Have you ever dated a sociopath and were left in shambles?

I dated this sociopathic girl on and off for the last 3 years...she was cunning and manipulative..despite the horrible sh*t she did to me I would always take her back. She didn't honestly care about me...but was so convincing at the time that she did. I am wondering if any of you were left feeling no closure from an abusive relationship with a sociopath. I feel no closure.. I just didn't understand how she could pretend she loved me and then just turn away and be with someone else without a care in the world. It makes me feel helpless that there is no justice for this kind of behavior or closure.

*Sociopath Profile*

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning

Grandiose Sense of Self

Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying

Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt

Shallow Emotions

When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive.

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation

Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature

Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency

Irresponsibility/Unreliability

Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle

Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility

Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I recently got out of a quasi relationship with someone similar. We dated back in Nov and early Dec but then we had some problems. Didn't see him all of Jan, then started hanging out again Feb-May. During those last 4 months we weren't dating or having sex but we were extremely intimate emotionally & physically (in a nonsexual way). He said he loved me, I was his best friend, he depended on me and I believed him.

    However, all along there was a much younger girl he was interested in. They became a couple mid-Feb but I didn't learn of that until late Mar. I tried to pull back on the physical affection stuff because of this but it didn't last. She lived far away & was very busy so they rarely saw each other (bout 1x month). I, on the other hand, was there 3-4 nights/wk. We both enjoyed our closeness and the affection so much it was hard to resist. And he kept saying there was nothing wrong with it, I stupidly believed him again. But at the beginning of May, the girlfriend gave him her virginity and yet he continued with me. He hid my stuff from her, refused to tell her I was there all the time, even let her take a painting I did w/o telling her he didn't paint it - she basically knew nothing of me.

    By the end of May I couldn't take it anymore. I gave back his key, and saw him one last time the night I got laid off from my job. At that point I was willing to remain friends but since I told him we could not continue the affection stuff I was never asked to come back. The next couple of weeks he showed no concern for me being out of work, and was very lax about returning text msgs. Finally I sent a message saying it was time to exile him from my life. But I felt bad the next day and for the next several weeks sent both texts & emails - all with no response from him. When I eventually got through to him over the phone last week he claimed I abandoned him & that I was the bad guy. His coldness & anger was such a shock.

    I've spent the past 2 months going over everything and have realized the majority of things he said were lies or half truths. And he said what he did all to serve his agenda of getting attention from me. He did the same with the girlfriend - to get her to have sex with him. He made excuses & justifications constantly for immoral behavior that eventually I couldn't buy anymore. And to top it off he's an alcoholic. I realized he drinks to drown his conscience because deep down on some level he knows he's a sh*t.

    I've never personally known anyone like this so it was very difficult to accept but when proof kept piling up I couldn't ignore it any longer. How good he has become at manipulation is scary, he's very smart & knows very well what women want to hear from men, but his words are all so empty. But the truth is he wouldn't have succeeded with me if I didn't have my own self-esteem issues. Having experienced this with him I'm now focused on working on me. Learning self respect & self love.

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    • I have low self esteem as well. Dating a sociopath certainly didn't help. I was totally convinced I was just that worthless of a person.. How else could she of did what she did to me? That was my reasoning...I know realize that's not true at all. I take it a day at a time, I still reflect on what happened. In retrospect I am finally seeing the situation for what it was.

    • Not having a strong sense of self does make us easier to manipulate to some degree. But it isn't all our fault by a long shot. People like our ex's don't have much of a conscience or none at all. That is NOT our fault. If anything, we're guilty of believing the good in people, which isn't a bad thing. But it makes it hard for us to believe people are capable of doing what they've done. The proof is in the pudding though. Try meditating to heal your heart, it helps.

What Girls Said 10

  • I dated a guy with BPD it has some similar qualities. But yes I felt the same thing though I was the one who ended it. The somewhat vicious texts I sent made me feel slightly better but the lies just confounded me for a while.

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  • I have had many friends that lied, had no plans for the future, copy cated me ect. I cut the loose I felt relief when I did it, sometimes I miss the good times I has with some of them but I'm happy without the crap.

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  • No I usually avoid them as friends

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  • Um I had a sociopath friend and omg it was like problems that come out of nowhere and never end, glad we're not close anymore

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  • No I haven't and I'm glad

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  • Yes and it took some time but I got my sense of self back.

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  • I can relate. The first guy I ever had real feelings for was the most manipulative person I have ever met. I was a virgin, and he kept telling me he wanted to be my first, and would pressure the hell out of me to have sex with him, but thank god I didn't give in - I realized this was the right choice after I met my current boyfriend and he never pressured me, - I had sex with him because I wanted to, on my own terms.

    My ex was consistently lying about absolutely everything. We dated a few months - then I kicked his ass to the curb after one night when he got really angry at me for not sleeping with him, and told me "You're just a sexual object to me anyways - guys don't actually have feelings for girls." I couldn't believe he said that, and then he had the nerve to tell me that I should be "flattered" by the comment because it means I am attractive. Needless to say, I ended things.

    It was about a month after our breakup that he broke up with his OTHER girlfriend that he had been seeing for a year! The whole time he dated me, he was with her at the same time and I had no idea.

    Sociopaths should never be allowed to date anyone, except they are so damn good at manipulating people that they suck you in and you are stuck. I'm sorry to hear you dated someone with the same manipulative qualities! But I assure you, there are good ones out there :)

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    • I know there are. This girl was my FIRST love, unfortunately. It's more unfortunate that these people even walk amongst us. Trust me girls aren't sex objects. Not to the guys that have the capacity to love. That is just a dim stereotype. It drove me crazy for so long after we slit how she could of committed such horrendous acts against me without feeling guilty. Once I read about Sociopathy I just knew that had to be the answer. Suddenly everything made sense.

  • No I totally can't relate but sorry to hear that

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  • its one thing to initially meet someone who is sociopathic and you don't know it. its quite another to stay with someone like that. Then it moves into the realm that maybe you might have some psychological issues as well. No offense, but healthy people tend to head for the exits. Why don't we look at those characteristics you listed and then name the extreme opposite of them. You will find in that a character profile of a certain kind of person who is psychologically drawn to sociopathic individuals.

    i will bet dollars to donuts you've dated this kind of girl before. It may not be to this degree, but certainly you've been with a similar girl. people who date such personalities have a deflated sense of self, sexual and emotional repression and tend to exercise many of those internal longings with a "wilder" self that the sociopath draws out of them.

    no offence in tended... but think about it.

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    • I don't disagree with you. I do have low self esteem. She tends to go after guys with high social standings though.. I'm far from that.

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    • from your description, she's sadistic. you're masochistic. you had a sado-masochistic relationship.

      everyone has these parts in their personality, to some extent when it reaches extremes, you fall under pathological category.

    • I never took pleasure in feeling hurt... it just always happened. I took her back because I loved her.

  • same guy chased me for 4-5 years... as soon as I dated him he turned around and said he was just using me and it was revenge for not liking him earlier... and after that didn't seem to care about the friendship at all.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Been there done that & I'll do my best to never let it happen again.

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