My boyfriend's ex won't stay out of his life & he's not doing much about it...

is it wrong of me to break up with my boyfriend of almost 9 mo because of his ex gf?

she won't get out of his life, and even an old roommate of his/good friend said today that she still keeps in contact with his family and friends just for the sake of thinking that it will somehow keep her connected to my boyfriend and that they'll get back together. his friend even questioned why my bf's parents still talk to her at all.

my bf's best friend is almost always in contact with her, and has now even brought HIS girlfriend into contact with her (even though the only reason why he knew my bf's ex was because of my bf). my bf's friend/old roommate said that was wrong, and I believe it is too, but my boyfriend just refuses to see it that way and makes excuses for it.

i found some old emails that my bf's ex sent to him a few months before we started dating and she was begging for him back. then a few days before he asked me out I found out that she had sent him emails about taking one trip to Europe and another to the Bahamas. I also found more emails from her that she sent when my boyfriend and I have been together begging him to Skype with her and hear her out about things.

as far as I know, there have been no responses on my bf's part, but what makes me most upset and hurt is that he won't stand up to his "best friend" about being in contact with her, or to his parents about it either.

it bothers me so much that she's forcing herself into his life in every way possible but he is pretty passive about it. the most he says is that he loves me and that he has NO feelings for her and doesn't talk to her at all but why does he CHOOSE to not stand up to his "friends" and parents about it?

I just feel like she's always going to be there, and never go away...and there's no room for 3 people in a 2 person relationship.

 

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • 1. "my bf's best friend is almost always in contact with her, and has now even brought HIS girlfriend into contact with her (even though the only reason why he knew my bf's ex was because of my bf)."

    The reason that they met is irrelevant, and their mutual connection to your boyfriend is irrelevant. If you become friends with someone you meet through a friend, but then they have a falling out, you don't have to stop being friends with either of them. That's not how things work.

    Your boyfriend's refusal to see things that way is correct, because that's a stupid, childish way of seeing things.

    "as far as I know, there have been no responses on my bf's part, but what makes me most upset and hurt is that he won't stand up to his "best friend" about being in contact with her, or to his parents about it either."

    Again, that's just not how things work. You don't get to tell someone else who they can and can't be friendly and cordial to. It's wrong of you to expect his best friend to stop being friends with his ex, and it's wrong of you to expect your boyfriend to tell his parents to be a**holes to her.

    "it bothers me so much that she's forcing herself into his life in every way possible but he is pretty passive about it."

    He's already said his piece to her. The best thing he can do now is ignore her, which he's doing.

    "the most he says is that he loves me and that he has NO feelings for her and doesn't talk to her at all but why does he CHOOSE to not stand up to his "friends" and parents about it?"

    Because he shouldn't need to "stand up" to his friends and parents about it. Are you getting this yet? His friend can be friends with his ex. That's OKAY. His parents can answer her phone calls and not be d***s to her. That's OKAY.

    Your obsession over this is going to accomplish absolutely nothing except prove how jealous and unreasonable you can be. Keep obsessing over it, and your relationship is going to end, either because you can't get over it, or because he can't deal with you not being able to.

What Guys Said 1

  • If you feel it's a serious enough concern I think you'd be right in your justification to breakup. You'll surely meet other people and they will hopefully not have the same potential distractions

What Girls Said 5

  • This is exactly what I'm going through with my boyfriend of over a year. I don't care anymore but his ex from Alaska does the same thing. We live in Louisiana but they met while he worked there. She met his family once and is freinds with all of them on Facebook. She is always commenting on stuff that his mom puts up. And his closest friend is his cousin and she does the same thing. She has even called his mom wanting to come here to visiting on her way to Florida. She is crazy. My boyfriend just ignored it all and it used to bother me. But that is the best thing to do with girls like that. They want attention and want to break your relationship. Your guys friend probably feels like he is in a hard place. They were once all friends so he might be trying to stay neutral.

  • Don't let this stupid girl ruin your relationship! That will only satisfy her. Make sure she knows he's yours now, she had her chance, she has nothing to do with him anymore. Ask your boyfriend to block her, or ask I you can send her an email, some guys just have hard time saying no to women. It's perfectly normal, as log as he isn't really responding, then it should be fine.

  • Well, here's the thing. It's not inherently wrong. He's allowed to have female friends.

    The problem is how much YOU trust him. Do you think they're going to end up cheating on you or getting back together? Do you feel threatened? It sounds like you do.

    If HE doesn't have a problem with her in his life, then there's a reason. Talk to him and figure it out.

    Oh, and stop snooping through his E-mails. And stop being so threatened by this girl. Once again, it's about how much you trust him. Which clearly you don't.

  • Ok well I've had guys do this to me. And I've done this to guys. Its all just who you are. Obviously if you and your boyfriend break up your not contact him. It seems he's different. I don't think he needs to stand up to his best friend about talking to her. How about you just stop being paranoid?

  • Girl if I were you I'd tell him that the situation is bothering me to the point that I feel like breaking up... sometimes you have to challenge men; sometimes they have to feel at risk of loosing what they most love in order to react...

    If he doesn't listens then you should break up... because this is not healthy for you and it's only causing stress

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