Why am I always attracted to the "wrong" guy?

I don't know why, and I don't know if I'm doing it on purpose or not (if that makes any sense to you) But it seems like the worse a guy is the more I like him.

I'm eighteen and I'm in love with this guy. Who is basically an alcoholic, and I was completely aware of that going into our friendship. He doesn't know that I like him, but I really do. I like that he can opens up to me about his problems & his problems with drinking. And I listen and I glad he can talk me about that. I feel a connection to him that I can't explain, and that's the problem. That I always feel like this towards people my mom & friends would consider "bad or wrong".

I guess deep down I want to rescue him.

I feel stupid, sitting here right now worrying and thinking about him, when he's probably drunk right or trying to get with some girl and not thinking about me at all..

I know it's not healthy for me & I'll probably end up getting hurt and stepped on.

This current guy is the guy that I really love, but I've had other crushes and small things and they were all "no good" guys.

I just want to know why I am this way. And why I would feel this connection with this type of guy, does it mean something is wrong with me. I just feel like I'll end up unhappy because of this habit. what's wrong with me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Many men would call this the natural fault-line for the female gender.

    Just like many men fall victim to a girl who will be happy to give them oral, etc.

    Overall it comes down to basic human emotion. But you have to think clearly and logically, and often times the logic tears away at your emotion but you have to think what's more important. I sometimes want to brutally beat people, but I don't because I know the consequences would be too great and those emotions will pass. You must judge men the same. That feeling of love will pass if you let it.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Tell us about your dad, and how he treated you and your mom.

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    • LOL! Not sure if that was a joke or not, but it was damn hilarious, that's for sure.

    • Show All
    • It has EVERYTHING to do with it. You are repeating the behavior that you learned from your mother. Your dad was abusive and ultimately abandoned you, which means your mother chose poorly, and she's trained YOU to make the same poor choices. You are attracted to guys who are similar to your dad (broken/abusive/unavailable emotionally) and you subconsciously feel like if you could fix YOUR guy, it would somehow fix the hurt you carry from your dad's actions.

    • The problem is that doesn't work. You need to get some counselling/therapy to help you break this unhealthy cycle and "recalibrate" your "attraction meter" before you end up with a guy who is really abusive, because that's where you will eventually wind up if you don't deal with this now. You deserve FAR better than a broken guy that needs fixing.

  • you tell me... oh wait you already did in your 2nd paragraph

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  • You should understand that you can't fix people if they don't want to be fixed.

    You'll just end up getting hurt

    I'm sorry =(

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What Girls Said 3

  • It's probably because you need to feel needed, which usually comes down to a fear of abandonment. A fear of abandonment is very common in girls whose fathers left/abandoned them as children like yourself. So they seek out men who are a mess so that there's always an underlying need of the girlfriend to fix them. You need something to fix, he needs fixing. This type of relationship is called codependent and it's very unhealthy. You can read more about it here: link

    Relationships should never be based on need, they should be based on want. When one or both people in the relationship feel like they're needed, they're more likely to stay with someone they may not necessarily like, or even worse yet, in an abusive relationship. And it is quite common for the giver (which would be you) in the relationship to be abused or at least taken advantage of.

    I hope that helps.

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    • I hate to admit that that sounds like me

  • you have to change your taste, are you going to school, read books, do something nice for an elderly? do you take pride in your future? can you turn around your appriciation in the way guys pay attention to their lives and how one cares about a woman. Because the way they are, they don't care about anyone, they just want your time, every loser loves company! good luck.

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  • You have to channel your focus on something that'll get you somewhere. Right now, I know it's hard, cause want to be there for him, a tortured soul, lost, confused, and in need of someone to hear him out, but eventually, when you've helped him, he'll start to look elsewhere. He sees you're vulnerable and that's what he like - that you want to help and you like to listen to him. But realize that he'll see other women just like you that are vulnerable and he'll go to them. You'll feel sad/hurt because you're attracted to him, but he may just have to much in his head. He may leave you and you'll realize he wasn't for you.

    You could be there for him, and listen to his problems, be his friend, and talk to him, but don't get emotionally attached. Even if it's hard at first. You'll be glad in the end.Think of your future. Can you really see yourself with him if he still has this problem? Do you see a future with him? Concentrate on a guy who is like you and has more in common with you. I just recently experienced a similar situation - so I understand how you feel. It's our nurturing side, but I learned when that guy left me for another girl, even after I said I'd always be there for him whenever he needed me. He had emotional problems he needed to fix with his family, and he was just confused and irritated, he'd tell me his problems and I eventually started liking him. My mind would say just be his friend, but deep in my heart I was feeling different. They just didn't agree and my heart won - I eventually started getting attached and had romantic feelings for him. Turns out he left me for another girl, and now I regretted believing him because my heart was broken. I learned that the heart will sometimes take over the mind. But be strong - I know you can.

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