I'm absolutely desperate for advice on what to do here... I have nobody else to talk to.

This is going to be long. I'm really, really, really sorry. I just don't know what else to do, and I'm really stressing about this.

Here’s the situation. There's this party being thrown by a guy I used to work with. He’s been in Nicaragua for the past two months, and this party is a “hey, I’m back, come catch up/drink” kind of thing.

I have a major crush on him which I'm constantly trying to squelch), but I’m not entirely sure that those feelings are reciprocated. He’s the type of guy that’s just really friendly/flirty with everyone, so it’s nearly impossible to tell. As far as I know, he’s never had an actual “girlfriend”, but he has tons of girls that are friends, which, to be perfectly honest, I find incredibly intimidating.

There have been numerous occasions where I thought “oh, he so likes me”, and then he’ll do something (or NOT do something) that’ll make me think the opposite, and therefore crushes me just a little bit. He’s just that kind of guy.

Anyway, he’s invited almost a hundred people to this party, and only three of them are former co-workers, despite him being friendly with all of them. I was one of the three that was invited. Everyone else is, obviously, a friend of his. I don’t know any of them, and I’m not too good in large groups of people, especially people that I don’t know, but who all know each other. Not to mention I’m not much of a drinker. I've never been to a house party (or any kind of a "let's drink and party" kind of gathering), so I would have no idea what to do, and it makes it worse not knowing anyone.

I kind of feel like I should go, because I really appreciate being included, and frankly, I’m still holding out hope that he likes me. This is also one reason why I’m kind of reluctant to go. I don’t want to be “just a friend”. I’m not strong enough for that. I don’t want to end up seeing/hearing something I don’t want to, like about him and another girl. I just don’t know if I want him in my life if I’m going to feel sad every time nothing happens. But yet I'm not entirely sure if it's the right thing to do to cut him out when he sort of seems to want me to be in his, at least a little bit.

I do have the option of bringing someone, if I get on it soon, so that's an option.

I'm really, really sorry this was so long, but seeing as how I used to be insanely shy, I don't have anyone else to talk to about this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • what do you think is going to happen at this party?

    If you want to go, go, if you don't, don't, but if don't go because you're afraid of being awkward you'll probally regret it, see it as a challenge, prove to yourself you're no longer that shy timid girl, it is good to get out of your confort zone every now and then, you only live once! As far as the guy, I think he makes is clear he can't be tamed, huge parties and giving you mixed signals, he's still in his player days, which he may be for his whole life, some people choose that lifestyle for themselves, I am one of them, well sort of.lol How about just be determined to be his friend try to get past his friendly flirty persona, get to know him in a deeper way.

    Also about the alcohol, it maybe awkward to not be drinking like the rest, but you can also make it not awkward and still have a good time, you control how you feel, you set the mood for the rest of the group!

    Personally, I am not too shy but a party with "over hundred" people I hardly know would be pretty intimidating... who will you hang out with? you don't want to bother him the whole night, and if the only activity planned is drinking which you don't do, you may not want to go.. or just stop by to say hi to your friend, see how the vibes are... and leave when you feel like.

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What Guys Said 6

  • First of all, you should go to the party even though you don't know people. You don't have to be a partier or a drinker to have fun and nobody expects you to be. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone if you want good things to happen, like in this case, bagging this new crush of yours. Just do your best to be open minded and to be friendly to anyone you meet. You never know, you might meet another great guy, a new best friend, or a new group of friends that you otherwise wouldn't have had you not taken that leap of faith.

    As far as this guy goes, its hard to say whether or not he likes you but avoiding the truth isn't the way to solve your problem. Hearing the truth is almost always better even if it isn't what you want to hear. If you show up there and all of a sudden see him with another girl, yeah you'll be crushed, but a few days later, you'll be relieved that you don't have to worry about all this anymore and it will be easier to move on. If you didn't go and as a result didn't know he had a new GF, you would still continue wondering and wasting time pursuing him. Seek the truth even if it hurts.

    Also, if you don't go, I hardly see how that's going to help your case in winning this guy over. Be casual but upfront. approach him and talk to him. If the conversation goes well, suggest hanging out again and see how he reacts.

    It goes back to my 2nd paragraph in saying that honesty is the best solution. I recently learned this the hard way. If you have feelings for a person, just be honest about it. 99% of the time it will go better than expected and you stop losing sleep over wondering what's on the other persons mind, good, bad, or indifferent. It does take a huge amount of courage, but you'll be so releaved once you get everything off your chest.

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  • This party thing sounds like a terrible time and place to want to move forward with this guy. Everything is going to be about him and he's going to be swamped with people wanting to talk to him.

    What I'd recommend would be to try to socialize with him a bit at the party and just have a good time. See if he tries to make plans with you at a later date. If he doesn't, and it's probably likely that he wont, then just before you leave ask him if he'd like to go and get lunch with you sometime. If he says yeah then say something like okay lets talk later.

    The point is to just try to make slow and steady progress with this person and see if he ever takes the wheel and decides HE wants to move forward with you. Girls tend to bad at initiating so if that's not your strong point then something like this would be what you'd have to do.

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  • Just bring a friend or two, I doubt he would care. If you think he would just ask him. From the sound of it your chances of him liking you more than a friend are slim at best. But that shouldn't discourage you. I'd go to the party try and make some new friends, you don't need to drink to have fun. Find him say hi and go off on your own. After a few days try and set up some time to hangout with him and make your move there.

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  • All you have to do at a party is hang and watch...since you might feel intimidated, I would go early...I always felt like I had more "seniority" when I when to a party early...remember there is no set time anyone has to stay at a party...if you get overwhelmed or tired of it you can just say goodbye and leave...also these parties tend to get more & more drunken...so you will probably find the people obnoxious if you are not drinking too...

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  • if he's flirty with everyone, maybe he kinda likes everyone already.

    so maybe he does like you a little already.

    i mean, is there a reason for him not to like you?

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  • bring a friend or two

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What Girls Said 2

  • I had a friend like him, friends with everyone but never had a girlfriend. He was lonely. I think, whether or not he reciprocates the feelings you have, should tell him. It is flattering, and maybe he'll like you back and take you on a date.

    Good luck sweet pea! I wish the best for you!

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  • dont chase him let him see you having fun and being confident in yourself. If he notices he may want to be a part of that! Also, if he does act interested don't go crazy for him. men love a challenge and it will make you stand out against all of his girl friends

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