Was I mean to this guy?

So, I had been seeing this guy (he's 42, I'm 40) casually for about two and a half months. We went out for dinners, walks, that sort of thing. He came to my place a couple of times (he never spent the night, though we "fooled around" we never went "all the way"). After about six weeks of dating, he knows my birthday is coming up. He asks me what I would like to do. I say, dinner and a show. He agrees. Meanwhile, we're still casual. I had a few dates with other guys, nothing serious. My birthday comes, we go out and it was really nice. afterward, he asks me what I want to do for Sat. and Sun. I tell him Sat. I'm going out for my Birthday with my girlfriends and Sun. I was having dinner with a friend (I actually had a date). He's disappointed but doesn't make anything of it.

At the end of the following week, we go out for a light dinner and a walk in the park afterward. He tells me that he really liked me and that he really wanted to try and make a stronger relationship i.e. be steady boyfriend & girlfriend. I'm a little caught off guard, but I tell him I need sometime to think about it. After about a week, we meet again and I tell him that I just don't have strong enough feelings and that going forward we should just be friends. He's disappointed and asks if it were something he did, I said no not at all. I just wasn't that into him. We left it at that. Later he emails me and accuses me of taking advantage of his kindness (he almost always paid for dinner) and that if I wasn't interested in him I should never have asked for such an expensive birthday gift (it was about $300. all-together) and stuff like that.

I feel a little guilty because he was really nice and sweet. I wonder if people think he's justified to think the way he does?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think.. he was very hurt and I don't fault him for thinking that way. You might have not intended it to seem that way, but to him that's what it will look like. That IS a lot of money to be spending on someone you're not "serious" with, and in a way it was kinda leading him on because you all were doing "serious" things so it seemed like the relationship was going somewhere, and then you tell him that you don't want to take it any further. Personally I think you should have kept the birthday outing to a low budget if you didn't like him all that much, and should have spent that time with someone else that you wanted more serious things with.

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What Guys Said 2

  • The guy was hurt and had to lash out if a guy is not thinking about girls he's thinking about money

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  • No, you were seeing a bunch of guys at the time. I'm not sure how he could feel that way.

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What Girls Said 0

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