Can someone's ex make them undateable?

My ex is a stripper. Not only that, my reason for breaking it off with her came from her addiction to drugs, and in order to pay for them she had resorted to prostitution.

Does the fact that I was associated with her make me undateable? If it does seem to make me undateable, does it help knowing the following change things, or does her past and my association with her overshadow things?

I was completely faithful to her, treated her like a princess and with nothing but respect. I also never had sex with her because I had personal reservations and questions that were unanswered. The questions were about what I mentioned above - the reason for my breaking up with her.

  • I would not even give you a chance if I knew up front
    6% (6)3% (1)5% (7)Vote
  • I would break things off with you after I found out about her, regardless of how well I got to know you
    6% (6)14% (5)8% (11)Vote
  • I would give you a chance knowing about her up front
    28% (28)16% (6)25% (34)Vote
  • I would not break things off with you after finding out about her
    27% (27)16% (6)24% (33)Vote
  • I honestly don't know
    33% (33)51% (19)38% (52)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't know if it makes you un-dateable but I would seriously question what it is that you were looking for in a woman and what would cause you to stay with a woman like that, be faithful to her, treat her like a princess and never have sex with her. There is pretty much nothing about that which makes sense to me. It would make me think you are just not very sensible and at your age I am not sure why you would have a relationship with someone you wouldn't sleep with because you had reservations about them.

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What Girls Said 16

  • That's quite the ex. But especially knowing that you didn't have sex with her, I wouldn't be bothered by it. There's a reason why you aren't with her anymore, and it seems like you handled the situation in a very admirable way. There's no reason why I would hold that against you. In fact, I'd be a lot more bothered upon finding out about an ex who wasn't such an obvious mistake.

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    • I think that someone's ex could make them undateable in some situations, though. For me, it would be more likely to be a problem if the ex was still in the picture in a way that made me uncomfortable, if I was worried that he still had feelings for his ex, or if he had a really horrendous ex and didn't ever realize that about her. I don't think your situation shows a lack of good judgement on your part, since you did end it when you found out more about her. But if that wasn't the case it might.

    • I actually went to the police about her because of her texts when I broke it off. She started threatening me. Then she spotted me last weekend and started texting me from a new number. I know she never paid her cell phone bill so I assume she has a new phone to go with that number, so for her to text me she had to consciously save my number with intentions of using it again (even after she said to lose her number and never talk again). I think it's safe to say she's got some real problems.

    • Sounds like it. Be careful.

  • If I knew a guy dated a drug addicted stripper prostitute, I would never start dating him. I wouldn't take him seriously because if he's attracted to girls in such a seedy lifestyle, how could I trust him? He'd either be seedy as hell himself or something like a pimp taking advantage of her. From what you described, your behavior isn't like that, but I wouldn't believe a guy that told me all that if he dated her. I wouldn't believe you never had sex with her either, basically I'd think you were lying and yes, an ex like that would make you undatable. The stripper part...ehhh MAYBE I could live with but I still probably wouldn't take him seriously...but the drug addict prostitute, hell no.

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    • Why do you think I ended it? I found out what she was hiding. I didn't stick around after I knew about the drugs and prostitution. As for not having sex, we weren't together for a really long time. I have those voting options because I know eventually it will come out, and the up front options are not because I advertise it, but because some may already know and there's no way around them knowing.

  • I would still date you. People with a history are much more interesting than people who've led wonderful boring little lives, and it doesn't sound like you've even done anything wrong. You fell in love with a girl who had a questionable lifestyle, that's not your fault. In fact, I applaud you for being open to people even when you disagree with some of their lifestyle choices. Finally, as a general rule, I don't think past decisions can ever permanently 'taint' a person (within reason - if someone is a murderer that would be harder to forget). People change; it's about who you are now, not about who a past version of you was.

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  • it's not something I would bring up on the first date (but who would bring up any ex on their first few dates with a new girl?) but it wouldn't be a problem if I already new and liked you...i judge people by their actions not who they have been "associated" with.

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  • In general, no it wouldn't because you & your ex are two different people & you can't control her choices in life. I don't have a problem with strippers (in general) anyway.

    However, like semifastrunner said, it's not something I need to know on a first date. Most people have exes, but as a general dating rule, you don't talk about past relationships on a first date.

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    • I'd never talk about an ex until asked about it.

  • She's the past, and the (theoretically) I'm the present. I don't give a shytte about her, she set the bar low so I can show you a real girl. lol That would be my thought process...

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  • Still give them a chance, because an ex doesn't define who you are

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  • It wouldn't but if she was one of my good friends then I do have to say yes. That would make you undateable =)

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  • I wouldn't mind at all. You got out of a bad situation. And you didn't even have sex with her. So no, I would not mind. The past is in the past anyway

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  • I would still date you. You aren't her and what she did has nothing to do with you anymore. :)

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  • If I had some knowledge of the situation upfront then I would possibly be okay.

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  • I'm going to be honest here. I would probably question your taste in women. I mean we've all heard the stripper with a heart of gold stories but drugs and prostitution too? Hm... I think I would wonder the most is WHY. Were you desperate/ in a bad place emotionally? Did you meet her as a normal girl doing normal things or knowingly while she was working in a strip club? Also, it would depend on how long ago it was. Most people have done things in their past and after a while it is understandable. But if it was recent, I would wonder if there was still some underlying baggage or something going on. The bright side would be though that you see the best in everyone and treat them well no matter what that would definitely be reassuring. An ex wouldn't be a make it or break it, but it would be a gateway to considering other aspects as well. So it really just depends.

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    • I didn't know about the drugs and prostitution. When I found , that's when I ended things. I wouldn't knowingly date a drug addicted prostitute stripper.

      I don't really have any baggage. My only thing is I'm getting a high stress professional degree, so I might be on edge during test times.

      I met her when I went to pick up friends who drank too much to drive home.

    • Yeah okay, not knowing is completely different and so then I don't see why it would make you undateable. I think the biggest thing though is emphasizing your role in the relationship. If you do decide to tell a future girlfriend about it, make sure she understands that you broke up with her because of (not regardless of it). As for the baggage thing, don't worry about it. I am as well so I know where you're coming from .

  • To tell you the truth, if I've only known you for a little while, I wouldn't want to know because then it would make me turn my back on you very quickly. Needless to say, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't want to know at some point. Just not then. I can say though after a while when I hear that, I'll be asking myself questions as to if you've dated more than one stripper, why you didn't have sex with her, etc

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    • I didn't have sex with her because as a person, everything has to be right in my head before I choose to. I never dated a stripper before, and having questions of her lifestyle were lingering in my head. While I never had intentions of dating a stripper, it was a girl I feel in love with, but I still maintained my better judgment and needed answers before I'd stay with her and take the relationship to that level. I'm not a guy who has sex just to have sex - it needs meaning.

  • I'd prefer if you were upfront about it.

    It's her mistake not yours. I have a friend who's ex became a p*rnstar. I think no differently of him, it wasn't HIS choice or HIS career.

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  • u sure know how to pick em

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  • complete turnoff, even given the circumstances. I could only vote for one, but if I knew upfront, I wouldn't even go for a second date.

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What Guys Said 8

  • Exes are exes for a reason: they're no longer romantically a part of our lives. Ex-partners aren't necessarily a fun subject to talk about and sometimes there can be some serious regret in there that a person will try desperately to repress. Exes are from the past- he/she is probably much happier focusing on the present and future- embrace it.

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  • she was in a bad situation , you were just someone in her life . as long is you'd didn't catch an std from her I'm not sure there is a problem here . I also wouldn't bother telling any new girls you meet about her

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  • It creates certain questions about your level of judgement.

    Comes down to each persons level of willingness to give you a chance

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  • I know this question is intended for women in general, but I will give you my opinion.What I think is that it will affect on your dating life, Will it make you undateable? Well that depends.To understand this you have to put yourself on the other side, for example if you are dating a girl and you just heard that her ex-boyfriend was a drug addict, you will definitly have a reaction maybe a neutral one or a negative one, a positive one I don´t think so. Depending on your reaction you will decide to continue dating or stop. Hope this helps.

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  • Your ex is a stripper too? Did she rob you of 3 grand and cheat on you with your two good friends? Mine did :(

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    • That depends on your definition of rob. By some definitions, she robbed me of everything I ever gave her simply because of who she was and what she did. By other definitions, it was nothing but things a guy gives a girl when in a relationship. She didn't cheat on me with any of my friends, but I don't know if she was messing around and who with other than her "clients" you could say. I didn't stick around to find that out. I broke things off immediately upon finding out the complete truth.

  • Why would that stop you from dating people? It is definitely something that you wouldn't take to your date about for the first couple of months.

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    • It wouldn't stop me from dating people, but it might turn girls away. There's even a vote already for that. I gave the options I did because some girls may already know, which means there's no chance there at all if they are too judgmental. I wouldn't bring it up for a while, but if they already know then there's no way around that. I want to know just how much her past has damaged my chances with future relationships.

    • The votes are going to go against you because that is the only thing you projected about yourself. Do you think you girls would want to date you if the first thing you told them was about your ex having a drug problem and being a stripper? No one wants to hear about their dates exs.

  • You want to know the truth? The truth is that must women wouldn't date you unfortunatelly.

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  • Honestly why the hell would you tell a girl your dating about your past girlfriends? It's just stupid...

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