Is it weird I don't feel the need to be with someone?

I'm 24 and for most of my life I've been doing my own thing, my own hobbies, the things I enjoy, working on my career. I've never had a girlfriend. I've been on a date or two, though. Anyway, I was talking to a girl my age a few days ago and she's engaged. She was telling me how she met her fiance and she told me that before she met him, she had been single for a year and couldn't take it any longer because she needed someone. When she said that, I thought it was strange. Here I was, single my whole life, and I never felt the "need" to be with someone.

Now, down the line, once I'm established and stuff, I'll definitely want to date more, but right now it just doesn't seem like a priority to me. Is there something wrong with me? The more I look around, the more I realize someone's been with someone and many are engaged or married.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • no. its not weird. I find her saying she _needs_to be with someone far more strange.

    few people openly admit to feeling desperate, or uncomfortable with having to deal wotg themselves.

    anyways, as far as not wanting a relationship. if you really dont, &r not just lying to yourself., id say you should be relieved. wanting/ needing a relationship, is a pain,. there's beauty in it, but, it doesn't really feel completely, dignified.

    its a preferable state to be in. imo. the need to be with someone is more like needing to smoke or drink, or do drugs etc. its a hassle & something a lot of people would rather not feel the need to have, but are more miserable without it. so they are compelled.

    if our happy being alone, id consider it lucky.

    tho, the fact you are wondering about it, now suggests to me, you're actually not so happy being alone. otherwise ud be perfectly content with it whether it was considered weird or not.

    sonds more like you want a girlfriend, but want an objective reason outside of u, for working towards that. rather than admitting you want one.

    as I said, its an inconvenience, a lot of people would rather not have to deal th/. wanting someone.

    and a lot of people get around it by lying to themselves or someone else.

    i just want the sex. id leave but he needs me. I can't break up with her, it'd hurt her. I don't want to be a social outcast so I have to be in a relationship. my parents want to see me happy'. id get farther in work with a wife. etc etc. all bullsh*t excuses, instead of just saying, I don't want to be alone.

    anyways if you want a girlfriend, or not, it doesn't really matter if its typical or not. just do w/e you want. as long as you don't do it maliciously.

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    • well, I'm more in the mode of "if the right girl comes along, then maybe something will happen" rather than actively seeking out something.

    • yeah, makes perfect sense to me. I was against relationships, until I fell in love. then it took a few years tp open myself up to at least being with someone I actually want. I suppose if we break up, ill get involved again IF I really like him. but I don't fall easy. I always would rather _want_ to be alone. but I don't know as human beings/ social beings, how much of that is actually a choice. wanting/ doing are differnt things. I can be alone as an act, wanting to be alone-perptually-harder to achieve

What Girls Said 12

  • Nope not at all. I like the way you think, and I'd venture to say that this way you'll be in a much more stable relationship and you'll also know more of what you want in a relationship. Personally I believe that 24 is too early to get married, I know many may disagree, but it's important to get your own feet on the ground first. It's not like you're single because you can't get anyone but you desperately want someone (I hope).. but if you're just choosing to be single then its not a problem whatsoever in MY mind. My cousin did the same thing. He was dating a girl for a while but then he broke up with her just because he didn't have time. He wanted to focus on other things like his job and moving out and grad school etc.

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  • I feel the same way you do and I get comments from people all the time. I'm assuming this independent state isn't readily accepted since I'm female, but honestly, I've just finished my second degree, the job market is tough and I haven't found a permanent job. I'm still living at home. I just want to establish my career, do some travelling and have some fun without having to compromise with somebody else and be in a relationship. It sucks because I'm at the age where most of the people I know have been in long term relationships or are enganged/married so I'm constantly reminded about it!

    In short, there's nothing wrong with you, just get your priorities worked out first! You probably haven't met anybody that made you feel like you "need" them but who knows, you might down the line

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    • interesting. I've been alone my whole life. no one has ever had a problem with it, because I'm female.

  • not weird. everyone's different.

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  • Nothing is wrong with you, it seems that since you were involved with hobbies and have been busy most of your life, you haven't stopped to think "do I need a girlfriend?". Judging by how you are busy almost everyday, you don't need anyone in your life ...yet. I mean itll take some time for you to realize that sooner or later you WILL want to be with someone. It may not be now, but maybe in the future.

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  • As a girl, I feel the same. I'm 25 and have always been teased for not having been in a relationship, but I'm more comfortable this way. I have other priorities too.

    Sure I flirt once in a while but at the end of the day, I always enjoy being by myself, probably because I'm used to it. I'm an only child, by the way. Though I have many friends, I like going home in a quiet envt.

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  • no

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  • No, it's not weird. It's good for you to be independent and want to focus on establishing yourself before being with someone else.

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  • No you just have other things you want to accomplish first, there are many like you in this world.

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  • I don't feel the need to be with someone. I'm perfectly happy just not being in a relationship...

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  • you're quite young - give it about 10yrs I promise you you'll feel different.

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  • Really? I feel the opposite way...out of college & trapped living at home. I would rather get married so that I can get out of here.

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    • Move out?

    • Shit, Moloch! Shut up man, that common sense sh*t isn't aloud round here.

    • Rent would eat up a huge chunk of my meager salary. But thanks for the "common sense".

  • I don't see why that would be wrong. I'm 20 and I've never felt the need to be with someone either.

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What Guys Said 12

  • I think you answered your own question. The reason you feel this way is because you've never been in a relationship. As soon as you have a great relationship, it becomes like a drug. Same for sex. You realize how awesome it was and you do everything you can to get another fix. It's like this, how can you crave a food you've never tried?

    As long as you are still sexually attracted to women, you just don't want a relationship, then I would say you are perfectly normal, but again all that will change I think, as soon as you get into a serious relationship.

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    • you don't have to have been in a serious relationship to want to be with somebody... you have to want to be with someone before you get into a relationship.

      you're putting the cart before the horse there with your theory

    • Show All
    • Actually kholland65, I disagree, and I actually agree with yauch. For me personally, up until my first serious relationship, I had never gotten much attention from the opposite gender (late bloomer and stuff... looked like I was anywhere from two to four years younger than I really was up until about last year), and I really craved a relationship. After my serious relationship, though, I realized I could be just as happy without relationships, and now I'm open to them but not desperate for them.

    • Probably depends on the relationship too. My first serious relationship was actually quite good. I was almost ready to marry the girl, so having that taken away from me has caused to to crave it every since.

  • That's a freaking awesome thing, dude. You're EXACTLY where you want to be. I've found (and I've had another account on here, so I've been here a really long time) that the most common issue in users on this site is that they need a love life to be happy. Their self-esteem and contentment with life fluctuates based on their love life, and that's exactly the opposite of what should happen: ideally, your love life should change based on how confident and happy you are with your OWN life.

    You're already there, so most of your life, you've been able to focus on improving your own self, and you're probably much further in life than you would be otherwise. So don't worry, and keep up this attitude. Like you said, down the line, once you're "established and stuff", you'll want and be able to date more. But even then, it shouldn't be a priority and you shouldn't let it affect your level of happiness. You should be able to be happy on your own. And plus, that way, even if you're like 40 years old and feeling like you're really starting to run out of time to meet someone special, if you stay happy with your own life, you'll be more attractive to women, and you'll also be able to assess and manage your love life more rationally rather than based on emotion.

    In short, your current situation is awesome. You're right where you want to be, so don't change this outlook and keep it goin' till the cows come home :)

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  • Actually I think this is very healthy.

    Many people rush into relationships because they try to fill some void or heal wounds inside themselves or they simply can't stand being alone.

    A healthy relationship should start from a perspective of want and not need.

    You simply don't need or want a relationship right now. You have a lot of other things going in your life right now, nothing wrong with that. One day you might want a relationship and then you will go into that relationship as a complete and confident person sure that this is what you want.

    Just be true to yourself and follow your passions in life and don't worry about what is weird or not.

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  • Nope, certainly not wrong. I feel the same way.

    It's just the age range where if you're not dating or have a relationship, you're seen as odd.

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  • im just like you. I feel like even if I want to make something work something deep in me cannot get in to a relationship. its not like I want one I just cut ties slowly after that night with her, until we both forget.lol but I feel the need to be with someone and ride it all the way out...but..?

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  • No, dude. I'm the same way. Don't worry about it. Some people need to be in a relationship, some don't. I've been on 2 dates in my life, and I honestly would have been happier if I didn't go on either. I like being single. I like the freedom, the independence, the ability to do what I want, when I want. I'm just happier by myself, at least for now. Now, society may say that you should be dating non-stop, but if you honestly care about that ... well, I don't know what to tell you. Just do whatever makes you happiest.

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  • Girls and guys have, from time to time, asked me "How are you still single?"

    I tell I just don't have that desire or feeling yet. And it's not weird.

    Oh, GaG recommended this question to me. And since it's been 10 months or so, have your feelings changed about this matter?

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  • There is nothing wrong with you! Some people need to have a girlfriend/boyfriend some people don't!

    I'm 21 and I feel the same way.

    I want to be 'complete' before I go out into the dating world

    It's great that you don't 'need' anyone right now

    In my opinion I think its bad your friend couldn't take it anymore and needed someone.

    I'd rather be single till I was 40 and marry someone not because I needed them but because I want them to be by my side then do what she did

    A marriage isn't about needing someone

    It's a companionship

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  • The need for companionship is a complex thing we all share, in varying degrees. You're probably fulfilling some of these needs with something else. No problem there.

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  • who cares if its weird! Just do your own thing.

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  • no. that's a good thing. Too many people have a need to be with someone

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  • nope. I personally would rather work on saving up for a house first before finding a girl but if one happens to come in my life I won't be turning them down or anything.

    I've had a few girl friends two or three serious ones but I never feel like I NEED a girl friend when I'm single.

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    • yeah, if one comes along then great, but it's not like I feel I "need" one. In other words, I'm not actively searching for one.

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