Where to begin...
Three years ago, I met a beautiful, charismatic, intelligent girl with a wonderful personally. We share almost exactly the same interests, sense of humor, all that. We dated a month, but we immediately fell in love.
There was an issue with a mutual best friend, and for the sake of friendship for all three of us, we had to break up. The friend in question tried to turn us against each other, but we held through and continued to talk for 3 months. throughout that, we continued to talk as if we were together, but weren't. We still loved each other.
She refused to be with me, due to the earlier complication, so I felt I needed to move on. Dated another girl, it was a mistake, and me and my ex eventually started talking again. All the emotion returned, and we decided to try again, but again, due to an unforseen complication, it didn't work. She broke my heart, but honestly, we are both to blame, but she bares more of the weight. We got into a three month arguement and stopped talking again.
We recently began talking, and its like we never stopped, like we never had the arguement or anything.
Even though we both know the way we feel about each other, she doesn't like to talk about it, and will stop talking to me if I mention it too much. Neither of us was unfaithful, there's no trust issue, no problems at all really. We don't argue, we laugh and have fun and fall asleep on the phone together. I love her to death and I know she feels the same, though she won't admit it.
she's really sweet, but can be really mean and indifferent sometimes. When we argued she said she doesn't want to try to be together anymore.
My problem is that I don't know whether I should be patient, make it happen, or just forget about my feelings altogether. Since we've been talking, about two weeks, which is long enough for us really, she's been really affectionate and fondly brings up our history and things we'v done together. she said she's lonely and wants to be loved, but when I offered she said she's okay. is she afraid? we had hard times but pulled through in the end. is she leading me on, using me? I don't really know what I should do, and would like some input..
Most Helpful Girl
You've got a complicated chick on your hand. Plain and simple.
There's no amount of time you could wait for her to straighten up because that's not how it works. It's funny, that people assume that everyone knows how to love. That is so not case. Everyone is born with the capacity to love, but not everyone was taught how to give it or receive love properly so there are a lot of us out there, men and women, who are going through the motions, not understanding why we do the things we do, why we love the way we do and why we love the people we do.
I don't think she's intentionally being mean or indifferent one minute and being so affectionate at another time just to lead you on. I believe she's really conflicted, because from what you've described above, there's no reason you guys aren't together besides the fact that she doesn't want to take it to that next step. A number of things could be holding her back, fear, trust...it doesn't matter. She's not in control of her emotions or feelings which can be frustrating for someone whose waiting for her to make up her mind.
I'm sure you love her to pieces, and I have a strong suspicion she loves you too, but no amount of love or patience is going to change her into the woman she needs to become in order for her to be able to accept the love you want to give her. She just can't...it's and her relationship DNA, she doesn't have the capacity for it. She'll have to learn how to love herself and be loved on her own whether someone helps her or not, and it may happen in time. But right now, she's not ready.
I suggest, you back off... as excruciating as that may be. You'll only have her run in the opposite direction if you keep pushing. I always say, listen to people the first time they tell you something. They may change their minds in the course, but the first thing they told you, was the absolute truth. The way I see it, you have two choices.
1. Choose to be her friend...that way you get to stay in her world and be able to have her in that capacity or
2. Cut ties completely, because if you can't have her the way you want to have her, you can't stand to be in her world.
You can choose how to move on from this, but I think you'll definitely have to 'move on'. When and if she's ever ready, maybe you guys will find each other again...and pick up the pieces like you never dropped it.
Good luck. Hope this helped.0