Is it just me or is there actually a lack of respectful genuine guys ?

How can I meet a respectful genuine guy for a potential relationship?

Why does it feel like most guys I meet are either only looking for something casual or asking too much from a girl in terms of not even seeing her as an equal in terms of a human being?

And lastly is it just me or are most so called religious guys the worst of the lot? They pretend to want to be good for God when really they're just not nice people at all

thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The truth is - it's very hard to draw a line who is "good" and who is "bad" - very very few people fit exactly to those types while the vast majority are somewhere in between, more or less to one side.

    Guys don't seek relationships for the sake of relationships, we seek companionship, we like girls who are down-to-earth and with a good sense of humour, once that is found - the relationship itself will appear, but almost none of us have such set in mind - "I'm going to get into a relationship" - because relationship alone by itself is not a warranty that you'll enjoy being in it.

    Yes, it's a trend that many guys want only sex, but they're not that common as it seems. They're only those who swarm in bars and clubs, while the most of men are perfectly able to see women also as persons not just as pieces of meat. The problem is that such clubs and bars are designed for meeting someone of the opposite gender, so it creates an illusion that "there's no-one good around"

    If you live in the Middle East you can forget about finding a man who sees you as an equal human being, but if you don't then well.. I don't know what to say.

    Everyone have standards, and nobody is willing to date "below" of what they can get, if guys constantly, not just few random ones ask more from you than you can give, then maybe you're aiming too high or not trying good-enough from your side. Many girls expect the guy to do everything and "not to be shallow" - it's almost worldwide trend.. and also the reason why many girls are single.

    Religiosity, especially accompanied with hypocrisy (yes - I'm talking about your Jesus cult) is a widespread problem in the USA, people are not any better only because they believe in some kind of a deity, people can be good or bad regardless of their faith.. or lack of it. Although I personally haven't been dealing with religious people much.. or basically at all, in Northern Europe most of people are not religious and those few who are, they're "flexible" and cool about it, they're not hardcore freaks like in other places in the world when it comes to religion.

    The best way how can you find your match is through friends, attending events where are people from your "circle" instead of random ones, as it's more likely you'll find someone you like and can get along with - birds of a feather. While in completely random places you'll meet completely random people and the chances are you won't really like them, although even there you can succeed - just by having way more luck though.

    ...damn - this crap I wrote is way longer than I thought.. nevermind, I hope I managed to express my thoughts clearly enough.

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What Guys Said 17

  • The reason you feel that most guys are only looking for something casual or don't respect you is frankly because of the guys you are attracted to. Same goes for the religious question.

    Take my friend Bob for instance (Bob isn't Bob's real name, but indulge me). Bob is a virgin. Bob is religious. Bob is 22 years old and one of the nicest guys on the planet. Bob is really shy and almost never talks to women. When he does, it's very limited and small-talk. Bob happens to be one of the nicest guys on the planet, he cooks, he cleans, he was a boy scout, very outdoorsy, great with animals, awesome with kids, has tons of life skills and keeps a lovely garden.

    If you met Bob in real life you would see none of that and dismiss him like every other nice guy who likely has hit on you. And likely if you didn't reject Bob, or someone like him. You unknowingly did by chasing after guys that are obviously the ones you are describing. Nice guys don't date dumb women who can't be selective.

    Now I admittedly am not a nice guy. However, I'm also not "after only one thing" or a shovunist or anything like that. I just think it's total crap that women can throw guys like my friend and a younger more naive me aside over and over and still have the balls to call out guys and say we aren't genuine, or nice, or there.

    The loudest voice in the room is rarely the one who has the most important thing to say. Likewise, the person in the room where attention is drawn is rarely the one who's attention you want on you.

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    • Best answer! This is along the grounds of what I would have said. I have a few female friends who date d***heads and oversee nice guys, then end up moaning ALL men are scum. Shocking but true. Obviously not all guys are bad, just a small portion.

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    • "But I can't because they always just want one thing. Being understanding towards men is only going to get me into more trouble, I can't win with men, they will always find a way to put me down"

      No "some"

      " I can't trust people/men too much..."

      No "some"

      "Why does it feel like most guys I meet are either only looking for something casual or asking too much from a girl in terms of not even seeing her as an equal in terms of a human being?"

      "Most" is a generality, therefor massively biased.

    • But I was talking about "most" in terms of "my" experiences- I can't speak for others ofcourse

  • Read the bible. The bible is as sexist as it can get. Women are trades as property in that book on many occasions. When that book is the "guide for your morality" (which it never should be imo...) it makes sense that you'll have a greater tendency to be sexist.

    It's awfully difficult to find a "genuine" woman as well miss. It's a people thing. We're a selfish lot (people, that is).

    Because there are so many sh*tty people in the world the good guys are more likely to get trampled on, the good women are more likely to get used and tossed, and those good people tend to shut themselves out or turn into not so good people.

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    • Yes, you're probably right. People generally are just selfish, perhaps this is just an inherently human thing. So then I wonder why we even exist in the first place..all we do is go round in circles and come to absolutely no conclusion, and in the process we just have to make do with what we've got instead of being completely true to ourselves and waiting to get what we really want because what we really has a higher probability of not existing..

  • I don't think it's you per se. You have to realize that the vast majority of men out there are total, complete a**hole douchebags that don't deserve to be called men. Yet when I say that, I get lots of guys saying they're great, nice guys and they definitely could be. I think I'm an incredible guy. You have to put yourself out there, be open and vulnerable, but keep in mind most guys will be far from what you're looking for. Don't despair, be patient, and fill your life with things you love to do. The more like minded people you come in contact with, the more likely you'll run into a guy you like so don't lose hope. It's frustrating, I know. You'd be surprised how hard it is finding a great girl to be with.

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  • "Nice guys" are all in your friend zone, where you left them.

    And yes, religious people are taught that they are morally superior and entitled to good things, by no effort of their own - or rather through the persecution and sacrifice described by other religious people in ancient text, which they've adapted as their own history. People who believe themselves to be superior and entitled never behave themselves.

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  • 1. It's just you.

    2. Broaden the places you're searching in.

    3. People are often ruled by fear, lack of motivation, and other emotional states rather than rationality. Also see 2.

    4. There are a lot of people who follow religions and turn themselves into bigoted pricks because of it. Then there are people who follow the spirit of their religion as it was intended, and they are the nicest, most respectful people you will ever meet.

    P.S. It seems like you're looking in places where people are preoccupied with first impressions, or seeming appealing - which includes more than just looks. Try to find social events where people won't be preoccupied with their self-presentation.

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  • There are a lot of good men out there, but you want to know what your problem is? You are asking too much and your standards are incredibly high. I bet you are the kind of girl who wants a perfect man like in the movies or in fairy tales, well you see every person has flaws and qualities. The guys that you usually look for I bet are good looking, popular and loud mofos, but these men are almost never "nice" people because they don't have to, they have the popularity, the girls and everything else together. therefore they can discriminate or do any girls they want and treat people like crap because they can do it, because they will never be lonely.

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    • How are my standards incredibly high? The problem actually is that even when I try to look at the nice guys, they turn out to be not so nice. I don't really think I'm asking for a lot, just someone who is in the middle and not on any extreme, just a decent guy with his head together..

    • If you are the one not finding them, it is definetely you, don't try to justify your mistakes by blaming it on men, because there are many good men out there.

  • Don't go to bars or clubs, your likely hood of finding a nice guy are slim, the same with online dating, most men think of those things as just online sex finders. There are an equal amount of nice guys to bad guys, its just nice guys aren't usually as out going, or make themselves as noticable, because they don't feel the need to have all the attention on them like a lot of tools and douche bags, that's why you never find them. Cause the stupidity and absolute ridiculousness of a tool is casting a shadow over the genuine man right behind him. I'm a nice guy, and we feel the same way about women as well. Its a crazy world we live in :(

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    • i guess you may be right, but I don't go to bars or clubs anyway, I've spent most of this year in the library studying, and still even guys I meet at university seem to not be serious, I don't know maybe it's a timing thing, and I just haven't met the right person, I don't know, but still it's just hard because I don't want to even waste my time with guys that are just going to turn around and disrespect me or something, it's like you can't ever tell who is genuine and who is not

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    • i'm at university but I'm just finishing off my masters and there are plenty of phd students around too who are not on the same level as the other younger under grad students, so it still shouldn't be that hard especially considering phd student are supposed to be more intelligent..

    • Well don't confuse intelligence for kindness, I understand your situation, and wish I could help further, but other than being there in person and showing you nice guys do exist I can't really help you lol I wish you luck though, you seem like a good person and deserve someone who treats you right

  • You have to look, you probable know a few genuine guys. But they are not showing up on your date radar, as respectful genuine guys are usually the nice guys and nice guys don't get noticed or are put in the friend zone.

    You will very really meet a guy looking for a real relationship in a club or bar. clubs and bars are for pick them up f*** them and forget them encounters.

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  • How many guys do you ask out?

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  • its probably just you, maybe a select few guy friends of yours aren't those so called respectful, genuine guys

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  • it's probably because it's human nature to want what we can't have

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  • How? no idea. fanatics are never good.. but yes, respect an manners are seriously dissapearing everywhere. Selfish egoistic egocentric thinking is wanted by todays society, unfortunately..

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  • I am a respectful and genuine guy, as are my friends.

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  • It's just you. Don't know about the religious part though.

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    • It can't just be me because the girl below agrees with me..

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    • If you're not a nice guy, then that reduces your value even more.

    • I'm not a nice guy or a jerk, I'm a good guy. Big difference.

  • It's just you.

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  • Hi :).

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    • yeah its you.

  • It's just you...and every other girl who continues to look in the wrong places and complain about it.

    Talk to guys that are quiet, shy, withdrawn, etc. Guys that show women respect usually end up quiet and shy because respecting women does not get you a girlfriend, no matter how many girls say otherwise. For this reason, most respectful guys aren't going to make themselves known, you have to go find them.

    And yes, religious people in general are bottom-of-the-barrel human beings, don't bother searching that crowd

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    • You talk about religious people, like such a saint of holiness and respect.. it's really unfathomable how much humility you show. I genuinely look to you as a beacon of all the hope that non-religious men have at being respectful and genuine in this world.

What Girls Said 4

  • Ummm yeah lol

    Most guys these days are totally obsessed with their cock; how many girls they can have sex with. Either that or they're too busy worried about their image and how much muscle they can gain or just self absorbed bullsh*t. There is a huge shortage of wonderful guys out there. Bitches turn good guys into selfish, self centered players and good girls are left with the scraps.

    Religious guys tend to be a pain in the ass. They build their worth and image around the bible and most of them tend to be highly hypocritical and self righteous. It's annoying. It's also extremely annoying when you can't get through a conversation with them without them preaching to you.

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    • It's true, I used to always think it was only guys, but recently I'm beginning to think its a partiuclar type of girls who are actually encouraging more guys to behave this way and in the process giving all girls a bad name

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    • Lol. Trust me, I know you don't care.

    • okay so then why are you still talking to me?

  • It depends where you're meeting them I think. I don't think men go to clubs and whatnot because they "Just wanna dance with their friends". All of my guy friends are wonderful young men and very respectful. It's just about meeting them at the right place and the right time.

    Being a non-religious person myself, I can't really relate to religious men and don't think I could ever have a relationship with one. There are religious people who are respectful of your beliefs and don't impose their religion on you and there are also many who will try to convert you and change you at every chance they get. This poem sums up my views on that matter. link

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  • You are just too young... Whenn you get older, guys also get older and they start looking for someone who is mature enough and serious about relationships. Until their late 20-ies or early thirties they just look after girls who are easier to approach. Don't worry... Stay yourself and things will come later. :-)

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    • i'm 24.. that's not really that young..and plus even the guys that I meet in their late twenties don't seem to be serious either...why do you think that might be?

    • Patience, my dear... Just relax, enjoy your life and itll come. My father is always saying:There's not a female and a male city. :-) Maybe you didn't look at ther right places... Its hard to find a nice and genuine guy in a disco... Or maybe you should just relax and wait. :-) Just have patience. :-)

  • it can seem like there is a lack of respectful genuine guys. I know very few...i know they exist, its just hard finding them. and then even when you think you've got a great guy he ends up being a scumbag. my roommate dated this one guy for a year...he was so incredibly respectful & polite & adorably sweet & communicated well & always wanted the best for her. then one day she finds out that he's been cheating on her for three months.

    about the religious guys, I think that's just you. I know several Christian guys who really are great people. yeah, there are some guys who call themselves Christians and then they go out & act like a jerk. its not something you can generalize...

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