I just turned 20, and I've still never had a boyfriend. And I'm very concerned by this, not because I think I ~need~ one, but because I feel like I'm growing bitter or something. I don't even try and talk to guys anymore, which I realize is counterproductive.
I'm kind of shy, not terribly, but I'm not a huge flirter. The guys I like are actually never interested in me too. Back in high school, I straight up told two guys I liked them, and they told me that they only liked me as a friend, despite leading me on (inviting me places, things like that). So, that was scarring.
In my first two years of college, I grew interested in a few guys, only for them to make it clear that I never had a chance in hell. Example, a guy friend of mine who also shares lots of mutual friends would say things like "Yeah, I'm into Asians pretty much." (I'm not Asian, neither is he. Ok...).
The thing is, I realize I'm probably very standoffish now, so guys don't approach me, and that is entirely my fault. But I'm becoming fairly bitter about this. I've given up, deep down inside I think, because nothing ever works out.
I just want to have the experience of a boyfriend :/ Does anyone have an advice, or similar stories with happy endings?
Most Helpful Guy
I've been in a similar situation and to some extent still am. I also have to agree with TKDkidd. As shallow as it sounds, its the truth. While personality is very important, its looks that get a girls foot in the door. If you aren't somewhat attractive, nothing else matters. Sad but true.
First of all I suggest you learn to flirt and be really outgoing. In my experience the girls (who weren't always all that attractive) that had guys all over them, where the girls that were super friendly and outgoing. They radiated friendliness and as a result every guy felt comfortable getting closer to her (figuratively speaking). Everyone is drawn to people who are friendly and happy not to people who are grumpy.
I've had my fair share of GF's, but most of them were short flings that didn't mean much and considering the fact that I'm 24, I'm still not burning it up given the number of GF's I have had. I get friend carded more than you can imagine, and it seems the only girls who like me are the ones I have 0 interest in. What I learned, which you seem to already know, is you have to tackle this head on. Find every way to improve upon yourself. New clothes, go the gym, new hair style, work on your flirting and talking to men, etc. Take a proactive approach to improving your dating life instead of praying it gets better. When I decided to do this, I saw improvement. Not that I became hugh hefner, but I'm definitely getting more dates/GFs/sex than I once did.
Once again, but be brutally honest, It's likely your looks, or a key red flag that is turning people away. Most guy generally will not turn down a girl who is at least above average in attractiveness, again, unless of course she has some major red flag about her. Maybe she has some seriously mental illness, really bad home life, cheated on someone in the past, does too much drugs or alcohol, whatever, it can be anything that says to a guy, this girl isn't prime for dating.
Improve on your appearance, update to a friendlier attitude, learn how to flirt, and eliminate any potential sources for drama.1
- Show AllShow Less