Why is it that when a woman says she will not date a man with kids, everything is fine.

I was out with some female friends and my being single at 49 came up. I got grilled on what I was looking for in a relationship, and what I considered deal breakers.

One of the deal breakers I have, is a women with young kids or live at home children. I got an earful about this. from I had to high standards, to I was selfish.

I was having a good laugh to myself over this, as the women grilling me have all had issues with dating men with kids.

Why is it okay for a woman to not date men with kids, have high standard and not settle ( what ever that means). But when a man says he does not date women with kids, has things he wants in a female and is not going to settle for less. He is called selfish, and basically an bad Bastard?

It really is surprising to me, that there is this idea among women that after a certain age you all have kids and that I am limiting my options because I am taking out women with kids or live at home kids.

I was asking this question, not because I was having dating problems. But because I wanted to know how a woman with kids, can say she is not going to date a man with kids and this be acceptable. But when a man that does not have kids, says he does not date women with kids. He is selfish


Most Helpful Girl

  • They're just being defensive because the truth is that this generation of over sexed, promiscuous women has lead to unplanned pregnancies that usually result in single mothers. Many women want to be promiscuous and to be blunt, get lots of penis, but they don't want to get the backlash of being called a skank or of becoming less desirable to some men once they have a child.

    I completely agree with you. I don't think it's fair for a guy to have to take on a father role to the child of a woman he's dating when things may not even work out. Most females, sooner or later, will expect financial help and they'll be looking for for a father figure for their child. It's only natural. They usually feel like a**holes about choosing such a poor quality male to get impregnated by because he left their child with a bad image for a father. So it's natural for them to look for replacement father figures. It's a lot of pressure and responsibility to put on someone when that's not even their seed and I don't think it's fair. I'd be so frustrated if I was a guy and I was trying to date in this day and age with all of these single mothers.

    • Yeah, partially I think it's because when a woman is turned down because she has kids, she takes it personally, or as an attack on her kids or her poor choices that led to her predicament. In other words, they're throwing blame at you that really has nothing to do with you, but it's easier for them to blame you than it is to accept it as their own.

    • Show All
    • kereru, lol, I am far fom a dumb bitch. It's not all the girl's fault, but I see so many girls going around practically whoring themselves out in FWB and to guys they hardly know, guys who hardly take them seriously and then they get pregnant and want to play victim when the a**hole doesn't help out. Well wtf do you expect? It's not all the mother's fault but more girls need to be more responsible about spreading their legs to low quality men. If they would exercise some self control and not

    • let their p**** control them, then a ton of women wouldn't be in a situation where they're a single mother and tons of great guys are not giving them chances because of their poor choices.

Have an opinion?


Send It!

What Girls Said 7

  • I'm interrogated whenever I say I'm not interested in kids, too... It's usually done by the same type of people, people who can't fathom how someone could NOT want that responsibility and still be a decent human being :P For me it's usually condescending like, "oh, you'll change your mind" or "are you suuure that mothering instinct hasn't kicked in?"

  • No offense but you're almost 50. Many women your age who are dating are probably divorced and most people at that age do have kids. I could see if you were 20 years younger saying that but come on.. If you would not date a woman with children at home, then your window narrows down to women who were either teen moms and got them out of the house early, or women who are infertile. I don't think that you're selfish but it is a bit unrealistic and unyielding.

    • Seriously, what does my age have to do with this?

      That is interesting, that you think not wanting to date women with out kids or no kids at home is unrealistic and unyielding. There are many women with in my dating bracket, that do not have kids.

      As for a narrow window, it is no narrower than it is for guys younger finding a woman with out a kid. I used to date women with kids, as I got older I just became less willing to deal with the other things that come along with the have kids package.

  • Dunno why there is a double standard. I think everyone is entitled to date what ever kind of person they want. Just depends on where you're at in your life, I don't wanna date anyone with young children <18, don't care if they have kids living at home per say just don't want to be raising children mine or anyone else.

  • In regards to your friends basically having a double standard, ignore them. If you don't want to date someone with kids it's your choice and there isn't anything shallow, or terrible about that. The only issue I can see in it would be that a lot of women around the same age as yourself are probably divorced and have kids, which can make things extremely difficult if that's a deal breaker. I would recommend giving women with kids a chance and try to see if you can be surprised, but ultimately it's your choice and there is nothing selfish about that.

    • I have dated women with kids, and at this point in my life. I am no longer willing to put up with taking second place if I am luck, in a relationship. I am tired of the baby daddy drama, it is amazing how a woman will tell you that the kid(s) father is not around or involved in their lives. Than you get settled in the relationship, and all of a sudden the father is showing up. I am tired of getting crap not because of anything I am doing, but because of what the kid(s) father(s) did.

    • Show All
    • It is not as hard as you seem to think it is, to find women in my age range with out kids. The problem is, that women after 35 without kids seem to have the clock ticking issue going on.

    • So either way you're kinda screwed...man that sucks. I feel sad :(

  • Uhmm, maybe because some woman're still dreaming of a mighty hero taking care of all their troubles and children. I believe that if its our life, obviously we can choose what we want in our life, as long as we don't harm others. At least, the fact that you know children are not suitable for you is better than someone living their life cluelessly and later, when realising he doesn't want those children, he gives up in the end.

  • No idea,but since I have kids of my own,I wouldn't mind dating a dude with kids:)

  • I don't think it's selfish of a man to reject a woman for a relationship when she's got kids with another man, especially if those kids are still living with her. He doesn't want to feel compelled to take care of them with time or money, kids not his own.


What Guys Said 5

  • Because it's not them. I don't know if you're looking for something more complicated or what, but it's just because they're women, so they relate more to women's suffering than men's.

  • The simple fact of the matter is that when it comes to dating, people are rather apathetic towards men and protective/sympathetic of women.

    Read these:



    I'm not saying this is the NORM. I'm saying that this is the only direction it sways when it does. No one feels sorry for a guy who is single, and most people feel sorry for a girl who is single.

    It's been said, even here on a video on this site, that girls are much pickier than women, yet the primary discussion is how MEN need to change their standards and MEN need to work to meet a woman's standards.

    Ergo, a woman can make whatever demands she wishes, and a man has to meet them. But a man can't make any demands of his own, because that makes him "too picky".

    So if you won't date a woman who has kids. That's a reasonable demand. But you'll face a ton of flak, because women will talk about how unfair it is. But when a woman says SHE doesn't want a man with kids, she gets sympathy. "You're entitled to what you desire, dear."

    I try not to say this out of frustration or some sort of vendetta. But this is the conclusion I've drawn.

  • One of the most important things that I've learned in life is to recognize manipulation when you see it.

    People will argue tirelessly to turn a standard, expectation, or set of circumstances to benefit themselves.

  • Because they want a man to "step up" and take care of their kids.

    But switch it around, do they want to meet a man who is going to spend more time with his kids than with her? Heck no, they want to be the center of attention

  • The same reason why men and women are equal, but a girl will be pissed off and you'll be officially a cheapskate if you want her to split a bill. Men and women are equal, but a woman doeth though a favor by just eating your meal with you.