Why is it like this? double standard perhaps?

So most girls don't do any chasing of the guy, they don't ask out sometimes they don't even flirt or show signs of interest.

This is traditional, alright I understand.

But a guy is the one that has to do the asking, and if he does it through Facebook or something like that it's seen as less masculine or cowardly? why is that? It's just fascinating to me


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree, I wonder if girls who actually find this "odd or awkward" have ever even approached or asked out a guy themselves.

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    • I've asked guys out and yeah, I find flirting through Facebook impersonal and not the best means.

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    • obviously. but I think even through text or phone can be less impersonal, so those are also options to consider.

    • Eh, I wouldn't really care if it was less personal. As long as she got the point and wasn't put off by it. I guess it's just a matter of opinion just like everything else.

What Girls Said 14

  • As someone who has been on the asking end, I do think flirting through FB is impersonal. It tends to be ineffective, temporary, and not good for first impressions. I would know, I asked my boyfriend out for coffee via FB and he told everyone he was pretty sure I just wanted to be friends :p he wasn't sure if I was asking him on a date or just wanting to get to know him.

    So ultimately, whether its masculine or not is a petty argument, anything can be seen as masculine or feminine, or cowardly or smart-- the issue is that its not really very effective :p it took a lot of effort to show him I actually wanted more than friendship after that

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    • I think that's just your boyfriend he may be a special case

      How does asking someone in person to have coffee or asking them online have any difference other than the physical difference? the end goal of both is to go to coffee and most people are smart enough to put 2 and 2 together

  • Facebook isn't the real world, it is just an online social netweork and it is seen as cowardly because you can't pluck up the courage to ask us out directly in person, I know it may seem easier but it's just not the way to go because when guys ask us out online they are stuck to chatting to us online instead of actually properly being with us and it also makes them look at other girls online while they still have a profile and it leaves a lot of room for cheating. I'm not the jealous type but I have dated a few guys offline and I've only ever had 3 days with one guy, the others only latested one date because they were too busy comparing me towards less real and fake girls with total fake tan which is just ridiculus because they don't even know these girls, I feel like online dating is a waste of time because guys always just waste my time by picking me then comparing me to just pictures and moving onto someone else and they will keep doing that. It's not that they are players, it;s just online generally isn;t the way to ask someone out and I don't think anyone enjoys being compared to other people like that when non of us are the same even if most try to be. Reason why us girls want you to chase us is because if we chase you, you call us desperate and don't even bother noticing us in the first place, guys complain we should do some of the chasing but from experience if I even so much as try to put effort in on my side of the court the guys just suddenly turn cold on me because I actually showed interest so us girls have no choice but to make you chase us, it's not double standards, it's just the way the male mind works, guys like too much of a chalange so we give them the chalange.

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  • i know a lot of girls who do the chasing today lol. Asking online can seem kind of impersonal. If you ask a girl face to face then it comes across as a lot more genuine. Anyone can ask through Facebook, but it shows guts to ask in person. It also dhows that you really want a chance. Don't guys like it when a girl asks them in person versus through Facebook?

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    • I don't think any guys give a sh*t to be honest lmao

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    • Well then that's a bit hypocritical isn't it or is that just my personal opinion? You can't have your cake and eat it too, unless you're a girl. I guess.

    • what's hypocritical about it? Because I think it's more personal do it in person? It is more personal for a guy or a girl to do it in person. Who cares what you do? I just stated my opinion that doing things in person is more genuine than doing it online. That goes for guy or girl, friend or for someone you're interested in. No one said it makes it less manly to do it online or that guys have to do the approaching. People who are outgoing end up doing the approaching male or female.

  • I see the Facebook thing as an easier means of communication, but to me, it takes real guts to walk up to me and ask me out face to face, especially with the risk of rejection. I want a relationship to exist offline, personally, etc, and if you cannot even ask me on a date in person, then how does that transfer into a relationship?

    I dated a guy who changed our relationship status on Facebook before he ever asked me to become official. Guess what, he also beat around the bush and disappeared for a week before breaking up with me.

    Another broke up with me over the phone, and another via MySpace when it was popular.

    My point is, the reliance on social networking to start a relationship is risky because there CAN be too much reliance on it. There is something to be said about a relationship that starts off on a personal level.

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  • I don't think its 'less masculine', but I do think its tacky. I think if you're going to ask a girl out you should do it in person or over the phone if in person is not an option. I think people ask via Facebook because they're too scared to do it in person, and I think having to actually voice the words makes it that much more personal and better.

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  • Guys usually are the ones that are suppose to do the asking because a lot of guys out there get scared by girls that come on to them too easily. Human nature. They like the chase and that's not there when the girl is the one asking. Some "good" guys can handle when a girl ask him out or gives him attention but until we have more guys like that girls are gonna continue to be gaurded with asking/flirting. For the Facebook/internet thing, most creeps that go on there to get as many girls as they can or that are only after one thing ask girls out over Facebook. So even if you do really like this girl, she might associate you with the creeper Facebook stalkers if you ask her out online. it's better to just do it face to face or over the phone/text depending on the girl.

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  • Well I always flirt. lol

    Idk if a guy ask through Facebook or something it just seems like he doesn't have as much courage as when he does it in person. Although after talking to my guy friend I kinda understand it better. He said it's good to do because it makes rejection easier. Then again I have another guy friend(who is a little younger than the other) who thinks that it is cowardly to ask a girl out through Facebook. So idk. I prefere a guy ask me out in person, but if I really like the guy and have been friends with him for a while(like a year or so) then I would still say yes. :)

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  • I wouldn't find it less masculine or a coward thing to do..

    I would be more than happy to see your move and effort

    even through fb... :)I would wait to know you better and

    then speek about your personality...

    the truth is that I would make a move if

    I could see interest from the other side...!

    but that's just me...

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  • Because girls rather have someone ask them face to face, instead of FB or text or whatever. I prefer to be asked face to face, but I totally understand why guys hesitate to do so :)

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  • I do some of the chasing but I have been told to hold off and let him chase me, because men like the chase? So I have no idea...

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    • most men don't like the chase

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    • you can think of yourself as a dog if you want but I'm not one

    • Actually most men actively do not like the chase IIRC (some psychology study I read somewhere from some university that I don't care to look up right now, but I might later).

      I'm indifferent to the chase, it's just a means that men have to go through if they want to land anything.

  • If you genuinely like a girl, you should want to ask her upfront face to face. I honestly don't see how you can even be in a relationship with someone if you're going to be afraid to say certain things to your soon to be "girlfriend".

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    • certain "stipulations" make it too awkward, I would have no problem saying it face to face

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    • yeah that's not gonna work thanks anyway

  • you guys don't care or won't take the responses you get please go right ahead and only ever ask online just don't bitch about it if you get friend zoned.

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    • ok mrs.anonymous

    • don't worry it's OK because I wouldn't want to be with someone who judges someone for asking them out on fb. If you like someone should it really matter at all unless they do it in a rude/scummy way?

  • Not less masculine but yes I would see it as kinda lame. Girls love confidence.

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    • how is it less confident though? its more convenient

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    • I never have one on one time with her, that's why..

    • make time

  • I guess it can show (depending on the situation) how willing a guy is, what he'll 'risk' for a girl. But yeah, like I said, in your question earlier, in that context it's alright to ask and tell her through fb.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Because it is not direct and women want everything perfect when it comes to dating, you messed up and you are either desperate, weirdo or a creep. You have heard that before.

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  • Double standards, man. The male has to prove his worth by doing stuff, being proactive. The female just makes herself look pretty, sits back and judges. (This is a form of female objectification but many of women don't seem to care about getting rid of this one.)

    50 Years of social engineering through feminism isn't going to change 100,000+ years of evolutionary psychology, I guess.

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    • but many women* typo.

    • That's not always the case. Many men are taking women's roles and waiting for women. Since they now feel that women should take it upon themselves. I say neither one is going to get anywhere if they both don't start somewhere.

    • There are exceptions to the rule, sure. I think it's good some guys are waiting for women, and some women are pursuing men. Gender roles are pretty silly IMO.

  • The whole point of asking being a more masculine thing to do, means that you're being braver, riskier. And asking a girl out over Facebook, is removing yourself from the situation. Your facial expressions are not visible. Rejection over Facebook is easier to handle than in person, because they can only see what you want them to see.

    By reducing the risk, you're reducing the amount of bravery required, and thus it's a less masculine option.

    If you genuinely think they are equivalent, then why choose Facebook over face-to-face?

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  • It's because it is not direct. I suppose most women want it to be more straight forward and direct without the games or questions in between, moreso because their passive roles dictate that they must do that or fall out of cultural boundaries. On top of that, it's impersonal and doesn't speak wonders for your own confidence if you have to hide behind a text or online message to ask someone.

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    • so either ask in person or don't ask at all

    • In my opinion, yes. Otherwise they get confused or turned off. I've tried it before and it just doesn't work that way.

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