From 1st lunch date, how can you tell a difference between when a guy is interested in dating or just a hookup?

i had a lunch date today with a person that I have known for a while. over lunch date, I asked him some questions, as I don't like throwing darts in the dark...he broke up with his girl a few months ago, so I asked him whether he was currently dating anyone else? he said just me :), but when I asked him what he was looking for--dating, quick hookup? well he didn't reply, and instead had a huge smile on his face...anyway he was a real gentleman throughout the whole lunch thing, opening doors, paying for the meal, etc...he took me to a local park afterward, where we made out intensely..a lot and aftter that he got out of the car and walked me to my apartment & invited himself in to say a "proper bye"..which meant another hour of intense making out (tongue involved, pushing me against the wall, etc), but no touching of inappropriate places, as I told him I wasn't ready...he respected that and even said that sex on the first date was not his style...

BUT during the whole thing, I complimented him a few times...you know, he looked nice or that he was cute...but he never complimented me back, not even in return...while we were getting close, he just focused on making out, my lips...there was no sensual touching, like stroking my hair etc..the only exception was that we held hands briefly while we were at the park...

also, we work in the same place, so he said public display of affection was not his style...that he preferred to keep his private & professional life separate...as if he didn't want people to know about us? is that normal if someone wants to date you? or is it that people keep it that way when its a sexual hookup only?

Finally when he left, he said "ill call you sometime" so will he? how can I find out if he is interested in dating me? or just sex?

Updates:
do you guys think he is a shy guy? player? smooth talker? I am so confused because there was all this making out going on, while repeating several times that he wasn't into having sex on the first date? was that just a line to throw me off and get me more interested?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i actually can't tell at this point. in my opinion he seems like he wants to have sex with you. making ut that much is fast for a first date. but I wouldn't totally write it off yet. give him another chance but keep your eyes wide open.

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    • can you please elaborate on "keep your eyes wide open"? how can I do this? or what should I do? if what you are saying is true, then why would he say that he doesn't usually want to have sex on the first date...he said this more than once

    • Show All
    • Thanks and I actually did ask him this yesterday...well, he said that those werent his intentions or his ONLY intentions...but I guess, maybe I don't believe him completely...i don't know...

    • go with your gut. usually when we have some doubt that the guy is genuine about wanting more than a hookup, we are right in the end.

What Guys Said 2

  • depends on the guy.

    there's a lot of different tactics guys use to get into a girl's pants.

    some will date you for months just to f*** you.

    others will walk away if you're not interested right away(at least they're not lying to you tho).

    one big hint you can catch is if he does or says disrespectful things.

    not like a straight up a**hole, but like, little subtle things he might do or say.

    that would generally mean he doesn't really like you or is interested in you liking him back.

    cause if a guy likes you, he WILL be respectful, he will treat you right. especially on the first date!

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    • what things do you consider "disrespectful"? or "subtle things"? can you please give me an example? so I know what to look for? thanks...

    • say like, not getting your chair at all. making fun of you too harshly.

      calling you a dumb girl and stuff like that.

  • If he really wanted to keep those 2 lives separate he wouldn't be dating a co-worker. Been there, and believe me, it can end very badly. It's actually a smart move for him to resist groping you in public. But that smile as a reply would be a pretty good indicator of wanting a sexual hookup.

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    • i am his co-worker in the sense that we work in the same department, but NOT in the same office..so we see each other often, but not necessarily everyday (well, except lately...he found excuses to do so).

      so do you think your logic would still apply?

    • Very much so. You never know who might end up working with you or if you might run into other coworkers. That's what screwed things over for me. one angry lonely accountant lady in the same department as the one I was messing with reported me to spite her coworker. I took full responsibility so she could continue working there.

What Girls Said 3

  • well if he just wanted a hook up he wouldn't really want to spend the whole day with you at lunch and such, he was asking you questions and I'm guessing he sounded genuinely interested. to me he sounds like a nice guy and it could be the start of something quite special :)

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  • try to tone down the intense making out and get to actually know him better without being sexual (intense making out is sexual) and see if his attitude and phone calls/texts drop after toning it down a little... if they do or he has a problem with it; its most likely its all he wanted but a real man who wants to date you will be OK with toning it down just a bit (since it is the beginning) and getting to know you better and not just your lips lol

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  • well in my experience, if he actually wants to spend time with you he's interested.

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