Struggling between a girl that I loved once and boy that I love more than anything..

So first of all please excuse my lame English I'm from France so, yeah ^^ ..

I'm 17 years old and 2 years ago I met this girl who was very interested in me, I would have never thought I would be a lesbian but I ended up dating her since then, so we're still dating.. I really loved her for I while, I guess I was too devastated from breaking up with my ex-bf.. I was very young, I don't know if dating was right for me at that age but it happened so.. Me and this girl made promises to each other like getting married and adopting, but I don't love her anymore and I have cheated on her several times this year and she knew about it and forgave me every time, she loves me too much but I don't anymore and I can't tell her that, she says that she'll never love after me.. And there is an other thing, I met a guy 4 months ago and we are dating, she knew about him and I told her that I broke up with him and he doesn't know about her.. So I really really love this guy, I waited too long to be with him, I had a crush for him for years, now I'm with him and I know he loves me too, maybe more than I do.. He is the love of my life, and I'm tired of hiding and lying to her, I hate doing this to her, I feel really bad about this, she doesn't deserve what I'm doing to her.. Should I tell her every thing ? How do I make this girl understand me and let me go ? Knowing that I promised to love her all my life.. And should I tell my boyfriend about it ? especially that he is kind of homophobic.. Please give me some advice


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It appears it's time to host a dinner party for three.

    Perhaps a dinner outing if really private fr frank conversations.

    Be yourself, tell all, hide nothing, be openly affectionate with the one you have chosen.

    Offer love to all.

    Let them know you are young and have been searching, their love & at least their future friendship is important, you have no control over your emotions BUT have chosen.

    May I have your love as lover?

    May I have your love as friend?

    Even if the worse happens (they both kick you out), one/both will soon have you back and this nightmare will be over.

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What Guys Said 3

  • You're going to have to tell her something. Undoubtedly she knows something is going on already or at least has an inclination of something. I wouldn't tell her everything, only what she needs to hear. Try and be both firm in gentle. Make it clear. Know what you're going to say before you say it. She may not think so right now, but she'll love again. It's human nature.

    As for this guy... you've got to tell him. It's no good to build a relationship on deceit. If he's really the person for you, homophobic or not, he'll understand, or at the very least accept things.

    One last thing... never again make a promise that you don't have the power to keep.

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  • I am terrible at French and just about every other language. But I thought I would try.

    Vous avez créé une situation compliquée. Commencez avec la jeune fille et lui dire que un gars est venu dans votre vie et vous avez besoin pour obtenir votre esprit droit sur ??la relation avec lui et elle.

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  • You are 17? Wow, it usually takes longer to get this complex. Try and divide it. Deal with, how you feel and how your feelings have changed toward her. That you still like guys. That you understand her feelings, but can't return them. See how she reacts.

    With your boyfriend, you need to find out why he feels the way he does. Keep it abstract at first, see how he reacts on that level. Does he know anyone (besides you)? From there, you have to go with your feelings.

    No way to know how either will react. You have to move from that point to what you want. You have much to sort out, not just feelings for these two, but your sexuality in general.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Your girlfriend sounds a little dependent...no, very. It gets a bit ridiculous when someone can do no wrong, and you have wronged her. Still, she'd rather be with you, even unfaithfully, than to be without.

    You have tried to do the right thing, but she has been unwilling to let go, which essentially leaves you feeling trapped. That's no way to live. Just because someone you love doesn't have the capacity to cope doesn't mean you should hold your life captive on their account. It makes sense that you don't want to hurt her, you did love her once, but now you have to force the break up.

    Explain to her that you're no longer in love with her, that your heart now belongs to someone else. This would also mean that you have to cut off all communication. As long as she has access to you, she will never be able to let go. You have to cut off the source which is you. It will be hard, but if you really want to be free to love the guy you want to be with, you have to "make" her let you go. Its simple, just difficult.

    In the end, you would have done her a favor. She deserves a chance at finding someone who will lover her just the same, even if you have to push her away to do it. In life, sometimes we have to make these convoluted sacrifices.

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