What does it say about me that I'm still in love with a mentally unstable person?

In February, my boyfriend broke up with me and I was devastated. This is the first guy I truly fell in love with, and I fell in love with him hard. I'm still not completely over it.

The thing is, he's not completely normal. He self-diagnoses himself as a schizophrenic with an inferiority complex. He refuses to see a shrink. I also suspect he might be bipolar because he can be the most romantic and sweet man at one moment and then cursing me out for no real reason the next.

My question is: does it say something about me that my first love has mental issues? Is there something wrong with me that I can't connect on the same level with "normal" people? I've been in relationships before but I've never felt as strongly about someone and now I'm questioning why, especially as these feelings won't go away


Most Helpful Girl

  • well my first boyfriend was like this. I broke up with him last year because he wanted to break up at the end of the summer before college so I did it for him! (jerk) but we had a series of talks after that where he admitted he never loved me. he doesn't love his mom and doesn't have genuine emotions for anyone and I still loved and cried over him like a new born baby. I thought something was wrong with me too but the only thing that was my issue was my lack of self esteem and unyielding faith in him. I acted like he was a prophet or something. Just leave that situation. Trust me. I haven't found too much better but its better than being with someone who doesn't have stable emotions.

    • That sounds exactly like him. I already left the situation in February, but it still hurts and I still wonder what it means about me. I guess it *doesn't* mean that I'm crazy, just that I trusted him too much too soon and perhaps didn't have enough self-esteem. Thank you :)

    • aww your welcome! I have official conformation that I wasn't crazy either!

    • Yay! *high fives for not being crazy together*


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What Guys Said 6

  • Unfortunately, we don't get to pick whom we fall in love with. There is often little to no reason as to why we love someone, though they may have features or traits that we find attractive in others. However, feelings aside, you know logically that your boyfriend is mentally unstable and in need of counseling, at the very least, and because of this, you really should listen to your brain on this one. Despite what the movies tell us, you shouldn't always listen to your heart alone; you have a brain for a reason. Trust it as well. Just because you've never felt so strongly about someone, doesn't mean you never will. My first true love I felt very deeply about, but the feeling wasn't mutual. However, it didn't mean I couldn't love again. You can. It may take some time, but everyone is capable of loving again. The human heart has an infinite capacity to love, and love is a renewable resource. Your life, though, isn't, so don't waste time on someone who doesn't share your feelings. You found love once...you CAN find it again.

    • Thank you so much for your awesome advice :)

  • you are also possibly mentally unstable, or he is just a huge stoner and every time he lashes out on you is because he is out of marijuana, I know that always upsets me, but when you say 1st love I'm also going to go ahead and assume he is the guy you lost your virginity too, so there is a weee bit connection there that you don't want to let go of, but he sounds like a douch, so kick him to the side and go out with me babayyyy

    • He doesn't do drugs. And you sound douchier than he ever was.

    • Show All
    • I don't think the Answerer is being a douche, what he's saying is true. Him being your "first love" you feel a connection there that is hard to let go of. The first guy I was with, I stayed with him much longer than I should have, just because there was that connection. Then I dated a guy who sounds similar to the guy you're talking about, and being around him in a relationship like that, it made a connection. That's why I have a strong opinion regarding if you KNOW a person isn't someone you

    • could spend the rest of your life with, end it then, because you gain feelings & since the end of the relationship is inevitable, there will be negative consequences thanks to those feelings.

  • Unless that diagnos of his is legit by a real shrink, he can go f*** him self.

    There is nothing wrong with you unless you whant it to be. He is unpredictable and that's one of the boring pathetic reasons you are attracted to him.

    Being sweet and cursing, ain't that sexy.

  • You should seek a psychologist and get professional advice.

  • he wouldn't be bipolar, he would have borderline personality disorder. As for your feelings, I have no clue. sorry.

  • I think his inferiority complex gets in the way of his true emotions.

    He has those qualities of a very sweet person but is overcome by his insecurities as a person.

    I think that way too, it's hard to fight those kinds of demons lurking over you.

    But it's harder when you hurt somebody who really cares about you. :/

    he needs to jump that hurdle and be a 'new' man otherwise he'll be stuck in the same rut forever. Sorry if it doesn't help but you've definitely grown fond of this person. People who are very insecure can be overly defensive and easily irritated caused by their self-consciousness.

    You can try to help encourage him not to feel so negative about himself. Encourage him to not be afraid to be himself around you. and if he lashes out on you just try to calm down and try rationalize with him.

    He's just extremely fragile he needs to really learn to trust you and put more faith in himself.


What Girls Said 2

  • Im confused here. Are you saying that people with mental conditions are less deserving/capable of being loved? Im bipolar and I've been in many relationships, and so is my mother. Im just trying to understand what you're saying here.

  • Is he has schizophrenic then his moods would be up and down like that my dad is a schizophrenic and I also have a mental illness anyways back to topic it shows that you love him no matter what tho you should try to move on from him if he don't want a relationship with you you can still love him but learn to love someone else more good luck