Friends since middle school. 29 years old now. What is the deal?

We've known each other for a very long time and she claims I'm her best guy friend. We initially became friends because we were attracted to each other (in middle school her friends told me she liked me and my friends told her that I liked her). We would go to all the dances and house parties together and we would always walk together (with her linked to my arm) & we would talk about anything and everything. We'd make each other laugh and everything is all groovy. I personally would get the butterfly feeling every time I think of her (even till this day). Problem is neither of us has never made a move and I was happy with just being close friends because 1.(not to be cocky but both of us were popular with the opposite gender) and we would flirt and mess around with other ppl. And 2. The feeling I have for this girl was much different compared to any other piece of ass. (u know how high school is). Although the way we flirted with each other were different and deeper from the way we flirted with anyone else. Even though we put each other in the friend zone I would picture her being my wife. Half way through college, we lost touch. I still thought about her. After bumping into her at a mutual friends get-together 4 years ago I would tell her how I felt about her back in the days when we were kids. Her response? "i don't know what to say to that.". Well, to this day we've been hanging out ever since with her inviting me to parties or brunches at least 3 times a month. (with me never pursuing or initiating the date). But every time we would hang out (as just friends) everything is all cool until she would talk about all these dates she's been on, who's she's seeing, who she kissed, what kinda guy she's into, but me on the other hand have been just working hard and hasn't had a relationship for the past 5 years therefore telling her that I've been and stayed single for quite sometime. She knows I like her. Even as a friend why would she tell me such things knowing that it'll make me jealous and mad. Now recently she asked to come and hang out with her and the guy she's now "seeing". what's THE DEAL?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • . I know how it is to be in love with your friend, but never have it go into anything beyond friendship. From what you've written, it appears that you're feelings for her are deeper then her feelings for you. That;s one scenario. The other scenario is that people are creatures of habit. Since you two have been good friends with a flirty twist for so long, that seems to be the comfort level for her relationship with you. If that's the case, I think you need to break this cycle. You're not in middle school anymore. It sounds like she wants to continue your friendship as it was when you were kids. However, you guys are adults and many things have changed. You should tell her that you have romantic feelings for her and that if she doesn't reciprocate that she needs to let you know fair and square. It's gonna take some balls to do this because in reality its your heart on the line. The answer of ,"I don't know what to say to that" is not an acceptable answer. You need to find out how she feels about it. My guess is that she is not in love with you the way you are with her. I'm sorry to put it like that, but really ... the truth will set you free.

    You did tell her your feelings over 4 years ago and that is a long time ago. She probably thinks you got over it. Since you apparently are not, you need to let her know. If she doesn't reciprocate, I think you should let this friendship go ... itleast until you know that you're over her. If not, you'll only be stringed along as a friend .. when you want more. And that's a ticking time bomb. When one person is in love with the other, the friendship in one way or another will end in a bitter way.

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    • Youre the truth. But damn how do I risk a friendship that lasted for so long? And no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get over her. Shouldn't I just be happy that were at least friends?

    • No. Trust me, I've tried it and you'll remain miserable if you just let this continue. Itleast that's how it was for me. I had to severe the relationship for a while. You know, she's not the only one for you. If its meant to be, she'll love you back. If she doesn't ... its gonna hurt but there is another girl out there for you.

What Girls Said 4

  • Your first problem is that you literally brought up times from middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL - you are 29 years old. It would be different if you told everything that's how long you've been friends, but you can't use examples of how her friends said she liked you such a long time ago. That's not even relevant anymore.

    It seems to me that she likes you as a friend and she feels comfortable enough to tell you about the guys she's interested in or dating. Bottom line, you're in the friend zone and it's AWFULLY hard to come out of that. I don't think she's necessarily doing it to piss you off or make you jealous. Maybe she just wants to fill you in on what's going on in her life. But as you said, you've been single for 5 years. That gave you PLENTY of time for an opportunity to say something and it doesn't sound like you ever did. Maybe she is telling you about these dates to show you how desirable she can be to others since you never did anything to show her that you liked her just as much.

    If you've been friends since middle school, then you will probably just remain close friends throughout life, which is much better than nothing. Nothing is going to change unless you say something. As Albert Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." The same thing you're doing is NOT telling her how you feel recently. That is clearly not changing the situation. Maybe tell her you're uncomfortable meeting this new guy because you like her.

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  • Maybe she thinks you're better off friends

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    • Can it be possible that she's playing the jealousy game and is trying to see how I truly feel? I've been playing it cool telling her that I hope that she can find somebody that can give her anything and everything she wants.

  • She probably doesn't know how you really feel

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  • Good best answer hopefully everything works out well

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