Together, then long distance, then break up!

I going to try and be as quick as possible.

I dated this girl for 3 years, 2 of which were long distance. I met her when I was 22 and and she was 20. We met in the US and dated for a year before I had to relocate for my work (12h flight). Our long distance relationship was fine until she started becoming impatient and wanted me to be there to give her the constant attention she wanted ( I tried my best while away). This led to us breaking up several times and making up again.

A year ago she graduated and we had taken a trip where I found out about an incident (someone had tried to kiss her and she says that nothing happened, and she never told me because she enjoyed that persons company and didn't want me to worry about nothing) this led to a huge fight and I couldn't trust her anymore. After our trip she went back home and we broke up a week later.

since then we have had periods where we speak again and then it stops. she would call to tell me she met someone and it would drive me mad where I would start up talking to her regularly and she would break up with him in hopes that it would work between us but we could never agree ( I have to mention that we come from different background, religion, cultural, families) and it would be very to do so at distance. I tried dating but wasn't ready so just keep it to flirting right now. Recently she told me she met someone else and has been dating him now maybe 2 months or so. Now this is weird it get confusing. She told me that I love you and if I had to chose someone to be with it would be you, but you aren't doing anything for us to be together and you aren't trying to find a solution or a plan for us to be together so I cannot stay like this and wait for you. I have to live my life and if you decide you want to make this work than you tell me what the plan is. She even told me that told this guy that she is having a good time with him, but that she loves someone else to which he said OK I understand I've been there, if you will be with him I will not get in the way. I think he prob feels not threatened since I am far away but I didn't think that reaction was normal.

Im really confused now because I know we both still love each other, but there were to many problems and to many items to resolve before we could do anything and I don't know if it will work, plus she is not doing anything to help the situation and wants me to do all the thinking, her reasoning is I've done enough and you didn't do anything, so now I'm living my life and if you figure it you let me know. Plus she wants to put pressure because she wasn't to get engaged now ...

Any advice from lived experiences ?

thanks

Updates:
anyone else thought ?

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What Girls Said 1

  • To start out, I don't have any experiences with this much of a long distance. And this guy is making me suspicious too, that is not a normal reaction at all, he doesn't really like her. Another thing, if she thinks you didn't put forth the effort to get this relationship working, show her this post. You obviously care about her to the point where you have exhausted all other resources and if you both love each other, you can get over your differences and distance apart. You HAVE to trust her, maybe she just feels overwhelmed with the whole idea and thinks she is the one being faithful and patient while your siting wherever you are partying (I know when my boyfriend was away I thought he was having the time of his life and it drove me crazy because I thought he would find another girl to go along with) just make sure she knows that she is your one and only, and that no other girl will ever live up to her. Show her your vulnerabilities! Tell her how lost you are without her! and hey, if you remember the first time you guys met, maybe the next time your in town replay where your feelings first started, maybe that restaurant you took her out to first. it could work.

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    • the thing is now we are in separate cities (10h flight lol) and although I love her, I'm not sure that my family will accept her. I also don't like how she is with someone yet she still loves me and maybe wishes I do something. A common friend was telling me that she would be single if I was ready, but then what. there are so many things that have to be discussed like religion, families but she has her conditions. For instance she wants me to convert and is not willing to compromise

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    • yeah these ideas will be good for a few months but after that it will not solve anything lol

      Yeah she is just there saying I wish he came I wish he was here ...

    • How about the idea of calling her tomorrow and setting aside a few hours to talk things over? Make her listen to you, don't fight. Keep level headed. Listen to her points. Talk things through. Tell her everything you have brought up right now. There is no reason not to so don't make up excuses in your head. Tell her she is being controlling and unfair.

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