If a guy you like calls you all the time...

But then he finally realize that's he's putting all the effort, he's the one that initiates text messages and phone calls and finally realizes to back off because he doesn't feel like he's being met halfway, what exactly would you do?

I'm tired of doing what was mentioned above, it feels that if I don't initiate anything that she won't text or call. I want to back away and let her realize on her own what's going on.

Is that a good idea?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you really like her, what's the problem of contacting her? Does she respond to your calls or messages? How does she react when she's around you? Is she interested? Does she care about you at least a bit? Contact her but not everyday, let say about 3 times a week or less to see how she respond. If she feels bothered, time to move on. Based on my experience, the guys who chased me never complain about contacting me first. Well, I always respond positively so I don't know about this girl. If she acts cold, then you can just forget about her. However, make sure you tell her how you feel first(about liking her and tired because your effort is not reciprocated, you wonder whether she likes you or not kinda thing). Say it nicely but make sure she knows it!

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    • It's a little hard to explain on here, If you had an account I would message you with all the details :)

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    • Well send me a message, your name is anonymous so I can't send you a message! :(

    • Change it in your profile lol

What Girls Said 15

  • If a guy who does that does stop contacting me for at least a couple days and I'm the least bit interested in him then I would be the one to initiate contact. But if I'm not interested in him at all, unless I haven't had social contact in a while [which sometimes does happen to me nowadays], I most likely will not initiate contact.

    Though it's usually the other way around for me - where if I'm the least bit interested in a guy then I usually would initiate contact, but now I'm tired of doing that and usually just wait to see if the guy will initiate contact with me at all [which usually didn't happen, so I'm just forgetting about those guys.]

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  • It makes sense, If a guy does this and I'm not interested, I usually respond only to what's asked and nothing more and do not proceed to ask anything because I'm not that interested. I just don't want to be flat out rude. If they don't get it I tell them. I'm just not looking to hang out with you.

    But if you are initiating and they respond back immediately and generally ask you about yourself or your day or doing something then I would say even if they don't initiate the the msgs or phone calls then they are interested but maybe hesitant?

    maybe?

    Is it different for a guy? I mean in your opinion if a guy is shy and on rare occasions msged you but you never initiated anything but later on you become the one who initiates conversation and they from there talk to you and even invite you to hang out would that say that makes one interested even though they didn't initiate the msg or call?

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  • I was the girl in this situation and the reason I did not meet him 1/2 way is becsause I was not feeling the relationship. Sorry. I would say move on.

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  • It sounds good in theory. But a lot of girls have the "never call a guy" rule in their heads even if it means returning a phone call. My guy will casually say that he appreciates being called too, or that he hasn't gotten a text from me in a while. It might be a subtle hint that she needs to put in at least a little effort.

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  • That has happened to me. He was always calling me everyday, all day. I am the type that really doesn't like talking on the phone that much. Also, why call when I know that you will call me at this time.

    You should back off and let her come to you. By not calling she will go " he didn't call me today?" and that will get her thinking, and most likely will call you!

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  • A relationship is 50/50...ease back a little bit and she'll realise that she misses all the attention. Yes! VERY VERY GOOD IDEA. She'll start giving you attention to receive some, she'll wonder if she's losing you. So back off on all the attention, and then let her give you some so that you can start giving her attention again.

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    • Not good advice. What IF she thinks that " HEY! he stopped texting and calling me so he doesn't like me anymore, so why should I text him or call him?"

      So you see there's another side to the story too :D

  • yes, some girls will get annoyed if you are constantly calling or texting them, so turn down the knob on that a little bit. she may question what is going on, and when she's does, you can be straight up and tell her that you feel that you are constantly/texting calling her more than you should. Her natural response would be how she feels about that, and she may tell you that she misses it, or that she likes what you are doing now. So this is a good idea.

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  • uh yeah. talk casually. but really, I wish every guy thought like you! that way this guy would get the point that I don't like him and stop bugging me!

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  • maybe you want her to keep in contact way too often some girls like their space or maybe she's just not that into you.

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  • what if I wait for him to call or text me, but I wait and he doesn't contact me until a few days, or he just stops calling me and we are going out what does that say about the guy?

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  • im in the same situation but the guys texts back like 50% of the time. I feel like a bug a boo, but he seems to like me I'm not sure if I'm being annoying or what. if she isn't writing back at all I would guess she isn't interested..

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  • Smart ease back, she will soon be wondering what's going on. But don't stop totally texting her. Or you can start saying things like text me when you wake up or when you get off work. This way the balls in her court.

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  • The same thing happened with my guy and me. I felt like I always had to put all the effort in while he just sat back and relaxed.

    So finally I did what you are proposing (backing off a bit) and it worked!

    He knew something was wrong because I wasn't calling him like I used to and he came over to talk about it.

    I turns out he didn't even realize how I felt, he had just taken it for granted.

    He now puts in just as much effort as I do and everything is great

    so I would say go for it :)

    Im sure it hasn't even occurred to her, and if you guys talk about it it will all work out.

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  • This exact situation is happening to one of my close girl friends, and the guys name is freddy too! haha...weird. So what happened is that she really liked this guy, they hung out on a few occasions ( he asked her to hang out), he did about 90% of the calling and texting, and it really just seemed like he was putting in all the effort. Now the reason my friend didn't call or text or put any initiative or effort into all that, is not because she didn't like him, but in fact the contrary. She's kinda insecure, she didn't want to make it seem like she was desperate. So she preferred to let him put in the effort so that she could know that he was into her. Well eventually he got mad at her and told her that it seems like she doesn't even care. And unfortunately he stopped putting in so much effort and he's never been quite the same to her. So my advice is talk to her, tell her that she should call you sometimes and that you're tired of being the only one putting in work to make the relationship happen. If she likes you she'll understand and get the message and do something about it. My friend did do something about it, but he just seems so distant and cold compared to the way he was to her before. So if she changes her ways, you should also meet her halfway. That's just my advice :)

    PS: could you answer this for me? Why do you think my friends crush is acting so distant even after she apologized and started putting in an effort? Could it be that he didn't believe she was interested so he forced himself to move on? Or maybe he is interested but still mad? Since your situation seeems to be so similar...what would be going through your head if this happened and you reacted like that? THANKS :)

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  • it's just really annoying. but generally I like a guy to call me and text me, yeah so idk. moderation is key

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What Guys Said 3

  • Back off and if she does like you, she'll initiate a call or txt. If she doesn't then dust off your knees and get back out there. If the girl isn't diggin what you have to offer, she isn't worth it.

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  • "If a guy you like calls you all the time..."

    I can't think of a faster way to turn a girl off.

    Backing away is definitely the best possible move here.

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  • I feel you man. A girl did the same thing to me several months ago. I thought that maybe there was a relationship potential between us; after all, she started it. However, I had to move away, and then the problems began. I felt that I was always trying to talk to her, "got the message," and then one day: I stopped.

    However, the story gets interesting: after about a month of no contact, this girl started sending me application/group invites on Facebook. I do not respond. A month later, she tries again. I do not respond. Then finally, after another month, she *initiates a chat* with me on Facebook. By then, I had moved on, so I gave emotionless answers, literally the cold shoulder. Afterwards, I deleted her as a friend, and haven't looked back.

    Best to say, that "your girl" probably isn't as interested as you think.

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    • True, I wasn't feeling well last night, I had a million thoughts crossing my mind and I needed someone to talk to, I told her via text message how I was feelings.

      If it was her telling me that I would have called her right away and I would have been there for her, but she replied back in text messages telling me to calm down, and that it wasnt a big deal, and that she was sorry, I kept texting her and she got frustrated because she said she was getting a million text messages from other

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    • Nice! See I told you. Congrats hun.

    • Good to see all worked for you; you were really vague in your original question, so it wasn't as similar as my situation. At least my situation though it ended bad, I am now dating a girl that is absolutely wonderful, so a good thing came out of a bad.

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