I'm dating this beautiful, smart, and amazing girl right now whose 24. We've been dating for a month now. I'm 23.
During our most recent date, which is the 5th date, I asked her why someone like her was single during dinner. She said that she dated her ex for 5 months. They were friends for years before they decided to start a relationship. Her ex had liked her more than a friend in those past years, but she only saw him as a friend so they never went out. She said he had asked her again 5 months ago, and she decided to finally give him a chance.
She said it was nice and all at the beginning of the relationship, but she found that she didn't love him. She stayed with him hoping that she would love him the way he loved her, but it never happened. So she broke up with him, and her ex was devastated.
I asked her when she ended it, and she said April 8, which scared me because I asked her out on April 23.
That's a fairly short time to get over someone right? I mean I asked her if she still had feelings for the guy and she said "definitely not".
I just don't want to be a rebound for this girl. I mean so far everything is great. We haven't had sex yet, but we have so much in common and we're so compatible. We always have so much fun together, and she's always so willing and enthusiastic when I ask her out to do something. She has never mentioned her ex at all except for when I asked about him.
Most Helpful Girl
I think if you want to think the worst of this girl then you could think that she was treating him as friends with benefits, but I don't think you are really giving her the benefit of the doubt. You don't know what's going on in her head, and I would hope after 5 dates she wouldn't be that frank with you about how intimate she was with this other guy in their 5 month relationship - you shouldn't really know anything about the nature of their relationship because it isn't any of your business.
If what she told you was true, then she had a guy friend who was in love with/really liked her for years. If you've ever been in that situation, then it might be easy to relate to. If you haven't, then it might be more difficult.
When someone puts you on a pedestal and you don't feel the same way but still spend time with them, it can be flattering. And right or wrong, sometimes people gravitate towards that because it makes them feel better when they are feeling down or not so good about themselves. It doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human.
She chose to give him a chance - for whatever reason. It doesn't sound like she was really invested in the relationship, but she gave it a chance. No one can really tell you why she chose to stay, but I think it is probably the same reason as many people chose to stay in bad relationships - they think (or hope) the feelings will change. Whether it was right to stay with someone she didn't have true feelings for or even start a relationship in the first place, well, it wasn't fair to him to be in a relationship with someone who wasn't really 100% sure she wanted to be with him. Unfortunately, that is something that happens every day.
As for your relationship with her, this should be irrelevant. If she enjoys spends time with you and vice versa, don't worry about some guy she dated a few months ago. You can keep it in the back of your mind maybe if she begins to seem distant, but I wouldn't put too much stock in it.1