"There is no hope for a relationship but I have strong feelings for you"?

I am asking this question for a friend of mine because I am concerned.

There is a guy whom she has been seeing and going out with for a month or so now. He has shown a lot of attention, has texted daily and even called her multiple times a day till this day.

Finally he's said that he has strong feelings for her and likes her a lot but there is no hope for a relationship. He literally said "What we share could not have an end".

When she asked why he is still texting and calling too much, he said that he wants to keep on doing so because he has strong feelings for her. What gives?

Of course she is devastated because he's shown a lot of attention and care but said it won't ever work. AND is still calling and texting daily.

My first question is: What does he want from her?

My second question: What is she supposed to do?

P.S. They can't be together ( as he said) because of religion and age difference as well as the fact that he does not want to commit.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • What does he want from her? He wants his cake and to eat it too. In my book, he suffers from classic douche syndrome. Think about how unfair this man is being to her. I believe when you truly love someone, you think about their best interest. In this case, his thinking should be "since we can't be together, I have to let you go". Instead, he tells her, you can't have me, but I want you to be with me. Selfish much?

    Your poor friend must be confused and at her wits end with this situation. How can she move on when this guy who claims to love her says there's no chance for a future, but constantly tortures her with these texts and phone calls?

    Ultimately, she has to take the reigns over what is happening here. She is allowing him to keep her in limbo. If she's hoping that someday he'll suddenly have a change of heart and give into love, then she's setting herself up for some serious heartache. Since he's not letting go, she has to be the one to let go. She's allowing him to do this crap. She has to tell him to stop calling and texting. If he does not, she has to block him, in every which way. He needs to understand that she has a life, and has a right to find someone who wants to give himself wholly, and that he is standing in the way of that.

    It will be hard for her to do it at first. But what is happening here, is a lack of self worth. She needs to build herself up high enough to realize that this guy isn't worth the heart ache or the time. It's time she starts to love herself. As her friend, be there to support her, but you also need to be the one to tell her the hard truth.



    This guy is a problem.

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What Guys Said 12

  • It comes to pass that as our race travels through the stars, that once by chance one of us becomes too close to those whom we observe. We are inter dimensional beings, and as such cannot have relations with corporeal souls tied to this plane of existence.

    It is written. We are the observers. You may have seen us on Fringe.

    Hahahaha. I try to answer one question per day as oddly as possible, and you're today's winner.

    This guy is just too conflicted. Either he's got one too many families too close to his intended victim, or he's you're run of the mill quack pot. I mean, c'mon: "What we share could not have an end?" That could mean a lot of ominous things, or that this is the best some dimwit could come up with to say "I'll love you forever."

    I bet it means, "I'm going to put you in my deep-freeze. You no longer have an expiration date. I'll put you in one of those frost-proof freezer bags."

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  • I agree with AnaxGrypos, but there's got to be more to it.

    Is the age/religious difference significant? That plays a powerful role in who a guy goes out with and even marries in many cases. It's a serious thing. I've had plenty of female friends who thought they'd met "the guy of their dreams" and the guy was clearly using her, but she just wouldn't listen to a word I had to say. There's only so much a friend can do, and you risk damaging your friendship trying to interject in her love life.

    Just remember, as us guys like to say, "bros b4 hoes" but I guess it translates to "BFFAEAE has more letters than BF" for girls, "chick b4 d***s?" idk. Hope this helps!

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  • I'm gonna keep this simple. The boy has no clue what he wants. He's confusing himself.

    Or it could be a lot of douchey BS. Something seems off if he said all that yet he's still talking to her. Religion and age difference shouldn't matter for the most part if he truly cares about them being together.

    You said "He does not want to commit"...There's your answer. Tell your friend to cut him off and find a MAN that can make up him mind.

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  • "nice meeting you" and block the number. end of story.

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  • tell him to f*** off and leave her alone...because if she was really worth it to him then she's worth the risk of having a "ending". Real men forge ahead willing to risk everything for that person, sounds to me like Romeo just wants her to to fall for him with no intention of catching her...

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    • Thank you for your answer. What does he really want? I can't understand.

    • he sounds like a weirdo, calling everyday shows every sign of "wanting" but don't want. maybes he's trying to draw her into a cult or something ether way it's bad news for her if she allows this guy to keep texting her every single day. it's gonna make her angry or lovey dovey towards him and make her emotionally unavailable for a guy who is ready for a real shot at her.

  • What does he want from her?

    Probably he want to feel love and care from the girl. Maybe he feels that his emotional needs are satisfied when he is with the girl. In another words he wants the benefits of being in a relationship without committing, and he knows that it is not correct (hence he tells her that What we share could not have an end).

    What is she supposed to do?

    Cut off the ties. I know it is not easy, but unless there is another way for her to cut off her feelings for the guy while they talk and sms everyday, cutting off the ties is the solution.

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  • Sounds like he wants the benifits the feeling of a relationship without being in one

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  • 1. He wants to be a nuisance.

    2. She should stop responding to him.

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  • Q. What does he want from her?

    A. He could really be into her, he could be teasing her or he could want "something more". However, the only way to know is to ask him directly.

    Q. What is she supposed to do?

    A. She could talk to him about what he wants and mutually discus it. She could cut all ties with him and break up, if it annoys her (using SMS filters and Call filter apps), or she could let it carry on just in case he really starts wanting to have a serious relationship.

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    • She asked him. He said that he wants to be close to her. That's all. He has strong feelings for her BUT there is no hope for this relationship. He calls, texts,...like a lover though. It's too much.

  • if he really cares about your friend he would have committed yet...he's all confused he is just trying to passing out his time...it is simple tell your friend to say good bye to him and block his no. or change her no. and find a better man...

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  • Truthfully he's using her as an emotional filler and probably trying to sleep with her and then move on. Is he just out of a relationship and looking for fun

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  • The reason they can't be together is because of religion and age difference. Nothing more to it (well, maybe commitment too, but the fact is that they can't be together, and that's what matters). That's why he won't be her girlfriend. He still contacts her because he can't control himself - he does have feelings for her, and can't help acting on them but can help it enough to stop himself from being her boyfriend. What she should do is just not reply to his texts or respond to his calls. Nothing good can come from this, so she should just move on.

    So, tl;dr:

    1) What he wants from her is someone to talk to because he still has feelings for her, but not someone to be in a relationship with, since it just can't happen (the reason doesn't really matter).

    2) What she's supposed to do is just cut off contact with him because this can't go well no matter what.

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What Girls Said 17

  • If you think your friend can afford wasting her time at the same time she invests energy and love in a guy that won't commit, then by all means let her stumble and fall in a deep dark hole. Always a good lesson.

    But let's not try to see too many options and let's not overanalyze this situation. Point is simple: he won't commit. Much like my own relationship: I know the guy I'm with is a lost cause and won't commit, but we hang out and have a good time until I find something real. I'm aware of it. But if your friend is thinking there is a chance... she's wasting her time. Tell her to quit playing this game, because she will be the only losing player. Don't reply to his messages, don't get his calls. She shoult tell him: "what's the point of you coming closer and closer to me everyday if we can't be together? It's bullsh*t".

    It's cruel to "reserve" someone, knowing that he won't be with you, but he doesn't want you to be with/focus on someone else. It's not cool to be someone's unspoken territory. Not cool.

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  • Tell your friend to cut a tie. Why does she want to date a guy who doesn't have a mind of his own. The excuses that he gave her are just a bunch of bs. If he really like her the age difference doesn't matter and religion can be over look. He is just looking for a casual relationship with out feeling guilty.

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  • he either doesn't want anything from her and is just feeling obligated to stay in touch so he doesn't feel like a jerk, or he doesn't want to be mean, or he's bored and needs a txting bud, or he just doesn't want to burn bridges, or maybe he really values her friendship. She should really ask him that just for her own piece of mind.

    Shes should leave him alone, stay friends if she can and wants to but if having contact with him is too painful or upsetting then she has to tell him that he needs to keep his distance so that she can have space to heal and time to get over him.

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  • He has feelings for her and isn't strong enough to seperate himself from her. he enjoys talking to her, being with her, etc and won't let go. she has to be the one to end it completely. stop responding back & block him out of her life. it sucks...but its no good to get wrapped up in strong feelings when its going to be a disastrous end.

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  • Yea as stated before he wants his cake and to eat it too. He likes the idea of keeping this girl around, but doesn't want to be serious with her. His whole oh we can't be together because of religion and age difference is bull sh*t. If that was the case then he wouldn't be contacting her and all that crap. He likes the emotional security that she provides him but doesn't want to reciprocate. Tell her to tell this dude to get lost if he can't commit and stop playing with her emotions. It isn't worth it and there is a better guy out there for her that will actually want her.

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  • A: He wants either a booty call or someone who will be there for him emotionally, or both. Either way, it is using her if she doesn't get something in return in this relationship (unless she is looking for a fling).

    B: Break up with him, or her feelings are going to get her closer and closer until he leaves and she is devastated. He already stated he isn't looking for something long-term and if your friend is, then she is just wasting her time. I would only say continue this relationship if she doesn't get too involved or truly wants a fling.

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  • All he probably wants from her is just attention, he's probably insecure about himself. But I agree with BadGrim, he probably gets off on girls falling for him and not giving them what they want.

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  • I'm not sure what he wants but he clearly said he doesn't want to be with her.

    Your friend should tell him to stop calling/texting her if there is no possibility of relationship beyond these acts.

    Then she should move on and in case change her phone number.

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  • HE sounds a bit wishy washy to me. If he's this confused now, he could wind up changing his mind later and decide that his reasons to be noncommittal were too weak. If she distances herself from him, then he may come on stronger due to the realization that she doesn't need him to carry on.

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  • Wow..I don't know what to say.../:

    Umm...well religion and age shouldn't matter in a relationship if the two REALLY love each other...

    about the whole thing with him, I have no clue what that means...has she asked him what that mean and why they can't be together even tho he has "strong feelings".?

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    • She asked him. He said that he wants to be close to her. That's all. He has strong feelings for her BUT there is no hope for this relationship. He calls, texts,...like a lover though. It's too much.

    • Well that makes absolutely NO sense...

    • yeah :/

  • Your friend needs to end all communication with him, she's just wasting time with someone who doesn't know what they want.

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  • just STOP ANY CONTACTINO.he is a player and just does all of these things for fun.

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  • He just wants to waste her time & send her mix messages.

    She should cut off all contact from him.

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  • okay while I do think there are good answers, I don't think people always understand the religious problem here. while there are tons of relationships between people from different religions, there are some people, probably in the minority in America, but they do exist, from homes that are so strictly religious that the parents would disown their children for marrying out of the religion, so while some say love conquers all, that is for some a reality but for others a fantasy.

    even if you love each other, if you know your parents would disown you or never accept your relationship, it makes you think twice. sorry, but it's the truth. so he may not be totally full of sh*t.

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    • I understand, but why text and call daily?

    • well sometimes you personally don't care as much when you like the person, but you are at odds. you know your family would be unhappy and it would cause problems, but you personally still like that other guy/girl and maybe are not AS caring about the religion thing so it's hard to let go of the person nonetheless.

  • He just wants sex and she needs to break up with him. It may hurt but it will hurt less in the longrun. I wish someone would have said this to me when I was in a similar situation

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  • this is a similar situation to me. except he never actually said there is no end or anything like that although we both know we have these issues.

    honestly it can be heartbreaking. I feel sad very often because I know it probably won't go anywhere. he also isn't my boyfriend but clearly likes me. and I like him a lot.

    i just keep letting myself know it will end eventually. I guess part of me should walk away but I just like him too much to walk away.

    but in this case she should tell him that she can't handle this situation and if he will not commit to her she will and should walk away! I know it is going to hurt...but the longer you stay with him like this the more it will hurt! take it from someone who is in that position!

    it is so easy to fall into, and so hard to get out of! sometimes I feel like I am stuck in a vacuum. as much as I like him I sometimes hope that one day he will end it so I don't have to, because it is too hard for me to do that.

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  • He wants to have sex with her, even though he is certain she is not what he wants for a long-term girlfriend.

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