Advice on dating more than one at a time...

I've been single for a year, and the dry spell has ended with 3 guys I'm pretty interested in. One is out of town-- never asks who I see here. Unspoken "don't ask don't tell, I see you when I see you" kind of thing. Locally there are 2 guys I'm seeing. One I can be totally honest with, as he too is open about not wanting anything serious. The newest man is ultra sensitive, and I think I have the biggest connection and intrigue with him... What to do with all this?

Is it fair to just not tell #3 about my other friends? At least until we've gotten to know each other better?

I'm not "with" anyone, so I really don't think I'm doing anything wrong, but I also don't want to hurt anyone..


Most Helpful Guy

  • LOL, your other "friends"... You're right, you're not with anyone so you don't owe them fidelity, but it's a little silly to pretend you really care about their feelings. Maybe you'd prefer they not be hurt, but let's be honest. You are dating three people at the same time. It is all about you. The very reason you're asking the question means a part of you knows you're gonna hurt someone and that you're OK with doing it if it means having lots of options. No one here is going to know anything more than you beyond that.

    • haha, wow, no one's ever quite called me out like that. I'd have to give it to you, I am knowingly being selfish, and I'm okay with that. I feel like I deserve to test various waters and see what I like best. I do feel guilty when emotional stakes appear to be high for someone else, while my feelings are so resilient about this casual part of dating. I guess what I'm looking for is some other experiences to reference, and reassurance that I don't need to disclose my every move to these guys.

    • And I think that's fine. I've been in the same boat, but with multiple women. And I've had multiple women pull the same thing on me - in fact a few times there were dates planned for an evening and that afternoon they sent a text message saying "hey I like you but I'm gonna get serious with this other guy, good luck!" So, it is what it is.


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What Guys Said 2

  • don't do it. it's not fair to the guys. a relationship is one person loving one other person. the only way for it to "work" is if you tell EVERYONE that you are into a Polygamy relationship, just remember not many people are mature for that kind of relationship.

    • there is no relationship in question. this is about dating. A stage in which you should be able to explore options. I won't lie to anyone, but I'm also not going to lay all my business on the table.

    • well if it's just dating after say the 2nd date you can tell them you are dating other guys but are not in a full sexual relationship with them.

  • I do the same thing.

    I don't see anything wrong with it but if he starts getting too connected and seeing you two as an item you should tell him that you haven't picked a favorite yet.


What Girls Said 1

  • There is nothing wrong with dating more than one person at a time as long as they know you are doing so. If you tell them, "hey, right now I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I'm just interested in dating around and getting to know people". That gives them the option to make up their own mind, they can continue to date you or move on. Keeping it from them is not the way to go, that's a sure fire way to burn bridges and hurt people. Then, if down the road you decide to choose one of them, you tell him, see if he agrees, and then let the other guys know that you have decided to commit to _____.