I NEED to learn how to be an affectionate girlfriend...help?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. He is so affectionate, but me I am not affectionate at all. And I've just come to take notice of my problem. I have never been an affectionate person to friends, family, or anyone really. I don't know why I am such a cold person. It makes me feel miserable knowing this about myself. I basically just don't know how, I don't know how to accept a compliment, don't know how to give one, and have very low self esteem. Supposedly I'm a very pretty girl but I just don't believe it honestly. I always feel embarrassed of myself and have anxiety. My boyfriend however is the total opposite he is handsome and sweet and lovable. And I feel horrible that I'm not that same way to him. I really love him, and I want to change. I want to be able to make him as happy as he makes me feel. He deserves so much more that the way I treat him. But it just comes off as such a challenge to me. Sometimes he makes remarks how I'm not lovable and hearing this makes me want to cry for being so horrible to someone that means so much to me... HELP. I'm 20 by the way, and really don't want to ruin this relationship <\3


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Most Helpful Girl

  • you need to put yourself out there more, invite him out on a date and have the whole night planned, listen to him more, maybe he has been hinting about something he wants.

    If you are not good with words, write him a letter about how much you love him and how much he means to you. You have to get over you're anxiety, life is short, the way you get over it is by trying new things and taking risks, you have it in you! once in your life you didn't care what others thought, you laughed with all your heart and cried with all your heart, don't hold back! If you feel something show it! There's no point in hiding your love for someone, unless that person can't be trusted...? And if you can't trust that person don't waste your time, move on to someone you can trust with your heart. But I can tell you from experience, you will regret not letting go and letting yourself love, you will always think, What if he was the one? What if I tried harder? Work on your confidence, maybe that means working out, or meditating, or taking up a new hobby, switching to a job you love... maybe you need a some time apart so you can find yourself...young realtionships are hard... I'm 20 aswell...I'm a little afraid of starting a new realtionship for this very reason... I want one, but I'm not sure I'm ready, still finding myself I guess..

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What Guys Said 1

  • That is awesome that you want to be a better girlfriend kudos. I think if you want to be more affectionate you have to think less about you and more about him and his emotions and how he feels. Some people are better than this then others, it is called being emotionally intelligent and being able to read and understand others' emotions. I am pretty good at this and it is not hard. Just have a thought from time to time how something is perceived by him and think how you would make it sweeter and nicer... that is how you become affectionate, do that or just learn how to give great blow jobs ;)

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What Girls Said 1

  • In this instance I say you have to fake it until you make it. I struggle with affection sometimes as well. My family wasn't very affectionate so for me its been something I've picked up as an adult. I really had to fake it until I made it. I had to make it a point to remind myself to do little things until they became second nature. You can do things like, kiss him for at least 5-10 seconds to greet him when you see him, sending him a text or ecard telling him you miss him or care about him, try planning a special night for him or hugging him more. I had to try one new thing at a time. It sounds sad, but I started with one "sweet" thing a week until I felt comfortable and kept adding things until I became more affectionate. Now its more second nature.

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