How highly unusual is it to be 21-years-old and with no romantic relationship history?

I feel like everyone I grew up around first got laid at 12 and drunk at 13. I've never been drunk -- buzzed a few times. That's all I have interest in. -- and never had a 'real' girlfriend or even kissed.

I also haven't been approached by a girl since third grade. Chick magnet, I know.

I don't think I'm great looking, so it's not intimidation, but I'm fairly certain I'm not unattractive, so I don't think it's that either. I shower daily, I brush my teeth, I'm told -- point blank and by laughs -- that I'm funny, even when I'm trying not to me.

Esplain this to me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't feel weird or bad that you never got drunk! Ending the night with your head above the toilet isn't a great way of finishing your night. Also finding pictures or hearing stories of what you did the other night without you remembering it isn't that fun as well. The only thing that could be fun on getting drunk is that some people don't really care about what others think of them and they'll start doing what they wanna do and be themselves or how they wanna be.

    Other people start being annoying, rude and a pain in the ass.

    The other thing, about your dating history. Some people are lucky that they found a good guy/girl that they match with and have a future with. But would you really wanna be dating the same person for your entire teenage years? I think that's not such a good idea. I'm not saying it's bad for everyone, but some people who did that start to think when they're around 22 that they've only been with one person, they never knew how the single life is, how other girls are, ... A lot of teenage romances end, but a lot of them work too, depends on the person. But I'm not a fan of teenage/liferomances.

    Another thing about that, would you be more happier with none experience or with having a dating history that you dated someone, got together for a couple of months, turned out she was a bitch, single, back to dating a couple of months, broke up again, single, dating, single, ... you get the drift. When you never had your heart broken, you don't start a relationship with the though: well this might be another girl that leaves me and who makes me feel worse than when we started dating.

    But all of this is just my opinion.

    You're still young! Go out, have fun, meet people, enjoy it while you can!

    When the right girl comes along, you'll have the confidence to talk to her. Maybe weird, maybe not, but I believe in fate. When it's meant to be, it'll happen.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Its not common, but it happens. I had no romantic relationship history at all either (24) till about a month ago I started into one (yay!). But up till very recently I had all the exact same complaints: people think I'm funny, I don't think I'm intimidatingly attractive nor repulsive, friendly, intelligent, clean, and no one showing any remote interest, ever.

    No one ever made any sense of it either. Friends tried. And of course all the things my boyfriend says he likes about me are just those things: funny, smart, awesome, etc. that I was starting to wonder why on easrth no one ever seemed to like me for.

    Life is weird.

    It'll work out for you eventually.

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  • You're not alone, dude. And nothing's wrong with that. It has nothing to do with how you look - I know people who are not exactly super model types who have plenty of success romantically. I guess you kind of have to put yourself out there, especially because you're the guy. Just be flirtatious and fun, be yourself and smile. You're bound to captivate someone out there.

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  • I wish I could explain, I'm like the girl version of you...I've only gotten buzzed because I don't want to get drunk, I've never had a boyfriend or even kissed...I don't get approached by guys...I don't think I'm the best looking, but I'm certainly not ugly...I even get told that I should be a comedian

    well, this is kind of weird...

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  • i think you're really cute. I'd love to be with a guy that isn't a man whore with a sexual history of losing it at 12 or the party boy type. I've been buzzed many times but not crazy enough to lose contorl and get drunk. don't worry too much about it:) I know plenty of girls that are older than you and still virgins iwthout a first kiss. they say it's embarrassing, I think it's amazing. it's hard to find people like that now a days.

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  • I'd rather live alone, unmarried, and virgin for the rest of my life than waste it on someone who didn't care and appreciate me.

    You may think I am over-reacting but believe it or not, I could do it.

    I haven't dated a soul in my life, never kissed, never drank, smoke, nothing.

    I don't even drink coffee, personally I find it disgusting. I don't plan on drinking alcohol when I am the legal age, it is toxic to the body and you end up throwing it up anyway.

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    • Actually, drinking a beer a day can prolong your life. Alcohol is a natural antibiotic. Wheat/barley and all of that in beer is -- common sense here -- GOOD for you. The only time beer is bad for you is when you have 5 at a time.

    • Okay, thanks for clearing that up for me. I heard certain wine.. I think red wine is good for the heart or something like that.

    • Pretty much everything's good for you in moderation ... no matter how bad people make everything out to be. The only thing I can think of that's never really good for you would be cigarettes. And I guess a good number of illegal drugs.

      But youuuu're welcome.

  • Be mine? XD

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  • What? Haha you are most definitely attractive! I guess things will just happen as they will, as life goes. Plus I think it's smart that you weren't like all your friends in that way.

    Just put yourself put there, and life will happen :)

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  • Not as unusual as being 26, virgin in every way possible with no relationship history. And I'm pretty good looking.

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  • Home school screwed up my social life .im 22 and I'm just like you ,never had a boyfriend never kissed a guy never anything. But I'm extremely educated ,so I guess that makes up for it :)

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  • Id say you just haven't met the person that you are truly interested in. If a girl likes you, she may be to shy to tell you because everyone loves a funny man. I know I do. It the easiest way to talk to people and feel comfortable but your not in a rush to have a relationship it seem. Which is good. People rush to have one or don't take their time and always seem to have a significant other usually have relationships that don't last.

    Girls may be intimidated by you. I never had guys rushing to me at in middle or high school unless they were older and thought I was 20+. I found out quite some people liked me and were afraid to tell me and these were people I talked to all the time in school.

    From your pic, you seem to be very cute so I know its nothing to do with your looks. I've also noticed this with women and men, the bold ones that approach you often want relations and the ones that don't and are shy want relationships. I guess long term is desired but scary to approach and to just have a one night stand or to talk to some one you know you don't plan on seeing beyond a week is easier to attempt.

    Believe it or not my history was like urs LoL

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  • Honestly I think it just happens that way because it can. No real reason for it. You're definitely cute (imo). I didn't have my first boyfriend till this year (I'm 20). Maybe you need to put yourself out there more.

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    • I put myself out there ... ENOUGH. I do it in a way that isn't whipping my wang out in public. Unless that's what I'm supposed to do.

    • Haha yeah definitely don't. Well it's like I said, sometimes it just happens. I used to think I was so odd for it, and then I discovered a lot of people are or were in the same case. It's a lot more common than people think, it's not the majority, but certaintly not a rarity. I wouldn't sweat it much.

What Guys Said 15

  • ha ha dude..! I'm also just like you , never had any girlfriend nor kissed any girl , although people tell me I'm looking attractive, I don't believe so.

    Guys are more visual and Girls see how you care for them and confidence(less visual,more emotional).

    so even though you're good looking and you put yourself out but have no confidence then , chances are less that any girl would attract towards you .

    and yeah I also admit that , if I had girlfriends like some player guys have and got laid , I wouldn't be in my Medical Profession right now , oh I'm a medical student by the way :)

    so don't ever be a player bro.

    EDUCATION makes you a way lot more sexier than any other things which those guys doesn't have .

    ;D

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  • You'll be fine. I just turned 24 and up until last September I hadn't done anything with any girls. It sucked and I thought I was some anomoly. Just like you, nearly everyone I knew started out early and I was a late bloomer for everything. Didn't start drinking until I was 18 and I couldn't really get girls to notice me to save my life. What changed for me you ask? I started to take more control and pursued girls more. I leapt into situations I would typically have run from. If you want a relationship, you have to be proactive. See a girl you want, approach. It doesn't have to be some random you see on the street. But that's what it all comes down to. Guys around you that are pulling girls are not sitting around. They're being proactive - through initiating and progressing things. I really doubt girls are just throwing themselves at them (but that'll always be the dream, eh). I'm sure there have been, and are, plenty of opportunities for you that you just didn't/don't know how to capitalize on. Keep a postive attitude and good things will happen, but be proactive.

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  • I don't think it's as unusual as you think, however the clock is ticking my man.

    It's not as difficult as you think. Here's what you gotta do, go out and chat with girls...and fail, I'm talking fall flat on your ass failure. Do so bad your face gets red. Then do it again and again and again. I promise you, promise, if you put in a decent and honest effort you'll get better.

    Don't be afraid of failure, embrace it, LEARN from it. Every single thing you do in life is practice. Talking, tying your shoes, riding a bike, algebra, talking to girls. All of it is only done by practice.

    Get your self out of your own way and talk to them, results be damned. As the saying goes "free your mind and your ass will follow"

    Don't overthink it, you just gotta do it. Talk to a new girl each day, don't worry about getting her number or a date or a kiss or even if she has a boyfriend just talk to her for practice and then do it to another girl every day after that.

    It's all about character grasshopper

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  • your fine bro, I am in the same boat as you, except that I am a year younger then you, I am probably still in a worse position, and if that profile picture is you then you don't have to worry, key is to find the right girl, don't rush things and kick-start small conversations with people I think you'll be fine, approached by a girl in grade 3? I never been approached! lol plus I think girls like it when a guy is funny even though if you are trying to be serious yeah I think you'll be fine man :)

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  • I'm a year younger but I'm in the same boat as you. Well I've certainly been drunk before, too drunk. I'm also not funny, well at least not in front of girls, I can't every think of sh*t to say when they're around.

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  • Its not awkward or creepy to smooth up on some lady, provided you do it with tact and have an opener. Granted not all responses are the same (some are whackjobs). Google: "How to approach women", "Starting conversations with women", etc. I wish I had all the resources of today back when I was 20, then maybe I wouldn't be a 41 year old virgin just getting my sh*t together.

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    • I'm well on my way to joining that party.

      I'm more worried about one of my friends than me though. He's the most socially awkward guy I've ever met ... I'd be thoroughly shocked if managed to ever get a girlfriend. Though more surprising things have happened.

  • It happens I'm 28 and had one girlfriend in high school that lasted 4 months. I am also above average in terms of looks and way above average in terms of intelligence, although I am really not much of a people person. Don't expect women to approach you either, because they wont. Even if they are in love with you, they still expect you to do all the work and "rescue" them.

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  • When you see a lady you are interested in, you do what exactly? Details, please. Maybe we can pinpoint your trouble.

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    • I don't often approach girls because I feel it's awkward to just creep up on chicks. But when I talk to girls that are friends, it's... friend talk. There's nothing I say or do that makes them cuss me out or spit on me.

  • I knew people like that too. Don't worry about it, you'll experience those things one day. I don't think it's too unusual

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  • I'm kinda in the same position, but it's because I've only ever found 3 girls interesting (nothing ever happened with them). You're probably just missing the subtle flirting the girls are doing.

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  • thats like me but I'm 19 lol

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  • I haven't and I'm 22

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  • I know that feel bro.

    same boat.

    *sympathetic fistbump*

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  • It's not as uncommon as you think.

    The media would have you believe there's always "someone for everyone" just so that hallmark can sell a few more cards and hollywood can convice people to suspend their disbelief enough to watch another trite "rom-com", but that isn't the case especially early in life when people are at their most naive in regards to finding that "perfect someone". As you get older your expectations lower to something more reasonable.

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  • Not unusual at all. But it's not as hard as most people think it is to get girls. Most people's problem is that they don't go for enough. You're going to get rejected a lot, but a few will say yes, and that's enough haha. Basically in order to raise the number of people who will say yes, you have to approach more, and get rejected more but also get more "yes"s.

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