I am 19, in my first year of college, and have been living on my own and supporting myself for the past three years. I've had two other committed and serious relationships. At this point in my life I know what I want to do as far as academics are concerned, and I know that I would like to marry my boyfriend and have children with him.
My boyfriend is 20 and still lives with his parents, which didn't bother me when we first met (they are supporting him through school) although throughout the course of our relationship it has become more of a problem. Although his mother is an absolute witch to him (he hates her) he still wants to maintain a good relationship with his father and younger sister, which is why he tries to avoid confrontation with his parents (ie mother and pawn father).
We have been dating for a little over a year and half, and have already talked about getting married, having kids...the whole nine yards. He's said that he doesn't feel comfortable with moving out until he has his BA. His reasoning is that if he moved out at the end of this semester (he will be receiving two AAs and transferring to another school for his BA) he won't be able to financially support us and wouldn't want the burden to fall on me. At the moment I make much more than he does, but the trade-off is that I'm not able to take as many classes as he is. What we've decided is that, until he has his BA, his focus is school and mine, work. After he gets his BA and transfers to grad school for his MA and PHD, I will be able to concentrate a little more on school because we (assume) that he will have a better paying job. Right now he works as a sushi chef (he makes ~12-13/hr).
So...the plan is that he will stay with his parents for the next 2 years and then we will get engaged and move in together. 2 years after that, when he has his MA and I have my BA we will get married...sounds like the perfect plan right?
Well, it was...until his mother came into the picture.
His mother throws a temper tantrum like clockwork. Since we have been dating she's thrown a fit about the time we spend together every few months. She's upset because he's "not studying enough" or "isn't around the house anymore" etc. Its gone from us being able to spend 4 nights a week together at my place, to only 2 nights a week, then to only Sundays...and finally, he's no longer allowed to spend the night at my place. She has also said that she doesn't want us dating anymore and has convinced his father that I'm smuggling drugs (because I make more money than my bf...WTF?!)
Its been so stressful having to deal with her freaking out and then having to deal with not seeing my bf. I feel like, with her personality, its only going to get worse if we get engaged and then marry. My question is, have any of you experienced something like this, and, was it worth it in the end? I'm hoping he decides to just move out at the end of semester...I don't think I can put up with this situation for 2 more years.
but then he says he's scared of committing to something that might happen 2 years from now...I feel so confused!
Most Helpful Girl
ahahah you're a drug smuggler?! wow. what a childish mother. she obviously is afraid to let her little boy go. that's normal, but the drama and lies? freak...?! I'm sorry you're dealing with this. but think about it, do you want to marry him even with his family like that? think really hard about this lovekins.. I know right now you think oh I can forget about his family or we will all learn to get along, blah blah blah, chances are you wont. you want to marry into a family where you all have a good trusting relationship. if his mother is like this now, chances are it will be a while before she chills out.
in the mean time, don't worry about marriage just yet, you're only 19, I got married at 20, I don't think its too YOUNG BUT, do you know who you are already and what you want? you're aware that his debts become your debts right? I'm sure you do, you sound very intelligant. just chill out on the wedding for right now, finish college, see if you can all work this out.
if anything have a sit down talk with his mother if there is no talking to her, then talk with him and maybe HE can have a sit down talk with her or convince her to sit with you guys and work things out.
if his grades are really getting all screwed up, then at least compromise or with the time you 2 are together, study and do homework or something.
mothers are tough women and ever tougher to get along with if she feels you are a threat to her childs future.
im sorry you're going through this and I wish you the best.
i hope I helped...