Okay, so I've been on an online dating site for a while, and was contacted by a guy who lives an hour away. We talked earlier this week, and at the end of the conversation he said he actually joined because he saw my profile/very interested in me. I felt flattered. Just a quick background: I'm 41, single, and no kids-I'm pretty unique in that although I've dated a lot and been involved, I have never met "the one" and I won't settle for anyone just because it's "the norm" to be married with children.
We talked about meeting this weekend. I just spoke to him on the phone again, and after talking for a minute, suddenly he said he actually was thinking after we spoke the first time that he really wants kids someday(he's 42) and he probably should be looking for someone younger. He started asking about my plans for the rest of the day, but I cut him off and said "You know, I don't want to talk anymore...goodbye." And hung up.
I'm feeling really awful now. I'm open to having children if it's meant to be, whether I can actually conceive, or by adoption, or if it's not meant to be, that's okay too. And it's okay for someone to want to date someone younger if that's the mindset. But I don't think he should have even bothered contacting me in the first place if that was what he was thinking.
Thanks for "listening" to whoever reads this.
Most Helpful Girl
I always here chronically single women talk about "the one"... There are seven billion people on the planet! Why do we assume that there is "one" perfect guy out there for us? This kind of thinking needs to be burned and buried. It causes an unrealistic level of expectation that will be almost impossible to find... (that was a rant moment)
If the he wants kids, it's no reflection on you. When two people fall in love, some level of compromise has to happen for it to fully work, and you just don't know if he would be willing to forgo the idea of children if it means happiness with you. And yes, there are many options.
It sounds to me that you are what I call a Tigress...fierce, go-getter who doesn't need anyone to do anything for her. You don't subscribe to traditional ideas of relationships and you'd rather run solo, like a tigress, rather than find yourself stuck in a relationship that you deem anything less than perfect. This also makes you so independent that you have very little patience and room for what you consider indecision or p**** footing. He either rolls with the punches or gets left behind. (Let me know how close I am!)
I think yes, you should have given him a chance and I don't think it's too late to reach out and apologize if he's given the room to do so. And don't be afraid to explain exactly what your issue was. You're 41 and really don't have time to waste on dead-end situations. Be upfront about what you're open to and have him tell you exactly what he wants so that you can make a logical decision to a rather, emotional situation.
I would also suggest that you take the time to think about some the patterns of sabotage you end up repeating every time things get to a certain point in your relationships. It may reveal something you haven't been aware of, (a fear or commitment perhaps)?
Good luck, and wish you love and relationship success!0