Is online dating pointless for a guy unless he's perfect?

I have a profile (on okcupid) and I've messaged a bunch of girls that I genuinely found interesting, and they haven't responded. Not a single one. I thought they were all within my "league" too... so Idk

It shows that they've checked/viewed my page but nothing else

So is online dating pointless for a guy if he's not the perfect prince charming stereotype?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I met my boyfriend on match.com and we're both pretty average. I have another friend who met her husband on there and they are both a bit "below average" lookswise, but otherwise pretty great people. I also see very attractive men and women on there. I think people on paid sites are more likely to actually be looking for someone to date instead of "just playing."

    That being said, not everyone will be into you. Guys have an imagination that every girl has tons of hot guys lining up to be with her on dating sites, but I tried starting conversations with lots of guys just to see where it went. Some replied back and some didn't.

    Also, make sure that your profile actually has some info about you and you are searching for good matches. Guys who simply say, "Hey I noticed that I thought you were hot." don't do as well as guys who put up a thoughtful, honest profile and really look for a girl who is a good fit -- not just who they think would be the best looking. For instance, a really cute guy wanted to date me, but he was only into riding motorcycles and going to demo derbies, etc ... and my profile was all about museums and literature. Worth a shot, but I could tell he hadn't read anything I'd written. If you DO go in with the attitude that you'll ask out anyone who fits your looks preferences, but not pay attention to anything else, just be aware that you'll strike out more and then be prepared for it. Neither way is wrong, but being prepared for more rejection with that method is necessary to not burning yourself out.

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    • I noticed that you put that writing 4-6 sentences to her is "too much work." I think that's your problem. Dating IS work. You can't just choose which girls you like out of a catalog and they land in your lap and girls can't do that with guys, either. It's not about making her feel special, it's about making it look like you're actually looking to meet someone, not just to try to sleep with the first 15 "tall blondes" (or whatever your type is) that you come across...

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    • It might not be, but don't take yourself out of the dating ballgame (anywhere) by not trying very hard. It's like saying you don't want to study for a test because you'll never pass it anyway.

    • hey there's only so many times a guy can try before getting the message..

What Girls Said 11

  • Sometimes, because when it comes to dating, we first notice them through physical appearance. But if Their will be a constant communication between, their will be a possibility that online lovers will be develop. But in your case, that's normal. Some will reject/ ignore you because lots of guys are leaving a message the same as yours. So if you want to be noticed, make a unique message. A message that will be appealing to girls and of course not showing any lustfully desire. Even if your not perfect or prince charming type, you will be noticed. Don't rush, just go on. No one knows that your leaving a message to lots of girls online anyway, just only you :)

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  • Well your pic with the shades looks pretty nice but I didn't look at your profile or anything because I'm too lazy. :) I wouldn't stress about it. There's no such thing as prince charming and if you think these girls who view your profile are looking for that then be thankful your not contacted by them because they'd most likely be airheads...and high maintenance.*shudders*

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  • Hey there:

    Funny I feel the same way about men on that site...like they are looking for perfect. Anyways, if you are just sending a message asking them their name they may feel like you are doing this as a mass mailing (because it is impersonal). A better approach is to ask them about something they wrote in their profile. this is more likely to elicit a response. Online dating really sucks. I gave up tonight...too many weirdos

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    • I don't wear glasses in those pics

      also I don't know their name... so that's the logical first question to get to know them better isn't it?

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    • I said I was one of many if it was a generic question. I'm probably still one of many if he reads the profile and asks specific question but at least he put some effort into it. You asked a question and I was giving you my perspective. I am sorry if you didn't like it

    • apology accepted...

      Im jking, relax

  • also if you wear sunglasses in your profile pic it is assumed your trying to hide from someone like a wife or girlfriend finding out your on the site

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  • you should probably highlight interesting things about you

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  • From my experience with online dating, it is worth it, but it is difficult - just like approaching people in real life is difficult. On our side, we have to deal with a lot of guys that are honestly just looking for sex or who knows what. On your side, there are plenty of pitfalls I'm sure (girls looking for free meals or free movies or whatever else you find to be a problem).

    So, the screening process starts quickly. Some people respond to all messages, some people don't bother if they don't see a point in responding. These are quick decisions and I've been online and done both, responding to all, even if its a "thanks, but no thanks" response and I've screened in the past.

    I think the bottom line is, is that online dating isn't too much different than the real world. It just won't work most of the people you meet. In my experience I've been with my current boyfriend for well over a year. We talked briefly online, met quickly afterward (for an hour or so) at the mall, exchanged phone numbers and its progressed from there...slowly I might add. Basically, we're still learning a lot about each other, even though we've known each other for over a year and a half...

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  • The one anonymous girl that told you to ask questions on the first message was on the right track I think, but I do think that it's kind of lengthy and overwhelming. You said you've asked for their names. Why not ask one question as well as their name? You said you found these girls interesting - why? Tell her why she seems interesting to you. "Hey, you seem really cool and I see that you're into ______; so am I! What's your name?" Something like that?

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  • you act as if REALLY trying with the girls on the website is beneath you. You also believe in levels, which not everybody does. Those are a couple of things that will hamstring you. These ideas come out in your communications and your profile. Also you say you don't have time to be social IRL. Sounds to me like you want a ready made wife/gf. Maybe you should get an arranged marriage. No offense, but with your attitude about it all, that might just be a better fit for you.

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    • wtf? lol I'm not acting as if I'm above them, why are all the anonymous girls (probably the same one) busting my balls on this?

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    • Okay.

    • I have a feeling you have more than "Okay" to say but alright

  • No it's not pointless mabey they just haven't checked there messages yet mabey try another dating site if your gonna message them say lots of possitive things about yourself and compliment them on how attractive you think they are don't come across as a sleeze bag no you don't have to be the perfect prince charming sterotype because not in every case sometimes it's not even them in the picture it could be someone eles you just don't know over the internet there's lots of other dating sites try some others see if you get anywhere good luck :)

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  • I've used OKCupid in the past. I've messaged guys and I've responded to guys who messaged me. I've added guys to instant messenger and got to know them better, and I've met some guys in person.

    I'm not interested in the "perfect prince charming stereotype". I tend to prefer nerdy guys.

    Basically, this how I did things when a guy messaged me:

    1. Read his message. If it was impersonal (seemed like he just mass-messaged girls), disrespectful ("hey baby, you look so fyne. you wanna hook up sumtime?"), no effort/poor spelling/grammar, etc. I moved on. If he seemed interesting, genuine, and respectful, then I'd...

    2. Look at his profile. Pictures - do I find him attractive? (Doesn't have to be a 10, but I want to at least find him cute). Profile - Does he seem interesting? Does he seem like we might be somewhat compatible? Does he seem like a real/genuine person (actually put some effort into his profile, gives some information about himself that isn't just generic)?

    3. Message him back; answer any questions he asked me and ask him some things about himself.

    4. After a few messages, I give him my instant messenger contact info so we can chat in real time and get to know each other better. Go on webcam to see if he is who he says he is.

    5. If I'm still interested and he doesn't end up being a douchebag, then I'll ask him on a date/agree to a date.

    Keep in mind that:

    a) you're probably not the only guy who is messaging these girls and some girls get a lot of messages.

    b) not every girl you message is going to be actively looking for date. Some just "dabble" around with the site without any real intentions.

    c) you might not be her type (and not because you aren't "the perfect prince charming stereotype").

    d) even if a girl does message you back, it doesn't necessarily mean it will lead to a date.

    You might find it to be pointless, but there are guys who find dates using dating websites, it just doesn't always come as easily as they seem to expect it to.

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    • wtf am I supposed to say to a girl on the first message other than "hey, I'm ____, what's your name? I found your profile interesting"

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    • Yeah, both online dating and in-person dating is hard when you're not willing to put any effort into it. ;)

    • no point in putting so much effort into someone you haven't even seen in person

  • no online dating is like potluck . it is hard though because it is difficult to represent yourself through writing

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What Guys Said 10

  • I've met a few very intriguing woman online.

    My advice: You won't with a picture of you in those sunglasses.

    If you're not charming in person, there's no chance of it online.

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    • I don't have pictures of me in sunglasses on there, this isn't a dating site incase you were wondering so I don't know why you make reference to my picture on here

  • some of those women on that online dating site use it as a comfort zone. They want to feel like they are wanted so they could feel better about them selfs. They are either doing that or either your just not an attractive guy cause I mean its crazy if all those women never reply

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  • So girls in your "league" are what? Bland looking and somewhat chunky? I'm so glad I don't buy into the whole "league" mentality, I just smooth up on ANY lady I want to, especially "10"s.

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    • no, they look in my league, I'm not their idea of 10 so I can't go after that

      and I'm sure you get those 10s too /sarcasm

  • Yup, it sucks ass.

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  • Why do you believe there are "leagues"?

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  • Don't go on Zoosk. It's a f***ing fraud.

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  • Yes you're absolutely right. It's a pointless and completely inefficient method of finding a date. because everyone just weeds out people based on all the information you give because they offer so many boxes to be placed in. You're better off putting you name and phone number in a bottle and tossing it in the ocean.

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  • i would definetley imagine so

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  • Any decent looking girl that seems real gets 50 messages a day so you have a bad chance at using that site.

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  • Don't use okcupid.

    that site is horrid! I've had one before and nobody ever talks or responds.

    It's a bad website. I suggest turn away from the website and just develop better social skills in person.

    You don't have to be perfect but mind you most you'll meet will be prissy about something. Mostly about looks.

    I don't mean to disappoint you or anything. It's just I've been in that rut before. I recommend you not to worry too much about it.

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