Should I be expected to pay for a girl on a date? (read description)

So I asked a girl out to the movies(expecting a cheap little date) and then she came back and said lets go to a gold class cinema (an upgrade from the regular, has recliner chairs etc much more comfortable, waiters and sh*t I think basically much more expensive). And well I didn't want to sound cheap so I said yeah lets do it. I work and she's still in school so I don't think she has much money and I think she kind of sees me as being rich because I work (im trying to save for a deposit for an apartment I need all the money I can save which I have explained before to her). But yeah I can just see myself having to end up paying for her. Is it rude of me to make her pay her own way? I feel really bad if she can't enjoy the full experience and I know ill have to offer to pay for her just because its something every man should do

Updates:
yeah so I'm pretty sure these tiks sellout and you gotta book them in advance, and well she doesn't know that, so I'm thinking of playing dumb and on the day ill be like "oh shiiit just read the tickets sellout fast we were suppose to buy them online sorry we'll just see a normal movie hehehetehe"

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Most Helpful Girl

  • DO NOT MAKE HER PAY HER OWN WAY! Lol I'm all for 50/50 in a relationship and a firm believer in a girl paying too but I strongly think the one that asks is the one that pays lol most girls will offer to pay their own anyway... And for a first date its like saying I like you but only enough to take you to a cheap movie... I would just tell her you are trying to save money and can't afford a place like that right now but still would really like to treat her because you like her that way she knows that its not her its just your situation... Most would be flattered by that and pick a cheaper place... I know I would... And if not then maybe she's not the kinda girl you wanna get into anything with lol

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    • " I'm all for 50/50 in a relationship and a firm believer in a girl paying too but I strongly think the one that asks is the one that pays" - Yes, he did ask her for a date, but she's the one that asked to go to an expensive theater, so, by how you stand with whoever ask does the paying...they should pay for themselves.

      The problem with whoever ask does the paying is... what is the ratio of men asking a girl vs a girl asking a guy?

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    • I've asked guys out before... But girls are chickens so 9 out of 10 times its the guy that asks ha ha but ya she does but never know could be anything

    • we aren't all ... link

What Girls Said 11

  • I'm seeing a red flag already. What kind of girl suggests an expensive upgrade to a first date... especially since you've already explained your situation. I would consider not taking this girl on a second date, I don't care how pretty you think she is, unless you feel like trying to pay for access ...

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  • I always thought the guy should pay for the first date -- especially if he was the one who asked the girl out. That being said, I think it was a little rude of her to suggest the more expensive option if you didn't ask for her opinion on where to go...she kind of hijacked the date from you.

    But if this is a girl you want to impress and potentially date, then you'll just have to suck it up and pay for the more expensive movie theater. It'll make her happy and probably win points in your favor. Maybe in the future if you two are still dating, kindly let her know that while you are working you still have to spend on a budget. If she cares about you, she'll want to try to find a compromise...if not, she's probably not someone you'll want to be with in the long run.

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  • If you did the asking, it's your responsibility to pay. Say it's your friends or moms or brothers, sisters, dad's, whoevers birthday, and you invite them to a restaurant. Do you expect them to pay for their own birthday that you invited them to in the first place? Nope. You're expected to pay since you're the one that asked and planned it. It also shows that you care about them, and also shows you want to make good impression by offering to pay. If you pass the first date and move on to a second date, that's when you should expect her to offer to pay, or pay for drinks, or whatever. Her wanting to upgrade, though, is unnecessary. If I were her, I would accept your offer and get over the gold class cinema.

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  • I don't think so, because she decided to upgrade, not you. I don't know how you'd go about saying it in a nice way though, maybe pay for it this time but next time try to get her to split it?

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  • Have you ever bought tickets from Optus? If you have an Optus account you can buy tickets from the Optus website and sometimes! Sometimes they have gold class for $22.50 that's nearly half price. If not tell her you can afford gold class and opt for VMAX instead. Same deal with Optus, you can get tickets for $13 on some days, like Monday and Tuesday. And since she is a student it's cheaper for her on Monday's.

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  • I do believe that the first date should be paid for. However, on the second date, if there is one, let her know about the apartment situation and tell her that she should plan on bringing some money. I'm sure she will understand :)

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  • Well you should pay for her since you asked. But it's annoying that she wanted to upgrade. I say she should pay for herself.

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  • You need to pay for her. You're the guy and you're supposed to be a gentleman. But after the date, it's OK to mention to her that you're saving up for that deposit, and that you think it would be a good idea if you guys went to a cheaper place next time.

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    • why is a man suppose to be a gentleman and pay that idea is quite old just like women should be housewives and shouldn't work.. hmmmm

    • Well if you have that attitude then goodluck getting a second date

    • hahaha you girls are so lucky you don't even know it

  • Nope..but you should.

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  • If you asked her our, then you have to pay

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  • I think its polite thing to do on a first date but shouldn't be expected and if she's going to suggest a more expensive place but not offer to help it seems kind of rude. But this is just how I feel, everyone is different and from what it sounds like she does expect it.

    So you should be upfront and talk to her about it and explain how you're wanting to save your money again. I personally wouldn't want to date someone who can't mature and understanding about something like that, BUT its really up to you.

    If you feel you can't say that or are worried about how she'll feel or what she'll think you can just go through with it or tell her something came up and you had to spend more than you would of liked and need to go the other place.

    After this first date I would make sure she knows or gets a reminder that you are trying to save money if you're interested in more dates.

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What Guys Said 11

  • No, you shouldn't feel you have to follow this expectation at all. We're all adults here.

    Here's the question I ask myself:

    -"If she thinks I'm cheap for not paying for her...what does that make HER if she won't even want to pay for herself?"

    There is no reason these days to expect a man to pay for both. We're past that. The expectation should be a red flag, not a standard you should expect yourself to meet. She is attaching your manliness to something arbitrary, and assigning default value to her gender.

    Of course, you won't have to be harsh about it or anything. Next time you go out, just go with the intention of you paying for yourselves. If she demands you pay for her, she would have to come out and say it. Any decent girl would feel guilty doing this, and it'll probably sound quite silly hearing the words come out of her mouth.

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  • Man always pays, period. At least that's how I look at it. I like taking a girl out and paying for her, I like providing fo her in that way, it just feels good to me so I always insist (I do this with every girl that I take out by the way, not just women I'm romantically interested in). That said, this girl seems sketchy telling you to go to a more glitzy place. I'd be more worried about dating her than paying for the date.

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    • thats what I'm thinking, saying an upgrade has kind of turned me off her for now

  • how much are you paying, what are you doing. if it is a meal. no. I wouldn't spend more than maybe 4 bucks on a girl in a first date. Girls will use that against you. You dish $ 40-50 maybe more out,then decides "eh I don't like him,thanks for everything though!" Lol.. you have sucker written all over you. In fact the word "date" is so over used. If I want to get to know someone, I'm going to do something I enjoy, and if she wants to know more about me, sure she can come along or if she is like that, cool. but I'm not taking a chick out to dinner without knowing her. she isn't sleeping in my bed, and she isn't 'with me' yet. so until that day comes, no. She can pay for her own ass.

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    • I have sucker written all over me? your picture is of you taking a photo of yourself in a mirror, says everything about you, that's why you're still single and have never been on a date

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    • it's not an insult, it's the truth

      :)

    • Opinion was never truth, try again smart one.

  • That's why SOME girls are said to be "high maintenance".

    The solution is to spot and avoid that kind of girls.

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  • You asked her out so you should pay for her. It might have been a test of whether you were a gentleman enough or not to upgrade. I mean if she's just trying to use you then you would know eventually the more you date. But yeah, if you asked her out then you should definitely pay because she gave up her time to go out with you. You like her and she did you a favor by giving you a chance.

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  • It is automatically implied that you have to pay when dating. Once your in a relationship you can put your foot down but if you pull that now they will b all " oh it's the guys job to pay and provide for me" but when you hit them with the "well it's a woman's job to cook clean and feed me" they start Flipping out callin us womanizers and sexist lol

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  • I just dumped my girlfriend for a similar reason.

    She lives an hour away, so I have to drive out there because she doesn't have a car. I take time out of my busy schedule to spend time with her, and always pay. She never even offered to pay for anything. Really didn't show much appreciation either.

    So heads up ladies: Don't be a brat. We men notice. Read and heed.

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  • If you invite her I guess it's common to pay. But I she wants an expensive upgrade she should get that herself. It's rude to binge when you are invited.

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  • Always pay first due to society being lame...then if she is a good girl :) ... she might insist on paying for the next.

    Anyways.

    Paying should be natural and the least of your worries.

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  • Lol brilliant

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  • I think you'll have to pay this time. But in the future, here's what you should do.

    If the girl suggests something like an upgrade (for example, you ask her to dinner, and she goes "Oh, yeah! I've always wanted to try ") then just laugh or smile, and say to her "Are you sure you can afford that?" and then just watch her reaction.

    Be ready to play it as if you were joking, but her reaction should be very revealing. Either she is okay with paying her own way, or she knew exactly what she was doing when she upgraded herself and your comment will sink her like a lead balloon.

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    • Are you sure you can afford that might be a bit rude, but the general idea is great XD

    • ooo good one. You forgot to mention that maybe she won't be calling him or answering his phone calls.

    • You sound like someone he should avoid.

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