Ever since I can remember any guys who have been interested in me, seem to really like me lots, and say how much they like me and how great/beautiful I am etc. It seems like the want to be with me then they just turn cold. My mum and others think it is because I am very intelligent and I am interested in art, history, etymology, writing etc pretty nerdy stuff I guess. I am also quite insecure, mainly due to lots of bullying in high school, which again people put down to jealousy of my intellect. I am also very funny according to friends and acquaintances, some saying I could be the female Ant or Dec lol, I always get men who I have spoken to online as more of pen pals etc telling me I am pretty and a guys dream match. Despite being insecure I can honestly say I know I am clever and not unfortunate looking although cannot say how pretty due to insecurities, I know I am funny, I am kind, loving loyal, not a **** but not fridgid, and in a relationship I am 100% loving and faithful. I am a humble person so I don't sit there saying "im so clever" so it isn't like I am being arrogant, and the guys who do this aren't all looking for sex, a lot of them are relationship type men and then a while later they are with someone else who is often not that clever (not being rude just honest)
So I am wondering, is the fact that I enjoy reading and learning new things putting men off? An ex years ago once got angry because I got better GCSE's than him but it wasn't like I sat there going "haha you suck" he asked what I got and I said. When I look for a guy the only intelligence I aim for is that they can spell, I just don't understand! I am 20 and I know I have ages to find a guy to marry and all that but I feel I will never get a guy unless I dumb it down. I recently got out of a 3 year relationship as I was being treated like trash and I have know found out he is a man slag and is going for women who are completely unlike me.
Some people say I am too nice? But I quite like my personality as I am not a mean person, I just don't know what I am doing wrong. As long as a man is faithful and nice I don't care if he works at tesco or NASA lol Please offer insight :) Also the way I have worded this is not how I speak just in case people think that is the problem, unfortunately I was born in Essex and have an Essex accent lol
Meanwhile lots of mean bitchy women have long loving relationships and I sit here like great does this mean I have to be a ***** to meet a nice guy!?
3 months ago
Most Helpful Girl
About the 'being too nice' bit. I can so relate to this ( I feel like you could be me a *cough* few years ago). I felt the same way, that I liked being nice and I didn't want to have to be someone else just to get a guy. But stubbornness comes in every flavor and what you think of as nice has another name: doormat. Save your niceness for people who earn it. It's hard to admit that something you admire about yourself is flawed, but if you look around you'll see that there are people who are really nice people but who don't put up with being treated like dirt, by schoolmates or boyfriends or anyone. Aspire to be like them. Trust that, since you're naturally nice, you're not going to morph into a b$&+# just by sticking up for yourself. I guarantee you that what *will* happen is that you'll get more respect and you'll become hella sexy to guys. If you make it clear that you believe in your own value and will stand up for what you need and what's important to you (not the same thing as having to have your own way all the time) he'll believe in your value too and realize what an awesome score he's made.
As an aside note, if you're taking care of your needs then you automatically won't be available all the time and can relax and be totally friendly and interested without worrying about coming across as desperate...0