Girls, is it common to go back and forward with the guy you are "dating"?

I have a friend who can go from "I am unhappy and want to leave him" to "I love him and we are doing good" I think the relationship is a train wreck and she has plenty of reasons to leave. But I also think I am biased.

Being as unbiased as possible, I think he makes a lot of mistakes (including hanging out with a friends with benefits whom she was REALLY uncomfortable with and lying about stopping) and she tends to be kind of uptight and she is closeted with anything that has to do with sex.

So I see both sides have issues, (I see his more considering she tells me, and I don't talk to him). And I can say its normal to have issues, so is it normal to go back and forward like this?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's very normal. Unhealthy. But normal. Girls tend to stay with men they've invested a great deal of time into. Even when she knows the relationship is no good, girls are often in hopes to the belief their male mate will change. Unfortunately it rarely occurs.

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    • So as the friend who she turns to in the bad times... what should I do?

    • Ditto CourtneyShae615. Normal, unhealthy, hope for change - all of it.

      As the friend (who is also carrying a torch for her), you're SOL. The friend always hears about the stuff the bad boyfriend does, but can do nothing about it because the girlfriend won't listen...she's too invested. It simply has to come to a point where she hurts so much SHE can't take it anymore.

    • Be there for her the best you can. Just be a friend. Don't kill yourself trying to save her, but be there for her when she needs you.

What Girls Said 3

  • Hi there, you are actually right on boith counts lol. Yes there are relationships where women can go from one extreme to another AND yes your instincts are probably also correct that this is not the best relationship for her. Majority of the time if a woman ever has to contemplate leaving a man she's probably right. Other factors start to creep in like not wanting to be alone, not wanting it to end, the relationship ending being perceived as a failure, not thinking she can do better and many other reasons one of which could be that she loves him as a person even though he's not right for her which could also add some confusion. All you can do is be her friend as long as there is no abuse involved. Wish you and your friend well.

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  • Not for me. When a relationship goes downhill, it crashes and burns no matter how understanding/giving/empathetic I am for him. It's just doomed.

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  • I think if people have issues like that, there is no way they can go the rest of their lives dealing with that. Therefore, there isn't a purpose for them to be together now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • There are always two sides to things. You shouldn't give any strong advice to her since you do not know about the boyfriend's side. People have a tendency to present things to their friends a little differently than what the actual case is to pull people in their favor and hear the things that will make them feel... correct and the winner.

    If I were you, just try to get her mind off of things and try to give advice along the lines to them talking things out. Outside involvement in relationship fights always causes problems. If they fix things and live happily ever after, you'll end up like an idiot if you gave bad advice.

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  • Yeah in any relationship or marriage its normal for one partner to go hot and cold as well as the other...its a common dynamic.

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