Guys or gals above 30! I need your advice!

I have been with a guy since Christmas. we were friends for a year before that and then he asked me out. we have been talking since then. His friends are throwing a Bday party for him ( not exactly on his Bday date). I will not be able to attend the party that day. I am expecting him to try to change the date if he cares for me to be there too. However, I will not tell him that this is what I expect because I think he should feel that he wants me to be there too. Am I being rational? How should I approach this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hrmm...well, I woudlnt make a deal out of not changing the date.. Especially since its his friends throwing the bday party for him. I would either show up earlier in the day, or later that night if I really wanted to be there for some part of it. But don't take it personally..Im sure his friends didn't purposely plan to hold his bday on the day you can't be there...

    The way my brain works though is...seeing how the party isn't exactly on his bday date..Id secretly be bouncy inside doing the "I get him all to myself on his day!" dance... and plan something special just from me to him on his actual bday...and really make it something special. ;)

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What Guys Said 6

  • So many good answers and I agree with all of them! It is not a put down in any way for him have the party on the day his friends picked--especially since they planned the party. It would be irrational to expect him to change the date just for you, and even more irrational to be mad about it if he didn't do it when he doesn't know you want him to do that. I am sure he wants you to be there, but most guys are pragmatic, if you can't be there he understands even though he would like you to be there. He won't make to big of a deal about it and I don't think you should either.

    A related type of experience that might add some insight: Once when I was dating a particular girl I had the opportunity to go on river trip with several of my friends from church. She happened to be on her period and didn't want me to go. She also didn't want me to go either though. Well, I didn't go for her, but I sort of resented it and decided we were not meant to be together. I kind of felt like she was too insecure. Maybe we were not meant to be together anyway, but I always wish I had gone on that river trip and I wish she would have been more happy for me to go and do something fun, even though she couldn't or didn't want to be there that time.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you.

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  • I'm sure he would like for you to be there, but he can't hardly change the date of his birth to accomodate this. To me, your birthday is your birth day. Locked in rock. You could have a party of your own for him on another day, but his friends would probably think he's a little "whipped" if he makes too much of a fuss over changing the date of their party. If he loves you, I'm sure that you know this from many other indicators. Just lighten up a bit, and see what happens. We're s'posed ta mellow a little with age. lol. If you were married to him, it would be a different thing. All the best.

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    • Do you think I am allowed to see that he is trying once? or that is too much too?BTW, awesome answer. Thanks a lot

    • If what you mean by "that he is trying once", is that he's making an effort to have the date of the party changed, I would advise that he is not being disrespectful to you in not doing this, but it would admittedly be nice for you to know that he did. It certainly doesn't indicate that he thinks any less of you ir he doesn't. I'd just tell him that you understand, and encourage him to have fun. This shows him that you love him, and respect him. Otherwise you look needy, and insecure. Good luck!

  • Well, the fact that you want him to change the date of the party his friends are throwing for his birthday sounds a little unfair. I guess it doesn't sound rational to me at all and were my girlfriend to accuse me of not respecting her wishes over this matter I would probably start thinking less of her.

    This is HIS day, and you should either be supportive of him or change YOUR plans so you can attend. I hope he treats you like a queen on your birthday.

    Like palek said, perhaps you could do something on a different day to show him that this is important to you, too. What guy isn't a sucker for sweetness from his girl?

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  • Whoa, first of all, you're asking him to be a mind-reader and know that you want him to change the date without telling him. I suppose you will feel that he doesn't love you or care enough for you and your feelings if he doesn't know this without being told.

    Secondly, he didn't plan the party, his friends did. It would be inappropriate and tacky for him to ask them to change the plans they are making for him.

    Yes, you're being irrational about this. I'm sure he would like for you to be there so try and make it if you can. If you can't, then be a good girlfriend and let him enjoy without you and without having to think that you're pissed at him for going without you.

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  • You should let him know how disappointed you are that you can not attend the party, but do not worry about it if the party date does not get changed. But make a point to try to celebrate his birthday in a way you both would enjoy when you are available.

    Good Luck,

    James

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  • when someone other than you plans a party, they are not required to adjust to your scedule, if you can't make it, that's your problem.

    I suggest making plans on your own for a one on one date with your guy on another night, just tell him the truth, your trying to make up for the fact you could not attend.

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