my boyfriend's best friend is someone I've lost all respect for, and who I think is a really bad influence on his life. I've met the guy, we'll call him "jack", only twice, but from those two times, and everything I know about him he's not a good guy.
reasons why "jack" isn't a good guy: he encourages my boyfriend to drink, in the past he didn't try to stop my boyfriend from making poor decisions, he stays in constant contact with my bf's ex girlfriend who was abusive to him emotionally/verbally, he puts my boyfriend down and uses his ex girlfriend as a way to put him down to manipulate my boyfriend into doing something that he ("jack") wants to do.
my boyfriend only sticks up for him, and says that he's a good guy who's always been there for him through the tough times even though "jack" talks to my boyfriend so poorly and treats him that way. I feel like "jack" isn't matured, and is keeping my boyfriend from maturing in a lot of ways because they hang out a lot, and "jack" has an influence on my boyfriend. my boyfriend has another good friend, who doesn't live as close anymore, but is mature, has his stuff together, and doesn't treat my boyfriend or talk to him the same way that "jack" talks to him. when I asked my boyfriend why this other friend isn't his best friend he said that he and "jack" have known each other longer.
to me, it's a toxic friendship and one that's bad for my boyfriend but that nobody can see but me and his parents. when I talked to my boyfriend about it he said he feels like I hate "jack" and that he feels like he has to choose between the two of us.
what can I do? why does the girlfriend always lose? how can I get him (my bf) to see that "jack" doesn't have his best interests at heart?
Most Helpful Girl
He has been there long and gone through things with him that is why. Girlfriends come and go and that's why they generally choose their bffs. In mi opinion multitudes of people come and go and some stay longer than the others and I suppose it's just a choice that people like to stay loyal to those who have been there the longest and never left especially when times are hard. It's no different when in a relationship and their SO isn't good for them.
Only they can see that for themselves and it would probably make them more reluctant to do so when they feel as though you are always down on their friend who they have known since way back when. Just because you or anyone else has a problem with their friendship doesn't mean that they personally feel that way. He probably does feel like you are forcing him because you want him to leave his friend and he also cares a lot for you which puts him in a bad place and it more than likely stresses or bothers him. If you just keep pointing out reasons to leave him it's probably only going to make him want to defend him more. It's his choice.
it's not easy to let him be around people who are bad for him but you can either tell him in a different way that doesn't seem like you are attacking him or you just let it be until he sees it for himself.0