet. At the moment she says every guy is a jerk no matter what they all act nice few mths later like her ex turn 360 being a**hole. When will I know to kiss her if ever.

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    • she went back to him twice so far so if she's talking to him again as she said, then it might be a 3rd. all my friends said if she isn't txting as much back then she's not interested and they were right I guess in a sense I was just hoping for the best. So I'll be her friend and hopefully try to win her heart someday. Also any tip to do to create some sort of a spark? lol Appreciate the advice! :)

    • It's hard to create a spark. Personally, I feel a spark with someone that's on the same line as me. If we have the same humour and he looks like he takes care of himself, if he's not selfish and shows he's into me, I can feel a spark. when there's no pressure, no gossip and people leave you to it.

      Be her friend but don't be too mellow when he ditches her a third time. Not to be rude (cuz I've googled the translation from Dutch) but "Even an ass will not fall twice in the same quicksand."

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