Advice on how to proceed?

tl;dr HS friend wants to date, but being clingy already. Not sure how I feel about her, but don't want to miss chance. Advice?

So recently this friend of mine from high school started texting me a lot. I don't text with friends that much so I could quickly feel that she liked me. Our friendship has been very casual, just joking around but I've never had any interest in her. So anyways, I've talked casually with her, not giving any signs of interest, and all this happening a year after my first dating experience which I'm still trying to get completely over.

So a month after talking she lets me know (via text) that she's had a crush on me and wants to get to know me better. And the whole month has been her texting me everyday, most of the time just asking 'what's up' and small talk. That dating from a year ago? Yeah it was embarrassing for me because I texted too much. Oh how experience changes how you think about things... I dislike the texting as main form of convo, especially using it to tell me how she feels. Just feels so middle school like.

The thing I've been going over in my head is what I should do. This last dating experience changed me. I was done with dating for a while until I grew up more as a person. But with her, I know how she is, very nice girl with nice personality. I should also say that I'm not attracted to her physically, she's sweet & I like her personality. But I'm worried I may only want to date to get to 2nd/3rd base with her. I do NOT want to use her, not that type of guy, no matter how strong my urges.

I don't know whether I should just tell her up front I'm not interested in dating (staying friends, I really do mean this); or should I stop being picky, take things slow, and see where they lead? What do you think?


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What Girls Said 1

  • Well it sounds like you don't even like this girl that much because you haven't stated any qualities that you like about her. If you like someone then you wouldn't have to think twice about it. If you want her to stop texting you so much just keep giving her excuses (you're busy, working, etc). Even if you're not busy, lie an say you are. Don't answer her messages as much and just purposely take long to answer with very short answers.

    Sadly, I am a clingy person and I know that is a good way to get a clingy person to leave you alone...or just tell them "Please stop texting me everyday I need my space" or just tell them to F off if it's really that bad. I've actually had to put myself on invisible to one guy on my Skype, FB, and other accounts because I swear the minute he sees me online he messages me. Good thing I never gave him my number. I agree with you, it's very embarrassing to be known as the clingy person. A lot of times we don't even know when we're doing it and when we do, it's too late. I've been working on it and I gotta say it's one of the most difficult habits to get rid of.

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    • Reflecting on her qualities, she's not my type physically, and she has always been just very nice, and honestly kind of boring. This is what I avoid since I'm also a boring person, but that's because I have so much to learn & do. This is another thing learned & why I wanted time off from even considering dating.

      I do take a while to reply and respond with shorts msgs, but just so she backs off. It's absolutely amazing realizing the other side of clinginess. And yeah, very hard to rid.

What Guys Said 1

  • I think you should just tell her she is extremely nice and sweet but you want to stay friends because you're not ready to date again (which seems to be the truth). It sounds like you're just considering becoming more with her because you would feel guilty for not giving her a chance because of how nice she is but it's not your fault at all if you are not attracted to her.

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    • Yeah, you're right. Not ready to date again, but not because of missing ex, because of wanting to be a better man & person, I don't have much to offer atm.

      I don't know if it's guilt though... I guess I'm just debating whether I genuinely want to give things a chance vs whether I'm really just going with it for the physical aspects of it. I mean she has certain large...'qualities'. That would be wrong though right?

    • Ah gotcha. Well I feel like that most guys would think that's a good enough excuse to date a girl haha. But I understand where you're coming from.

      You say you don't have much to offer but she seems to think you do. And I feel like the best way to improve yourself is through learning from experiences, which you won't have unless you do things and take chances. I don't really feel sure advising you to do it or not but that's something to think about.

    • You're definitely right about learning from experiences. Thanks for your answers.

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