Am I Being "Played?"

My grammar/punctuation is horrible, I'm rambling and typing my thoughts as they come...

To set up the preface: My (now x) girlfriend likes the band chevelle. Her good guy friend from home like 'em too, so they set up to go to this concert. It's a 5.5hr drive for him to here than another 1.5 to the venue.

Last Saturday (7/28) the girlfriend and I split after about a month after she expressed that she wasn't happy with a lot. This was after a weekend home on her own, she says its what her parents talked to her about that sparked her displeasure with where our relationship was heading. downside: we are still living in the same apartment

So that following Tuesday night (7/31) her guy friend drives into town and they meet at his hotel downtown and travel to the concert. He gets her drunk and she had to let him drive home.

Today (8/1) I called her out more so on the fact that this visit from her guy friend is bugging me. and said basically if I was in his shoes and drove almost 6 hours and spent a ton of money on hotel/food/drinks I'd expect something. And I think he's the friend zoned guy that you had sex with a while ago looking for his next in. she basically said that I have trust issues. and makes me out to be the a**hole of the situation.

Tonight: She went to dinner with him (dressed up really nice) then brought him back here so she could drop off her leftovers. They are going out drinking downtown and then staying at his hotel. She says it has two queen bed, but she didn't take any pj/sleep shirt type stuff she normally sleeps in.

She says that she loves and cares for me and doesn't want to lose me. But she needs time to think for herself/not have to make sure someone else is always happy. She claims she gives and I take, without reciprocating fairly.

Can she really be friends with this guy, get hammered, share a hotel room (supposedly with separate beds) and expect me to "trust" her. Or am I right to be wary of their past and question her motives in this situation.

Updates:
Last Saturday (7/28) the girlfriend and I split after about a month (of "working on things" we dated for about 2 years) after she expressed that she wasn't happy with a lot. This was after a weekend home on her own, she says its what her parents talked to her about that sparked her displeasure with where our relationship was heading. downside: we are still living in the same apartment

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She might not be cheating, but she IS being inconsiderate. She didn't pull her unhappiness with the relationship out of thin air -- she's likely been thinking about it for a while now. Sounds like she isn't doing much at this moment to try to keep it healthy. She seems to feel that she she has given a lot in the relationship trying to make you happy...according to what you say. Now, it sounds like she has just stopped trying. Sounds like your problems aren't just hinged on this one incident, but on a multitude of things that would need to be resolved.

    You can't guarantee anything, though, because girls don't necessarily think in the terms guys to about "owing" someone sex. It's pretty sh*tty of her to have a guy pay for everything, but that doesn't equate that she is sleeping with the dude or not sleeping with the dude, really. I know that a guy wants to focus on sex as the primary benchmark of most all interaction with females, but your relationship is in trouble right now whether or not she is screwing this guy, from what you say.

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    • Thnk you for the third party female opinion. Our relationship is messed up right now, I don't want to f*** it up more because of stupid jealousy.

    • She's being very selfish to not consider your feelings in this, perhaps a rebellion against whatever feelings she has about your relationship. Some serious discussion might be in order...

What Girls Said 1

  • Technically.. yer broken up... so even if she's shagging the entire hotel... it is not cheating.

    Not cool.. but not cheating.

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    • we haven't used the term broken up. she likes to say separated. because she wanted time off from relationships to find herself. she explicitly mentioned that she was worried I'd run off and f*** a random to spite her. then we discussed how if something goes on between us and someone else the working on it phase is done. so if she is shagging, she's a hypocrite and is technically still cheating.

    • The why did you call her your ex?

      Why did you say you split?

What Guys Said 1

  • Personally, I have jealousy and trust issues so my first reaction would be to kick her out immidietly. Even if she says it is just friends I feel her disrespect is far worse.

    But that wouldn't solve much. Trying to get past my jealousy I would just take the heart break and try to just silence my ego and do my own thing as normal. If she is getting drunk and banging a dude behind my back I would just let her go, she is not the type of girl I really want anyway.

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    • If she really is bumping uglies behind my back...I'm gone, can easily get a job back home.

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