Why do guys get so offended when you tell them your not intimidated by their exes?

So I've dated two guys with whom I've expressed I had no problem with them talking to their exes. The first one I admitted that I didn't even think his ex was that good looking and he shot right back that I shouldn't be so confident and that she was a really good looking girl. I was confused. I didn't know if he was serious. His ex was cute but not intimidatingly so. And his friends as well as the girl's sister even admitted I was the prettiest girl he dated so I know she wasn't a threat looks wise. Plus she was really crazy so I wasn't just basing my opinion on prettiness.

Then with another boyfriend I admitted I wasn't intimidated by his ex because I knew her for a 10+ years and knew that she cheated on every guy she'd been with. Plus she was really far off on drugs. He shot back that I shouldn't be so sure of myself because she has some really good qualities. This one I wasn't as mad at because I know the girl and if he really wanted her he could have her back.

I just don't know why men do this? I can kinda understand the second guy Because he still had feelings but number one didn't. Doing this stuff just turns us into the type of crazy jealous bitches you all hate. Like I used to be such a non-jealous laid-back girl and now I'm always looking over my shoulder and being suspicious. WHY guys? Why?

Woah anonymous user are you my exes ex? You seemed like you took that personally LOL. An she was kind of involved with me she was still stalking to my boyfriend at the time. I wasn't being insecure when I said I didn't think she was that pretty, I was just saying it was why I wasn't worried they were talking.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a bit irrational, but saying that his ex wasn't all that good looking make him sort of feel like..."he's" not that great. Think about it, if you said, wow, she's hot! The idea is, you'd be thinking... Wow! How'd you get her? "I'm so lucky you chose me!...I'm not worthy!"

    Instead, you tell him, she's aiiiight...which makes him feel like you're saying, I'm a much better catch. "You" should feel lucky to have "me". Convoluted...I know, but the level or type of girl a guy is able to pull is tied to his manliness and coolness factor.

    So when you say, she 'aint all 'dat, he thinks you're saying, he ain't all 'dat either!


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What Guys Said 1

  • I think what RelationshipDNA said made a lot of sense. By insulting his previous love interest your basically insinuating that he made some kind of awful mistake by dating her and that you are the vast improvement that vindicates him. Subtly you are changing the power dynamic in the relationship to your favor by making it seem he is so lucky to have you. He may not like that you insulted someone he previously poured some of his heart out to and that your insinuating his previous life was a failure until he met you. He may want some humility out of you to make him still feel somewhat accomplished and that his series of girlfriends were not stupid failures. Hence the statements like: "don't be so confident" "don't be so sure of yourself". He's trying to reassert his success, he may not like your arrogance.

    Usually I think it's polite to say good things about exes rather than bad things.. but I don't know.


What Girls Said 3

  • Because they prefer you to be the jealous type They are just like chicks. We love seeing our guys get upset and protective of us. Makes us feel important. Its the same for them.

  • You 'attacked' a person they were interested in. You 'attacked' their taste. You basically insulted them both.

  • It wasn't necessary to say that she wasn't that good looking to the first guy. you could have just kept that to yourself. Now if they are throwing the exes in your face, then that's another thing they just want you to be insecure so they can have some control. but if you're going around dissing their exes then that makes you look insecure and bitchy. why even talk about exes anyway? I don't like to talk about other bitches that don't involve me