Sex on the first date. Ruins everything or maybe okay?

I've known a guy for about one year, but always met him with other friends around. He has suggested dates before, but then I wasn't interested. Then he asked me on a date for about 2 months ago, and I had no reason not to. We had a really great time. We had sex. I met him a few times more that week, and then nothing happened between us. I've been seeing him for about 2-3 times a week for the past 2 months. Sometimes we sleep together, and sometimes we just watch a movie or something. He has told me that I shouldn't be attached to him because he's going to school in the fall and won't have so much time for me. So I played it cool, and just had fun with him. But for about a week ago, we talked about it again. And then he said he was afraid of getting hurt, or that he would hurt me. We where both drunk, but we both remember it. And after that he asked me if I would visit his grandparents. It's a 8 hour drive. So we did it this weekend, and it was amazing. He says things like :" I like you even better now" "Next time we visit" and so on.. So now I'm like, what the f***? He's a nice guy, smart, good looking. From the beginning I've liked him, maybe more because we had sex the first night. But I've tried to be cool, because he told me so. But now I don't know what to think...Any opinions?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't ruin everything but it quickly complicates things because even though you aren't a couple technically you're still very close because of the experience and usually one of you is going to be more into it than the other especially when it comes to the question of where the relationship goes afterward. You might think "oh he just likes that I put out" while he actually wants a relationship but is afraid to say it because girls that put out that easily usually aren't looking for anything long term outside of maybe a FWB. Or because you have had sex so often you become used to it and get bored even though he's enjoying the nostrings situation that you've developed.

    Either way I'd suggest really sitting down and having a frank and serious discussion about where you want this relationship to go so you can get on the same page otherwise you;ll just be sitting around wondering what the hell is going on the entire time.


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What Guys Said 1

  • you guys really need to draw the line. Talk to him and see where things are going.


What Girls Said 1

  • hmm... he had his fears and what not. but I think his him liking you thing weighs more importantly than the his whole afraid of getting hurt or hurting you thing. girl, he took you with him to visit his grandparents! he definitely wants something but still is stuck a bit in a limbo state mentally. So, the best way to approach it is to talk to him frankly. And from what you have written here, seems like you ARE into him and would not mind starting something serious with him.